I can haz skype

[Sprolf]

Read the entire thing.
It's hilariously.... weird.

It is also worth it. Read: Punchline.



[4/23/2010 11:18:17 PM | Edited 11:18:39 PM] Q's bone: YOU DARE TO BRING LIGHT TO MY LAIR?
[4/23/2010 11:18:21 PM] Ironwatsas: KAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
[4/23/2010 11:18:22 PM] Ironwatsas: D:<
[4/23/2010 11:18:25 PM] Q's bone: YOU MUST DIE
[4/23/2010 11:18:30 PM] Salem R. Jansen: Wait.
[4/23/2010 11:18:32 PM] Q's bone: Q's bone thunderbolts everyone twice
[4/23/2010 11:18:33 PM] Salem R. Jansen: WAIT
[4/23/2010 11:18:36 PM] Salem R. Jansen: Dammit.
[4/23/2010 11:18:41 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): YOU BLING LIGHT TO MY LAIL!?!?!?
[4/23/2010 11:18:46 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Unaffected due to Volt Absorb*
[4/23/2010 11:18:49 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir) thlows thundelborts and evelyone.
[4/23/2010 11:18:55 PM] Ironwatsas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k3Orc0x8FY
[4/23/2010 11:19:02 PM] Q's bone: *After everyone is thunderbolted*
[4/23/2010 11:19:06 PM] Q's bone: *The fight starts*
[4/23/2010 11:19:16 PM] Salem R. Jansen: Oh God
[4/23/2010 11:19:23 PM] Salem R. Jansen: That GAME
[4/23/2010 11:19:31 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Shoots Beck ONCE*
[4/23/2010 11:19:48 PM] Q's bone: NOT THE CHAINS!
[4/23/2010 11:20:02 PM] Q's bone: YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF MEEEE
[4/23/2010 11:20:23 PM] Salem R. Jansen: >>;;
[4/23/2010 11:20:32 PM] Salem R. Jansen: Yeah that was embarrasing enough.
[4/23/2010 11:20:46 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Turns the Phillips CDI off*
[4/23/2010 11:21:53 PM] Q's bone: *CD-I screams*
[4/23/2010 11:22:01 PM] Q's bone: YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF MEEEE
[4/23/2010 11:22:03 PM] Q's bone: *Turns off*
[4/23/2010 11:22:39 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Glares at the CD-I with a "WHAT IS THIS DEVILSPAWN?!" expression for a good thirty seconds*
[4/23/2010 11:22:54 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): w
[4/23/2010 11:22:55 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): wat
[4/23/2010 11:23:07 PM] Salem R. Jansen: It talked.
[4/23/2010 11:23:15 PM] Salem R. Jansen: IT MUSS DAI.
[4/23/2010 11:23:19 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Thunder*
[4/23/2010 11:23:24 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Twice*
[4/23/2010 11:23:32 PM] Q's bone: MMMMM
[4/23/2010 11:25:09 PM] Q's bone: Lamp oil, Rope, Bums? You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have boobies! D:
[4/23/2010 11:25:35 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *The next scene shows the HORRIBLE game system being flung uncerimoniously out of a closed, second-story window, and into the Sparta-Hole*
[4/23/2010 11:26:40 PM] Salem R. Jansen: Nein. Not in mein haus.
[4/23/2010 11:32:08 PM] Ironwatsas: And guess who here in this room DOES have boobies (mm)
[4/23/2010 11:32:33 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Watsas joins the CD-I unit*
[4/23/2010 11:32:41 PM] Salem R. Jansen: ANYONE ELTSE?!
[4/23/2010 11:58:04 PM] Salem R. Jansen: .... Okay then.
[4/23/2010 11:58:16 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): HAAAAAAAAAAAAX
[4/23/2010 11:58:23 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Salem is blown out the window by computers*
[4/23/2010 11:58:48 PM] Salem R. Jansen: *Uses Quick Attack to recover back into the house*
[4/23/2010 11:58:58 PM] Salem R. Jansen: GOOD LORD...
[4/23/2010 11:59:21 PM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Dr. Breen stares him down and then starts flailing all over the place, spewing bullets*
[4/23/2010 11:59:32 PM] Salem R. Jansen: OH GOD.
[12:00:03 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Gravity gun plus nearby steel table equals MAKSHIFT BARRICADE*
[12:00:15 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *It's effective enough*
[12:00:27 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Dr. Hax explodes into meat ala Half-Life 1.*
[12:00:38 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Ew.....
[12:00:54 AM] Ironwatsas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5tRNs2X5Q4
[12:01:05 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Grabs his Admin Shotgun off the wall*
[12:01:17 AM] Ironwatsas: Meanwhile I'm doing this!
[12:03:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: ... .Okay.
[12:05:08 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Still huddled behind his makeshift barricade, clutching admin shotgun and Physgun*
[12:07:37 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Headcrab chirble.*
[12:07:57 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Uh oh.
