CFS-Momentum.Goal

[akar.zaephyr]

Hidden behind the mask of my smile I last and observe.
Behind the shiny eyes the colorless form of a cold, eternal god is analyzing incoming stimulations.
I mask waves of emptiness - covering my entity - with false determination, trying to reach the goal being just a decoy.

* turns the frontshield polarization into maximum and the cabin becomes dark *
* lights up the cigarette *

I try to find my own point of reference in this infinite misery, hooking my determination to it and moving my primitive organism towards a better tomorrow. I try, but the result is disappointing...

My chemosynthesis pool thins with every while, shrinking with hope and optimism while my catabolic reactions are dying. Inexorably I die with less and less feelings radicals...

Where did I come in this journey, evolving from egoist to altruist, as a star - taking nothing, giving everything I have? Is the verge of my fusion as poor as the vacuum surrounding me? Was I shining on your sky just to see you turning back on me, without even last word? Without even last kiss...

Some wise old man told me of our life being a way itself.
But how to live, oh wise men, when your final goal reveals itself before the end of your journey?

I can't... The boiling soup of my primaeval world lacks oxygen, although I start to breath iron this path leads nowhere. It is a biological scream of my lasting reactions that forces me to move forward though the way is already over. I'm too weak to stop this protein synthesis so I have to last until it ends itself.

Verily not much left of "me" I was before.

* extinguishes the cigarette in the ash-tray *

The time has come.
Time to burn the last bridge behind me and continue into the unknown.
There is no turning back now.

I named you Momentum Goal - you will be my final journey.
I leave all that "I was" on Erie and stars are my home now. They are "I am".

* punches the ignition key and flies into the dark sky *



That night she felt something has happened. She couldn't understand what is the reason behind the feeling of emptiness and loss.

He sold his ship for her - a ship he was dreaming of. And when he finally got his long-awaited Liberator, he sold it to buy a house for her. He took a credit so they could settle up but she changed her mind shortly after. Few weeks later he lost his job, left with no credits to live, no love to believe in. Because of her decision he got into trouble and paying his debts took him three years. Three long years with nowhere to live, no one to talk to.

She opened comm-link and requested connection with John Xenir.

She still felt guilty of her decision back then. She chosen someone else but that relationship broke few months from when it started. It took her a long time to decide she will call him. She knew it won't be easy to apologize for what she did and for all the pain she brought. But her heart still was beating faster when she recalled all the memories they had. "Maybe you can forgive me if you still feel the same as before" she thought. "I still love you so much..."

"Comm-link ID not found. Check the subscriber's ID or contact your operator" - the screen indicated.
She requested to locate John's neural processor.
"Neural processor out of range. It is possible that either its carrier's life functions dropped or subject left Liberty space."
She returned to her bed and sat down staring at a point far behind her room's wall. He said something about leaving for good but was it possible he did it? She couldn't hold her tears...



Momentum Goal's nose cut through the atmosphere like a hot knife through a butter. Seconds later engines turned off and John felt weightlessness for the first time in his life. In that condition his body seemed light as a feather and whole planet below looked just like a dream.
- Monique - he said to his on-board computer, named after the last woman he loved the most - set course to New London system, planet New London. Prepare cruise engines and a docking procedure to the nearest trade lane ring. Engage at will.

For the last time he looked down at Erie, the place he spent his whole life. The place he experienced the happiest moments in his life. He realized that most probably he will never feel the same again. He realized that the most beautiful time in his life lies down there, on the planet's surface. A planet he is leaving now and will never return to. One last tear dropped down and he felt it's salty taste on his lips...
- No more... - he whispered clutching his fists - No more...

- Course set, engaging cruise engines in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Ignition.

The ship needled into the dark sky and headed his new destiny.
Only the stars witnessed the true reason of his exile and his fate was never to be common with her again...


_________________

A short out-of-story side note:

Although I did my best with the first part (when John punches in the ignition key) I understand my translation may not be the best one. It was originally posted, and created, by me on my blog but I find it quite difficult to translate such a phylosophical thing... I did my best but apologies for any mistakes, error and whatever.

Thank you for reading that through.
Cheers!

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yeah my spell and such sucks but i what ever
(...)