Brakelatabasaasta Message Dump

[Zukeenee]

Comm ID: Brakelatabasaasta
Transmit to: Brakelatabasaasta

Okay! So! There was this giant thing, and another bunch of things, and I was--

Wait.

I was in the middle of something, wasn't I? Hmm...

Oh! Right! Jenny-Govvy! Well, after Jenny-Govvy came, things got really scary-exciting. So, uh, She started throwing hurt-lights at me, and I started hurting. But I continued with my sales pitch! Unfortunately, that only seemed to make Jenny-Govvy more angry.

Brakelatabasaasta: Jenny! Ready to make your life up to TEN TIMES easier?
Jennifer.Government: GAAAHHHH!
Brakelatabasaasta: The Brakelatabasaasta! Get yours now! While supplies last!

Yeah she was angry. I think she wanted to send me to the Great Fishmonger of the Greatness Place. But Brakelatabasaasta knows better! In order to achieve the Greatest Greatness of the Greatness Place, one has to be a Fishmonger! And last time I checked, Brakelatabasaasta was not a Fishmonger.

But then, a customer! Oh, the gargly-glee!

HMS-Bounty: 'ow much?
Brakelatabasaasta: A small fee of 100 thousand credits!
HMS-Bounty: an' what do i get?
Brakelatabasaasta: It's a STEAL for what this baby's capable of!
HMS-Bounty: An' what exactly is it capable of?
Jennifer.Government: It annoys me....
HMS-Bounty: Go on.
Brakelatabasaasta: The Brakelatabasaasta is the perfect tool for ALL around the house jobs!
HMS-Bounty: But what would I be doing?
Brakelatabasaasta: Sweep the ceiling fan!
Brakelatabasaasta: Vacuum the cat!
Brakelatabasaasta: Blow up the sink!
Brakelatabasaasta: Fix up the door frame!
Brakelatabasaasta: Eat all the food in your fridge!
Brakelatabasaasta: Make Jenny Govvy NOT grumpy!
Jennifer.Government: It's not working
Brakelatabasaasta: It does EVERYTHING.
Brakelatabasaasta: And more.
Brakelatabasaasta: Buy one today!

Meanwhile, Jenny-Govvy was having the time of her life!

Jennifer.Government: GAAAAAAAAAhhHHHH
Jennifer.Government: I
Jennifer.Government: WILL
Jennifer.Government: DESTROY YOU

And then...

Brakelatabasaasta: But Jenny...
Brakelatabasaasta: I LOVE you.
Jennifer.Government: WHAT?
Jennifer.Government: OH GOD
Brakelatabasaasta: ...
Brakelatabasaasta: What?

Suddenly, everything changed. It's like the stinky sweat-socks of stinky sweat-life had been pulled off my feet! It was slow at first, but things started thing-ing, and the cheese-lump that I keep in my pocket began to sing.

And then, through a completely unrelated event and not Brakelatabasaasta's fault at all, Bert caught fire. WAAAAAAAHHHH the pain! However... Jenny-Govvy, still throwing hurt-lights at me, threw me a few fire-putter-out-ers. How nice of her. And yet...

Jennifer.Government: That does NOT
Jennifer.Government: mean I love you back
Brakelatabasaasta: Oh... really?
Jennifer.Government: *sigh*
Jennifer.Government: You are kinda cute
Jennifer.Government: In a puke-my-eyes-out annoying way
Jennifer.Government: But kinda cute anyways

Then, all of a sudden, Jenny-Govvy was all "Ooohh, I wuv you Brakelatabasaasta!" And I was all "Okay!" But she was really flippidy-flop about it all. Like, "I'ma love you forever!" And then "I hate you!" And stuff like that. She kept going on about this thing that I may-or-may-not-have-said.

Brakelatabasaasta: Brakelatabasaasta loves everyone.
Jennifer.Government: YOU SAID YOU HATED MY GUTS
Jennifer.Government: I HATE YOU!
Brakelatabasaasta: I also said that My face was training to be a cop.
Jennifer.Government: You did?
Brakelatabasaasta: I say many things.

It was like... woah. And then, GRAAARN. Followed by a short series of beeps, and a ker-schplat. A few things happened after that. Like a guy who was all, "I'ma pirate Brakelatabasaasta!" and Blinky-love, and spear-shaking and misdirection... So it was all pretty cool.

But I honestly don't know about Jenny-Govvy. I mean, she's nice and all, but I think she has a few prawns loose, if you know what I mean. Brakelatabasaasta couldn't be seen going out with a "crazy" person, after all. It would give people the wrong image.

And the image that I want to give is this one where there's a guy riding a bike, and he falls in a lake, and suddenly a big-mean-tentacle-beast goes "GRAH" and eats him while his family watches and applauds.

And that is clearly not the image that Janny-Govvy gives to other people.

So I'll just have to fake-love her for a little while longer...



Gee, it's a good thing that these messages are completely private, huh? I mean, if people like Jenny-Govvy knew how I really felt about them, Then Brakelatabasaasta would be in some pretty hot bacon grease right about now, am I right? Ah, the secrecy of secrets... Well, seeya later!

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