Alright, I've been waiting for this one to come up, since I do have a bit of feedback for this character.
I haven't seen any ingame RP, so anything regarding that from me is going to be moot. Regarding the storyline, however, there are a few weaknesses.
Before I begin, however, remember that these are solely my opinions in response to a public feedback thread that you have posted, asking for feedback. I will answer the questions to the best extent of my honesty and knowledge.
I'm a fan of interesting, complex stories. While Draya obviously has a very intricate and detailed background that you are not revealing to us at the moment, one thing that I didn't like was "I'm going to become a Rogue."
What made Draya make this decision? To be honest, I saw the literal rogue/rebellious tomboy in her very early on in the story, but why?
Greed?
A passion for violence?
A hatred for lawfuls?
Reverend Del made an interesting comment the other day, one that especially pointed out something about the Liberty Rogues. They are, in fact, the only pirate faction in Sirius that was established to make moolah(money). They don't really have an ulterior motive.
So, this is going to be ever so slightly difficult to work out.
You do mention that Draya stole early on in her life and that she has a disdain for lawfuls, but that isn't exactly explained either. You really don't need to explain it, since it is hinted at. However, I'm more concerned at this point about the "how."
Having Draya walk into a bar on Rochester and enlist to become a rogue is slightly too simple. Yes, it does happen that way ingame, but that's due to the fact that the game itself is rather simple compared the RP between players on the server. So, there needs to be a little more interaction and reasoning here before she actually just walks in and decides to become a Rogue.
Finally, Rogues aren't nice people. Draya is a tough cookie, but Rogues aren't exactly just going to let a pretty girl stroll through unnoticed. Getting reimbursed and not kicked out is probably the best thing that could have possibly happened to her...like in her entire life. If you were Draya, would you walk through the slums at midnight? She's got to have grit to walk around in the place in the slums where all the hoods hang out. Go into more detail about how she did it
In my opinion, the story looks slightly rushed, and appears to be a bare bones version of what it really could be. You seem to have outlined your adventures ingame, but did not fill in on the details that could have happened.
On a final note, realize that my middle name is "Overkill." Figuratively. But I do take things to the next level, and I do realize that you could have been just looking for some casual writing here.
I do like the story quite a bit, and I think that the character is very refreshing. Good luck, and please do continue the story.
Quote:[7:42:05 PM][6:51:36 PM] Igor (Smokey): btw terry
[6:51:48 PM] Terrance Cooper: Ye?
[6:52:00 PM] Igor (Smokey): nothin
[6:52:03 PM] Igor (Smokey): just sayin btw
[6:52:05 PM] Terrance Cooper: <_<
Quote:Johnny_Haas: you shot anti criuse speed rockets!!!
Johnny_Haas: but why????
Johnny_Haas: ??
Johnny_Haas: why you shoot criuse speed rockets?
