Comm ID: Brakelatabasaasta
Transmit to: Brakelatabasaasta
So here's the inside-ice-cream-scoop on what really happened after the wedding, minus all the artistic license (If you can call that art!).
I got out into space, frantically looking for some guy to take me away from it all, who was strong and handsome and able to lead me to the Colorado system. I had been up there a few times before, and that's where I met Thailand and Gap-man. In fact, Gap-man was the one who told me about Bert's condition, and that he'd turn into a rock if I didn't collect enough rock-blood before the next full moon!
Okay, well, he didn't say all of that. Or... any of that. But he implied it. Or... maybe I just wrongly inferred. But anyway, yeah. Now I have to keep the rock-blood inside Bert to keep him from turning. If it hadn't been for Gap-man, I'd have never known!
But that's a different story that already happened weeks ago. The point is that while I was up there, I found a nice place to live! A nice, abandoned, rock-house, not far from the Xeenamen rock-house. Two stories, three bedrooms, one-and-a-half bath... a big step up from my dumpster home on Manhattan! So I told myself, this is where I'll go. This is where I'll live and hide out after I abandon Jenny. It was a prime location, and all it cost was more rock-blood to be paid to the Xeenamen.
So now I needed to find a guy who could take me there again, so that I could safely make it to my hidey-hole without Jenny (or any of her flying monkeys) spotting me. Lucky for me, this guy spoke up...
Fark_Mcgeezax: Anyone looking for an escort? I have been in New York too long... Brakelatabasaasta: I'm looking for an escort! Brakelatabasaasta: Escort me! Fark_Mcgeezax: Where are you? Brakelatabasaasta: Escort Brakelatabasaasta! Brakelatabasaasta: I'm at the big planet thing.
He came to the planet, and I went "There you are!" And he was like... yeah! I told him we had to move fast, because it probably wouldn't be long before Jenny figured out where I had gone. But first, in order to go to Colorado, I had to talk with the LPI-people again. Only they can authorize my inter-system travel. So I told the Farky-dude what we had to do, but he just sat there and talked bad about Bert!
Brakelatabasaasta: Now. Escort me to the LPI-people! Brakelatabasaasta: First, I need to beg them for permission to leave New York. Fark_Mcgeezax: What for? What kind of mission sends out people in that thing. Brakelatabasaasta: Are you talkin' bad-talk about Bert? Fark_Mcgeezax: Bert? Brakelatabasaasta: Bert the Starblazer! Brakelatabasaasta: He has a handsome mustache. Brakelatabasaasta: See?!
I showed him the 'stache. It's very important that all people recognize and respect Bert's 'stache.
Knowing we didn't have much time before Jenny would catch up, I urged him onward, regardless of his confusion. So we began our journey to find the Police-people! Along the way, I had to explain a few things to my unenlightened companion.
Brakelatabasaasta: Follow me, Escortman! Fark_Mcgeezax: So why do you need permission to leave NY? Brakelatabasaasta: 'Cuz they won't let me. Fark_Mcgeezax: Says who? Brakelatabasaasta: Says them! It's like a "House-arrest." Fark_Mcgeezax: What did you do? Brakelatabasaasta: I sang. Fark_Mcgeezax: Thats a crime? Brakelatabasaasta: Well, it was more like a whole lot o' stuff, that all goes under "disturbing the peace."
We came to the California Magic-Claw-Gate-Thing, but no sign of any LPI-guys. I shouted out for them.
Brakelatabasaasta: Nothin' here... Brakelatabasaasta: LPI-men! Where are you? Fark_Mcgeezax: So where we headin'? And why'd you need protection? Brakelatabasaasta: I'm heading to my new home in Colorado! And I don't need protection. Nothing can beat Bert! I just want company. Fark_Mcgeezax: Id like to see you last more than 5 seconds in a fight. Brakelatabasaasta: I always last more than 5 seconds. Brakelatabasaasta: The Starblazer is an unstoppable force! Brakelatabasaasta: LPI-men! Show yourselves! Brakelatabasaasta: Oh. They're all in Colorado now. What a coincidence! Brakelatabasaasta: I need to go there the get their permission to go there! Brakelatabasaasta: A most ingenious paradox... Brakelatabasaasta: Harrumph. Fark_Mcgeezax: How do you know that they're in Colorado? Brakelatabasaasta: Bert told me. Brakelatabasaasta: Bert was all like, "Hey man, you know they all went to Colorado, man." Fark_Mcgeezax: How does Bert know that? Brakelatabasaasta: I dunno. Ask him. Fark_Mcgeezax: You ask him. Brakelatabasaasta: Okay. Brakelatabasaasta: He says, "Y'know, man, it's just like... all the fish in the world whisper to me, and I just tune in, man..." Fark_Mcgeezax: Is that for real? Brakelatabasaasta: Well, duh. Why would Bert lie? Fark_Mcgeezax: Fish? Brakelatabasaasta: Yeah! Fish!
