Tech Support Glossary

[Saberuneko]

When you try to give technical support to any user, be careful, the meanings of the words you use might not be the same as the meaning they have in their heads.

Here, I provide a glossary so you know what will the standard user think when you use any technicism:

• LOG ON: Makin'€™ a woodstove hot.
  
• LOG OFF: Don'€™t add no more wood.
  
• MONITOR: Keepin'€™ an eye on the wood stove.
  
• DOWNLOAD: Gittin'€™ the farwood off the truck.
  
• MEGA HERTZ: When you'€™re not keerfull gittin'€™ the farwood.
  
• FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
  
• RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
  
• HARD DRIVE: Gittin'€™ home in the winter time.
  
• WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it'€™s cold outside.
  
• SCREEN: Whut to shut when it'€™s black fly season.
  
• BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
  
• CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
  
• MICRO CHIP: Whut'€™s in the bottom of the munchie bag.
  
• MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
  
• DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix'€™s wife.
  
• LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
  
• KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys.
  
• SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.
  
• MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
  
• MOUSE PAD: That'€™s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
  
• MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
  
• PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
  
• ENTER: Northerner talk fer, '€œC'€™mon in, y'€™all.'€
  
• CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
  
• DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don'€™t far when you pull the trigger.
  
• REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty'€™s still outside.