Bretonian Armed Forces Defense Intelligence Staff (DIS) (iRP) (AO)

[Athenian]

To Whom It Concerns, Her Majesty Queen Carina, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Admiralty, and Officers

It is with profoundest regret that we announce the tragic death of Lord Admiral Sir Roger Bertram Brinkley, One Hundred and Thirteenth Duke of Wellington, Earl of Wellesley and notorious violator of many a foul-mouthed Kusari dog.

Sir Roger had been battling ill-health for quite some time, but in the end it was his penchant for undercooked steak-and-kidney pies that caused his demise.

Rumours that he expired while attempting to perform a lewd and unnatural act upon a donkey are, of course, entirely unfounded. He was a most moral and upright man, and those photos are definitely fake.

Sir Roger's remaining family have requested a private funeral, so the full military honours will not be necessary. This has nothing to do with the rumours that Sir Roger's corpse has in fact become fixed in a state of rigor mortis in mid-copulation with a farmyard animal that perished of shock and that this is why the funeral will require <strike>a large crate </strike> a closed cask.

Sir Reginald Meadows, Assistant to the late Lord Admiral

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Former member of "the most paranoid group of people in the community"
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