[12:08:18 AM | Edited 12:08:23 AM] Ironwatsas: *Along comes an E2 powered container with anti-noclip applied and nocollided to the world and all props but not players*
[12:08:36 AM | Edited 12:08:39 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Headcrab gurgle*
[12:08:58 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Obliterates the container via Physgun*
[12:09:13 AM | Edited 12:09:22 AM] Salem R. Jansen: (I.E., slamming it into the ground untill it dies)
[12:09:43 AM | Edited 12:09:53 AM] Ironwatsas: Ironwatsas spawns like 10 with a nunchuku of cars roped to them
[12:10:12 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Hurls it into oblivion*
[12:11:02 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Turns to Watsas, glaring.*
[12:11:05 AM] Salem R. Jansen: One more time....
[12:11:14 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Actually, no.
[12:11:21 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Ceiling panels burst open*
[12:11:34 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Go do something usefull and kill tha-- *Mauled by headcrabs*
[12:11:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: AAAAAAAAAAAA
[12:11:44 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *appendages drop down and grab you*
[12:11:55 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Barnacle sucking-up-noise-thing*
[12:12:20 AM | Edited 12:12:49 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Blows gigantic holes into everything with his Admin A-12 automatic shotgun*
[12:12:51 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Barnacles spit out meat on top of you*
[12:13:02 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Que suit's annoying voice*
[12:13:23 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Dropped uncerimoniously, then coated with digested human*
[12:13:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: GLech.....
[12:14:05 AM | Edited 12:14:14 AM] Salem R. Jansen: ..... Why is there the sound of a HAZMAT suit in my head? I WOULDN'T EVEN FIT IN ONE.
[12:14:41 AM | Edited 12:14:43 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): See Dr. Doppler's suit from Treasure Planet.
[12:15:12 AM] Ironwatsas: Ironwatsas spawns the magnet ball missile
[12:15:16 AM] Ironwatsas: Ohai :3
[12:15:24 AM] Ironwatsas: *which is glitched and crashes servers*
[12:16:30 AM] Salem R. Jansen: It should be noted that this is NOT A SERVER.
[12:16:38 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Admin-Shotguns Watsas*
[12:16:41 AM] Ironwatsas: :O
[12:16:49 AM] Ironwatsas: Ironwatsas launches the missile anyway
[12:16:57 AM] Ironwatsas: *then removes it, causing a glitch
[12:17:06 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Nothing happens*
[12:17:29 AM] Salem R. Jansen: MISCALULATIONS AHOY.
[12:17:40 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Pulverizes Watsas again*
[12:20:25 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Reloads just to be a badarse*
[12:20:47 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Likelike appears and attempts to eat your gun*
[12:21:22 AM] Salem R. Jansen: WHAT
[12:21:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *BLAM BLAM BLAM*
[12:21:36 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *explodes*
[12:21:40 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *drops Mr. Saturn*
[12:21:52 AM] Salem R. Jansen: SINK ME.
[12:21:55 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Zaps it*
[12:22:03 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *who is actually a Bob omb in a rubber suit*
[12:22:05 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *explodes*
[12:22:32 AM] Salem R. Jansen: It's like my house wants to kill me.
[12:22:46 AM] Salem R. Jansen: I oughtta move.
[12:23:00 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *The painting shakes its head*
[12:23:12 AM] Salem R. Jansen: ...........
[12:23:13 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" it calls.
[12:23:22 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Too late you realise it's a portrait of Gandalf.
[12:23:28 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Your floor cracks asunder.
[12:23:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Obliterates the painting*
[12:23:58 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): It manages to call out "Fly, you fools!" before it breaks.
[12:24:16 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Looks like I SHALL pass, mate..... Screw washing my head beforehand though. I'm OUT of here.
[12:24:33 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Hops the cracks, and proceeds out the door*
[12:24:59 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The house then turns into The Monster House and proceeds to chase you.
[12:25:19 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The Langoliers then appear at the other end of the street.
[12:25:48 AM] Salem R. Jansen: OH GOD! *Sprints, firing his Shotty foreward*
[12:26:01 AM] Salem R. Jansen: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.
[12:26:36 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): It's not very effective.
[12:26:42 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The roadway is fast disappearing.
[12:27:01 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Darts into the nearest house*
[12:27:50 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Langoliers swarm through the walls, floors, and intermediate areas, devouring spacetime itself*
[12:27:56 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Of all times, NOW would be the greatest for a Mobius Strip!
[12:29:24 AM | Edited 12:29:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Salem grabs the nearest set of Keys he can find, and turns to see the previous owner - now a Headcrab Zombie.... It was enjoying some coffee before the portly Raichu had came in unannounced.* I'M CONFISCATING YOUR CAR. *Salem darts into the garage.*
[12:29:59 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Headcrab zombie whine*
[12:30:16 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Potato's scream of fear*
[12:30:56 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Salem hops in to the car, flips the ignition, and punches the accelerator, paying no heed to the garage door*
[12:31:27 AM | Edited 12:31:35 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): He is heading straight for a void created by the Langoliers.
[12:32:01 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Flips the **** out, and dives out the back window*
[12:32:20 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): You land inside the garage again.
[12:32:39 AM | Edited 12:32:42 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The headcrab zombie approaches menacingly.
[12:32:51 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Think, Salem, THINK.
