This is great! You really caught me on with the beginning, and you inputted lots of details. I might suggest you put quotes around the text so that we know who is speaking? Overall, great.
(BTW, I'm a fast reader, I didn't just skim the story.)
I am a long-absent Supreme Commander, Executive Commander, Grand Admiral, Fleet Admiral, and Captain in the mighty Hellfire Legion. I have returned, and am on an urgent mission from Drake Thastus to return the Legion to its former glory, and to claim the galaxy for its own. Only then will I be able to rest.
RP Story (Still deciding whether or not to finish)