I was starting to get worried. Jenny was probably already out in the space-place looking for me, and I was still cruising the lanes with the Fark-dude, trying to figure out what to do next! But it was Fark-dude who suggested our next course of action. Unfortunately, I had to explain to him just why it wouldn't work...
Fark_Mcgeezax: Why dont we just get the hell out of here. Fark_Mcgeezax: The LPI are too busy dealing with one gunboat. Brakelatabasaasta: Well, where to, then? Fark_Mcgeezax: Well, im the escort, shouldnt I be asking you? Brakelatabasaasta: But I can't leave. I'll get shocked again... Fark_Mcgeezax: Not if they dont catch you Brakelatabasaasta: They don't have to. They put a thingamabob in the back of my neck. It knows when I go through a gate-thing. Fark_Mcgeezax: You must have done something serious. Brakelatabasaasta: They just like to be able to keep track of me, is all. Brakelatabasaasta: It's like I'm an important celebrity! Brakelatabasaasta: Or a deadly criminal. I dunno. Fark_Mcgeezax: So if you have a chip in your neck, how does speaking to the police solve that? Brakelatabasaasta: They can deactivate it for special occasions. Fark_Mcgeezax: Cant you hit a wormhole and get out of here?
The Swirly-Light-Holes! Of course! They were different from the Magic-Claw-Gate-Things... they wouldn't be able to shock me! Suddenly, I came to a startling realization. Previously, I saw myself stuck in my New York playpen forever, with occasional trips to other nearby places if the LPI-guys said so. I'd always have to get their permission first, or else I'd get shocked and dragged back to New York.
Brakelatabasaasta: Holes... yes! The chip reacts to gates, but not holes! Fark_Mcgeezax: Lucky for you I know most of em.
But if I could bypass all of that by using the Swirly-Light-Holes... I would be free! I would be able to go anywhere. I didn't have to stop at the rock-house Colorado. I could travel the galaxy, bringing my Brakelatabasaasta-cheer to all the little boys and girls! And maybe even the genderless robots! I suddenly wanted go past Colorado, past Liberty, into the unknown... into Kusariland!
Brakelatabasaasta: I got an idea, then. Brakelatabasaasta: We're going north. WAY north. Beyond Colorado! Brakelatabasaasta: But we'll have to avoid the LPI-men in Colorado... Fark_Mcgeezax: You know the way? Brakelatabasaasta: So you! Farky-dude! Take me to the hole! Brakelatabasaasta: 'Cuz... no. I don't know the way. Fark_Mcgeezax: North huh, how north? Brakelatabasaasta: To the Kusariland! Brakelatabasaasta: To meet the Emperor! Fark_Mcgeezax: Just like that.... Brakelatabasaasta: Just like that. Brakelatabasaasta: I mean, it can't be that hard, right? Fark_Mcgeezax: I think it will be quite hard.
Though his lack of faith in my Emperor-meetingness-likelyness was disturbing, we had our plan! And just in time, too! It seemed some old friends had reappeared in system...
LPI-Sunbucks.001: Sunbucks is now open! We are in orbit of Manhattan. LPI-Andy.Kingman[O]: Dispatch this is Officer 5-6 responding to red alert Brakelatabasaasta: Oh! The LPI are here again. But they'd never let me go as far as Kusariland... Brakelatabasaasta: We're still gonna have to sneak. Brakelatabasaasta: So. Take me to the hole that goes... north!
