La Legion Etrangere Gauloise

[Dab]

Unfortunately, I'm here to tell you everything that is wrong about your faction idea..

First off; Foreigners from Sirius being allowed into this group.. No. That would be absolutely unacceptable to the King and the Gallic Royal Navy. I guarantee you, the King, Prince, and Princess (all of whom have players roleplaying them) would all take an axe to your neck if you allowed Sirians into your ranks.

Second; Using King Louis V's name isn't a good idea when someone is roleplaying as King Louis.. Get his consent to write what you say he did. To say he did something that Exile (the guy RPing as the King) never did would be powergaming, controlling someone else's character.

Third; The numerous references to yourselves being aces and the top-of-the-top of the Navy.. A mention here or there about being very skillful and/or well-trained is fine, but the number of times you remark about it seems highly egotistical for a faction writeup. What have you done to proven yourselves the aces of the Gallic Royal Navy? Those things you don't say until your faction has done things to back them up.

Fourth; Having a Lord Mareschal rank, and having him answer only to the King... Sorry, that's already taken. The Navy as a whole has a single Grand Marshal, and that position is already filled by Lilith LaCroix, also RP'd as Exile. The Grand Marshal is the leader of the entire Navy. The leader of the Foreign Legion would be someone of a high, but not that high, rank. And he'd be answerable to the King -and- Grand Marshal.

Fifth; Having a commoner in control of the foreign legion. Not realistic. Positions of power within Gallia, including the Navy, is based highly on your caste. Nobles comprise most of the upper echelons, and the few who are there but aren't nobles, earned their place through merit. Being the descendant of a person who controlled the Foreign Legion centuries prior isn't sufficient. You'd have to have your character prove their competency before ever getting a position like that.

Sixth; "... King Louis V. felt more threatened than ever and saw the end of Gallia by Sirian forces coming near." This isn't fitting in at all with current Gallic lore, or with the current character of the King. The King and the Gallic Royal Navy are both supremely confident that they will be able to handle any threat from Sirius. If they were afraid Sirius could crush them so easily, they'd be focusing on defense, no offensive. Gallia's self-imposed isolation wasn't because of fear, but to make sure they were able to work in secret until ready, without the other houses knowing of them. Having the strongest military in Sirius, Gallia is far from 'fearful' of Sirius. Quite the opposite.

Seventh; Having any sort of nobility rank for the Foreign legion wouldn't make a whole lot of sense either. Nobility status is inherited, not earned. Who is a noble doesn't depend on military rank, and one can only go from commoner to noble status by the order of the King.

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