Brakelatabasaasta Message Dump

[Zukeenee]

Comm ID: Brakelatabasaasta
Transmit to: Brakelatabasaasta

So I'd like to tell you all a story. A tale of reversible cups and paper helmets.

It began like any other day. The sun was bouncing, and several people were scooping up the delicious loaves of bread growing out of the ground, giving them to their neighbors. One person in particular, one blacksmith named Theodore, thought to himself, "Wow! Look at all these fingers I have! It's like... ten, man! That's two fives!" Theodore then entered his blacksmith-place, and merrily chopped off his thumbs.

Meanwhile, across the world, where it was still dark and the moon sang to little children, another man sat in a gutter. This man, by the name of Tom, was crying out in shock. This was because all of a sudden, he had gained two extra thumbs. But not on his hands. The thumbs had appeared, one on top of the other, in the center of his forehead. He was picked up the next day by government men who performed lots of experiments on him.

On the next block over from Tom's gutter, a woman opened her front door. Satisfied that the door was still operable, she closed it again and got herself a glass of lemonade. She sat in her living room, sipping on her refreshing drink, listening to old ragtime tunes. After about five minutes of relaxing, a disturbing thought came to her head. This thought caused her to jump up, run to her front door, and open it to make sure that it would still open. Good, she thought to herself, My exit is still clear. She sat down again, dozed off for maybe half an hour, and awoke to another disturbing thought. The woman sprung out of her seat, knocking over her glass of lemonade in the process, and ran towards her front door again. In the foyer, she slipped on a floor mat, fell, and broke her neck. The woman's name was Catherine.

Brakelatabasaasta looked down from his seat of newspapers stacked to the heavens, and saw that all was good. He continued his crossword puzzle, filling in every answer with "Johnny Cash." The great prophet Henry Dean had insisted.

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