Commander Eugen Weise looked up from the pile of Rheinland Military dogtags on his desk, and frowned as some young clown wandered in his door, without permission.
"Ivan Petrov, shut up for a second. You, did you have a brother that looked very similar to that bloodstain over there?"
As the even-more-moronic brother looked to the left, Eugen pulled his pistol, and shot the arrogant pup in the gut. As he mewled and fell to the floor, pissing himself on the way, Eugen stood, and walked over to stand above him. Pulling a flask of industrial alcohol from his pocket, he took a long swig, and began to pour the rest over the pathetic figure on the ground.
"Now, look here son. I already shot your wee pal, or whoever he was, but since I'm such a nice guy, I'm not going to shoot you... again. I've decided to use you as a message, to the rest of your illiterate, inbred, scum-sucking, fascist family. I hope they can read it, at least..."
Eugen smiled, lit a cigarette, and tossed the match onto Ivan Kolpa's fuel soaked body. As his back arched, and his screams filled the room, Eugen smiled, and inhaled the sweet scent of burning idiot.
----Three weeks later, a charred and battered corpse was delivered to the rest of the Kolpa Clan at their dung-heap. The sign stapled to the mutilated face read 'Bugger off then, Eh?'----
As the burned corpse was dragged away, Eugen turned to the other Ivan in his office. With smoke trailing out of his mouth, he casually flicked ash on the lapels of the candidate.
"So, not-such-a-moron-Ivan, what in the hell makes you think you're worthy of the revolution? You've got a revolutionaries' name? You've killed a few slaps, wops, and squareheads? You have proven the efficiency of the grenade to exhaustion? Give me something else, sonny, or you're going the way of the dodo."
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
