The Queen's Demise, Feedback thread

[Sarawr!?]

I'm with Zeltak here. The story is well written, but... kids watch too many rambo and diehardt. Every evil character is portrayed the same. Maniac, kills up close, enjoys killing, twisted, can take on 15 dudes at once. Also..what's up with blades? Let's be honest they are much more cool than guns, but not effective otherwise every marine would carry a katana. Nah, the blade is okay, but don't overdo it.

Playing an evil character doesn't mean you have to pick the most evil solution in every situation, solve every puzzle by going on a kill streak. Especially if your combatant is the underdog.

You need more depth to the character. What drives her? Why does she do what she does? Does your character have doubts about taking people's lives away? Will that eventually mess with her head? That kind of thing.

Hope you don't mind some criticism.

I don't mind the criticism, but in regards to the events going on in this particular story, Jasmine (Djinn's) driving force is her desire to end the life of the Captain of the Heavy Metal Queen, which Djinn used to serve on, before being taken by the Phantoms. Like, the events occurring in this particular story are merely one particular set of circumstances for Djinn, she isn't always going off in a bloodthirsty rage and killing massive amounts of people. I wouldn't say either that Djinn solves every problem by killing people, but she doesn't regret killing people either, Though she does tend to stray away from killing people unless they give her a reason. I dunno if you've ever encountered Djinn in game or not either, but her mind is already a mess. I'd say between her past of being a Slaver and the brainwashing done to her by the Phantoms after taking her, she's mentally, quite the mess.

but yeah, I don't mind criticism, so long as it's constructive, so thanks for your input;)

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