A man hesitantly walked into the Recruiting office. He'd seen the sign, now punctured with several extremely large slugs, but he had an advantage no-one else had.
The foyer appeared to be empty, although there was a strange buzzing sound coming from behind one of the three closed doors. Hughes (for that was the man's name) shrugged, and banged on the door. The noise continued unabated, and he shrugged again.
Must be a faultly light fixture or something...
He put on his best face of boldness, straightened his orange flightsuit, and stepped inside. Oddly enough, the lights were out, and the noise appeared to be coming from behind the desk. As the door hit the wall with a dull 'thud', the buzzing abruptly stopped.
"Uuuh.. Hello? Is there anyone here?" Inquired Hughes, nervously taking another step and flicking on the lights. It sounded like someone was vomiting behind the massive, scarred desk, so he took another step and looked down.
Commander Eugen Weise lay on the floor, puking into a coffee cup that appeared to have been overflowing for some time. As Hughes moved in front of the lights, he looked up, his eyes squinted, and took in the Orange flightsuit. His eyes narrowed, and he reached into his pistol holster and pulled out a silver flask, holding it menacingly.
"Erm, Hi! I'm Jamie Hughes, and someone told me to come down here and apply? I'm a pretty good pilot, flew with the Unioner Blitzi Squadron for a while, and... What are you doing? Are you sick?
Eugen pulled himself to his feet, pointed the flask at the husky looking man before him, and attempted to squeeze the trigger. Oddly enough, his flask lacked a trigger mechanism, as he realised a second later when the unfortunate person in front of him failed to explode. He thew it at his head, instead.
"Ouch! What'd you do that for?"
"YOU! What am I doing down here? Why is there puke on me?! What did you do with my ship, you maintainence scumbag! I'll f*cking kill you! I'll raugh!
Move vomit splattered on the floor, and on Hughes' boots. He took a step back in horror, but Eugen was right there with him. Reaching down to his boots, he drew another, smaller flask from a smaller holster, placed it against Hughes' head, and squeezed. Realizing his mistake, he removed the stopper and took a long swig, then clocked Hughes over the head with it, and wtached him fall to the deck with a bemused expression.
"Huh. Not a maintainence worker then. Good thing I didn't shoot him... I think. So, I guess I'm the recruiting officer! He exclaimed proudly to the empty, reeking room.
"Someone take that bloody sign down! We're back in buisness, boyos!"
Eugen proudly sat down at his new desk, wearing a vomit-soaked, askew uniform, with most of the medals hanging the wrong way. He proudly surveyed his new office, complete with unfortunate applicant on the floor, and emptied liquor cabinet.
"First order of the day, refill that cabinet! Now, where's my piston to?"
After a swift search through the drawers of his new desk, he produced his .65 calibre pistol, a box of bullets, a ball of string, two more bottles of vodka, a broken glass, and a medal, which he examined closely befre he put it on upside down.
Several minutes later, an orange-suited man scurried up to the door and emplaced a new sign.
Recruiting is now open, no orange, BYOB, and wear body armour. It's ugly in here, people.
-Commander Eugen Weise
"Oy! Youse! Get Back here!"
As the man scurried away, a barrage of shots chewed the edge of the door off, and shattered the water fountain in the hall. Things were moving again.
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
