Bazooka Joe

[Zapp]

Bazooka Joe launched from Eerie, his home planet, ready to unleash the fury of hell on the closest ship. However, it quickly became apparent that his ship was small. Puny. Insignificant. It was no juggernaut of power as he had imagined. So he bit his lip and figured, it wouldn't hurt to wait a bit longer I suppose. So he moved on over to the helium fields, which he had heard was a way to make money. When he tractored some into the tanks, he decided to see what it tasted like and sucked on some.

His voice squeaked for a bit.

So he went around, and stole a load of helium out from under an LPI Camara and flew real fast over to the Junker base he heard about. They won't mind about my reign of terror! thought Bazooka Joe, going on what he knew about the Junkers not caring about things like that. And they also paid more for helium than the planet, which was good.

Then Bazooka Joe flew on to New York to find new guns. The Badlands was interesting, and he flew around a bit, stumbling upon Patrol 27 wrecks (contrary to the 27, there was only 3) and some Rogue freighter wreck called Flint. Jackpot! a cargohold full of Cardamine, whatever that is, and a bunch of guns. REIGN OF TERROR HERE I COME! Only he couldn't mount the guns on his ship and Cardamine is a narcotic illegal in Liberty, which he soon found out when some Naval Carrier told him it was illegal, and a cruiser tried to shoot at him for having it.

Anyways.

He flew on up to Rochester, which he had heard about on Allentown, and doubled his credit score to 100,000 credits or so. There he found out that the Justices he had looted were locked (the hardware wouldn't equip to his ship without the proper codes, and to get an override is expensive), and he could've only had space for one of them even if he did. So he decided to just mount the Rogue lasers he got off Flint and sell all the Liberty lasers.

Then he flew over to Baltimore and got an Adv. Stunpulse, an integral part of his plan if the readings he got from those transports he saw flying around were true.

Then he flew over to the lane to Pittsburgh and cut it, waiting for his first victim. Unfortunately, all he found were Rogues that didn't like him and three Bounty Hunters. With a loud "HIYA!" and much derrydoo, Bazooka Joe was triumphant and sold the Hunters to the Junkers for some nice money. Unfortunately, the lane was unfruitful. So he switched over to the lane to Detroit Munitions and waited.

The first thing that came along was an Ageira Rhino. BAM BAM BAM NO MERCY! Haha! That'll teach him! Oh wait, it won't cuz he's dead! Or not so much; Bazooka Joe got his escape pod and sold him to the Junkers. Then he went back and got a Universal Rhino with two Starflier escorts. BAM BAM BAM (times three) NO MERCY! They, too, succumbed to the awesome might of Bazooka Joe. And again.

Satisfied with a hard day's work, Bazooka Joe retired to Rochester to eat some waffles.

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