The editorial team have asked me to consider adding a few appendices to my memoirs. So I have included this - a report on my command ship. I have fond memories of the Wellesley. An antique war-ship that is a lugubrious hulk by the standards of modern warfare, she has proven herself to be a reliable command.
Those clever chaps at Admiralty have cleared me to give you a little comment on each of the crew.
There is even talk recently of a childrens' television programme being made about our adventures murdering foreigners aboard the Wellesley! Watch this space!
The H.M.S. Wellesley
Crew
Master and Commander - Captain Sir Roger Bertram Brinkley, CC
Senior Crew
Chief Mate - First Lt. Chris Campbell
"An affable moron"
First Mate/Logistics - First Lt. Mark Jefferson
"A near-usless pen-pushing desk-johnny whose only virtue is an ability to make cucumber sandwiches"
Second Officer/Navigation/Chief Helsman - Lt. James Denholm
"A bespectacled desk-johnny and cartography enthusiast who could find his way into a weasel's lair undetected"
Third Officer/Weapons & Brig - Marine Sgt. Victor Armstrong
"A loud and violent land-lubber who treats foreign nationals with as much courtesy as a bull does a heifer"
Combat and Auxilliary Crew
Chief Gunner - Ensign. Ross Miller
"A coarse working-class yob whose aim is as good as his breath is foul."
Gunners Ensign Peter Doherty
"A flatulent ignoramus."
Ensign Alfred Cartwright
"A half-deaf bumpkin and pants-wetter."
Ensign Norbert "Blunderbuss" Jeffries
"Loads a torpedo tube faster that a dysenteric soldier fills his pants."
Medical & Scientific - Lt. Benedict Mason, MD
"A covert Intelligence Agent and possibly the only sentient being on board beside myself."
Engineering & Mechanical - First Lt. Kip Morris
"A grease-monkey and miracle-worker of the first order."
Communications - Ensign Niall Keane
"Overlook his Molly ancestry if you can. He is the ship's radio boffin and technological nerdling."
Chaplain - Fr. Dafyyd Jones
"A religous nut-case."
Commissioned to serve as a command vessel and support craft for BAF operations during the Kusari War, the Wellesley is named for "The Iron Duke", Sir Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington, an honoured commander from Bretonian history and a direct ancestor of its new commander, Sir Roger Bertram Brinkley, CC.
After a blow to her engines in a firefight in Cambridge, the Wellesely was re-fitted and re-plated with fine Sheffield armour.
Her new commander has selected a crew from among several BAF officers and enlisted men whose acquaintance he met during his time as a P.O.W. in Kusari.
The Mk.6 Class Gunboat has been re-equipped with an array of powerful weapons, suitable for both anti-fighter duties and flak support and heavy engagements with large craft.
The Wellesley's forward gun, the "John Thomas", fires tachyon projectiles and anti-matter shells, and is loud enough to have deafened at least twelve of the former crew.
