Bretonian Armed Forces Defense Intelligence Staff (DIS) (iRP) (AO)

[Athenian]

Transmission to: BAF Admiralty
Comm ID: Lord Commander Sir Roger Brinkley, CC

Hullo, chaps. I see from these here intelligence files that we have considerable brown-trousering over these "Hackers".
Now in my day, a hacker was a bloody plasterer who'd daub your walls in a jiffy for a fiver. But now it seems they are some kind of snotty-nosed tantrum-throwing boffins who favour wild acts of unrestrained idiocy.
However, as Brets and possessing little of the nancy-boy attitude of every other nation in the galaxy, I might suggest we deal with these chaps if and when the matter arises. I'm sure they hardly have the logistical back-up, inclination or spunk to mount an attack on Her Majesty's Domain.
So, young Ensign, the next time you befoul your reports with a morale-mauling choice of words like "troubling" and the like, you'll personally receive a solid and rough rogering from the men of the Queen's Own. This is Bretonia, and with the war taking an apparent turn for the worse, it might be best to keep a brave face and stiff upper lip, lest we destroy our tunics with fear-induced sweating, urination and defecation.
"Spyglass." How bloody serious can you take a threat when they fly ships named after a kind of corrective lens? In my youth, we took young softies like these, made them kneel on the floor and used their arses for parking our bikes.
I expect future intelligence reports to be written in a manner more becoming of a member of the Bretonia Armed Forces, and not in a style that might lead one to suspect it is the penmanship of a woman, Kusari rent-boy or the kind of snivelling weed who can't stomach a pipe of rough shag.

Brinkley out.

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Former member of "the most paranoid group of people in the community"
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