There was still no sign of Jenny, so I had a good deal of confidence that my new plan would work out perfectly! Farkman and I flew and flew and flew... and there were a lot of pointy metal bits that kept hitting Bert and Bert kept going "Ow!" but we finally made it... to a colorlight hole! Farkman flew into it, and I followed... and we came out in Colorado-place!
Brakelatabasaasta: Now, once we get out of Liberty, we can use gates again. But until then... is there another hole that will take us north-er? Fark_Mcgeezax: Yes. En route now.
And we flew further... through rocks and rock-houses and space and stuff, and came to another colorlight hole! This time, when we went through, we came out into a dark scary place. In fact, I remembered the scary place from one of my earliest adventures, back when the LPI was less restrictive on my travel. I once followed a Winkyman through the darkness and nearly got eaten by the termites! But with Farkman as my guide, I made it out safely.
Brakelatabasaasta: Alright. Now! Onward! Up and up we go... Fark_Mcgeezax: We are out of Liberty.. Brakelatabasaasta: Ah! We can go through gates now. Good job!
As we flew through a series of tubes, Farky-guy started asking more questions. So curious, this one!
Fark_Mcgeezax: Who gave you that name? Brakelatabasaasta: Brakelatabasaasta? I did. Fark_Mcgeezax: Does it mean anything? Brakelatabasaasta: I dunno. Brakelatabasaasta: My full name is "Brakelatabasaasta Feed Me" Fark_Mcgeezax: Strange name. Brakelatabasaasta: You're one to talk, Farkman. Fark_Mcgeezax: Hey i named myself after my favourite cartoon alien! Brakelatabasaasta: That's a silly way to name yourself! You should try naming yourself after a breakfast cereal.
We went through a Magic-Shiny-Claw-Gate and everything turned purpley-pink...
Brakelatabasaasta: Ooh... is this Kusariland? Fark_Mcgeezax: Almost. Brakelatabasaasta: Wherever we are, it's pretty! Prettier than New York, anyway. Fark_Mcgeezax: Well, technically we are already here. But this is on the outskirts. Fark_Mcgeezax: This is nothing Brakelatabasaasta: Ah. I see. Fark_Mcgeezax: I have seen things you wouldnt believe. Brakelatabasaasta: I believe a lot of things...
Then more tubes and whoosh-rings, more pretty sights, and another Magic-Shiny-Claw-Gate... and then blue!
Fark_Mcgeezax: Well, here we are. Brakelatabasaasta: Ooh! This is Kusariland? Brakelatabasaasta: Neat. Brakelatabasaasta: It's all... blue. Fark_Mcgeezax: Yes, though I doubt you will be able to see the Emperor today. Brakelatabasaasta: Hm. Well, I can try. Brakelatabasaasta: I bet this planet-lander-thing works the same as it does on Manhattan... Fark_Mcgeezax: So being that I kinda smuggled you out of Liberty. There a payment for all of this? Brakelatabasaasta: Oh! Payment. Yep, yep, lemme dig something up...
I fished out some credits, and some stale bread, and one of those shiny jewelry things from the wedding, and gave them to the Farkman. It was all I had to give, but my gratitude for his services was... a lot... more. And stuff. Y'know.
Brakelatabasaasta: That's about what I got. Fark_Mcgeezax: Nice amulet. Brakelatabasaasta: Yup. I got it from some guy. Brakelatabasaasta: He was a nice guy. Fark_Mcgeezax: Well, is this where we depart? Brakelatabasaasta: I guess so... Fark_Mcgeezax: Good luck. Brakelatabasaasta: Wellp... seeya around, mister Farkman. Brakelatabasaasta: And thanks for the ride! Fark_Mcgeezax: Yes, Brakelatabasaasta... yes! got it right!
We parted ways, I landed on the big blue planet, and found a place for Bert to settle down for the time being. Rest up, Bert! Tomorrow's our big day. Tomorrow is when we really make our mark on Kusariland. Tomorrow we'll meet the Emperor himself and have a big meal together and om-nom-nom some of his royal pancakes and maybe we'll even be, like, heroes or something neat like that after we save the princess!
Anyway, things worked out pretty well. I escaped from Jenny, and all of Liberty, and I've taken my first steps toward freedom! But for tonight, it's late. And dark. And rainy. But I'm sure the rain will let up eventually, right? Well, I hope so.
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