To: Phoenix | From: Machete

[Soban]

Hello, sweetie.

It’s usually me who calls the manager, and of course it has to happen today, when I’m about to miss my Zeta Bingo. Ugh, just my luck.

So, let’s see. You want to join the so-called big boys on our top bounty board? Precious. But let me enlighten you, honey: there’s absolutely no honor in being on a Zoner bounty board. Nope, none. All it does is label you as someone brainless enough to cut you off with the Outer House traders. Smart move, right?

Still, I suppose I could make an exception for The Brotherhood—especially since your self-proclaimed “all-mighty” faction has been demoted to be Deterrence lackey, dear. One surefire way to get on our board is if Javier De Cretin swallows up your little errand-boy group whole. But if that’s not on the menu, let’s see what I can whip up, darling.

First, though, I need to know something crucial: do you even know how to read and write, honey?
I’m aware it’s not exactly a Corsair forte, as a pen can’t pierce a hull and all you really need to know is “red equals shoot” and “green equals no shoot.” But you claim you’re above the typical Corsair, so… guess that means you’ll have to fill out piles of lovely paperwork if you want that bounty as gargantuan as your ego.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to indulge in my daily Bingo, since you’ve already made me late. Do hurry, sweet pea—my patience has its limits, and I have other people to complain about.