[12:33:06 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): A voice sounds in your head: "Run, Salem, RUN!"
[12:33:24 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Obliterates the zombie nonchalantly as he ponders the much more dangerous Langoliers*
[12:33:56 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The Langoliers are circling around and around, cutting through the fabric of spacetime like pernicious scissors through the muslin of your burial shroud.
[12:34:26 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Nowhere to ruuun.... Can't shoot them... .Closed off exiiits.....
[12:34:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Uh...
[12:34:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: I'LL MAKE MY OWN DOOR
[12:34:44 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): A wild Elvis appears.
[12:35:12 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Hurls a C4 at the wall, which hits the Elvis in the face instead.*
[12:35:16 AM] Salem R. Jansen: CLOSE ENOUGH
[12:35:26 AM | Edited 12:35:33 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Salem takes the nearest cover and detonates the C4*
[12:35:39 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): "Thangyouverymuch" he says as he disappears from spacetime just in time, using a handy wristwatch.
[12:35:53 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The C4 explodes and makes a hole in the wall..
[12:36:12 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *A hole just large enough for Salem, which he promptly uses*
[12:37:14 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Salem then Continues running, attempting to make a Pick-Up call to his Wraith.*
[12:37:31 AM] Salem R. Jansen: C'monc'monc'mooooon....
[12:37:35 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The Langoliers have a peculiar effect on transmissions.
[12:37:46 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The backyards of the houses appear to be somewhat less ravaged by their voracious maws.
[12:38:01 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): This is evidenced by a wildebeast stampede making good time away from them.
[12:38:15 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *Salem is heading that way precisely, and even further out.*
[12:38:31 AM] Salem R. Jansen: *... But having a bit of trouble keeping a steady pace*
[12:38:46 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The wildebeast appear to be moving somewhat faster.
[12:39:20 AM] Salem R. Jansen: NYRAGH! I'm not built to run this long! *Still, Salem keeps moving as quick as he can*
[12:39:28 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): There is no hope.
[12:39:59 AM | Edited 12:40:01 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Fortunately, a Langolier swoops down and eats the spacetime in front of them, causing them to plummet to their dooms.
[12:42:29 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "Wait just a God damn second." Salem stops, panting, and pulls out his trusty Tool Gun. Swicthing it to "Remover Tool", Salem takes aim at the incoming Langoliers.
[12:42:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "Aufwederzen."
[12:43:13 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem then starts shooting them, removing them from existence one by one.
[12:43:34 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): They eat the beam.
[12:44:00 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "WHAT. NO. THIS HAS PRIVALEGES BEYOND TIME AND SPACE."
[12:44:17 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem fires again.
[12:44:22 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): You see the TARDIS fly past.
[12:44:27 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): It's being chased by Langoliers.
[12:44:30 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): This is probably a bad sign.
[12:44:54 AM | Edited 12:46:02 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "..... Great. WELP, TIME TO NUKE THESE ****ERS."
[12:45:51 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem sets his Tool Gun to Advanced Dupe. He spawns a Nuke-bearing Harrier, and then climbs in side - a tight fit. He alights from the ground, and flies off*
[12:46:13 AM | Edited 12:47:03 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The Langoliers give chase.
[12:47:19 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem pulls far up into the sky, hoping the Langoliers will keep prisuit.
[12:47:38 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): They continue giving chase.
[12:47:45 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): They sing "Food, wonderful food."
[12:47:46 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "Perfect."
[12:48:21 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem rolls his harrier upside down, and pulls it into a steep dive.
[12:49:07 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "CHASE ME, IF YOU DARE."
[12:49:22 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): They give chase, forming into a swarm.
There is basically no landmass left.
[12:49:50 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "That should mean there isn't much gravity, either. Perfect."
[12:51:24 AM] Salem R. Jansen: After gaining as much speed as he could from the dive, Salem pulls back up, avoiding the Void down below. As expected there wasn't much speed shave from the maneouver.
[12:51:48 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The Langoliers easily keep up.
[12:51:57 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "You still want some of this? Good."
[12:53:05 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem shuts down the engines, still floading forward at the same speed, using what little air-resistance was left, he manages to flip the Harrier's nose to face the Langoliers.
[12:53:44 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "WELCOME TO PHYSICS 101 - FIRST LESSON...." Salem arms the warhead... "NUCLEAR FUSION!"
[12:53:58 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): They are hungry.
[12:55:36 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "Note that no creature - Not even Langoliers - can eat a celestial body as hot as a sun..... My friends - if this were a sun.... It would be a Blue Dwarf. Even if you can - this should satiate you! ENJOY!"
[12:56:31 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem looses the rocket-propelled warhead, set to dedonate within a few seconds. Salem brings the harrier's engines to life, and uses the plane's hovering capabilities to whip it around and rocket off.
[12:56:48 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): There is a massive explosion.
[12:57:01 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The EMP pulse fries your aircraft.
[12:57:18 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Nothing is in sight anywhere... but then again, you can't see much as you're falling wildly.
[12:58:21 AM | Edited 12:58:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "Thankfully, any landmass present would have the gravitational force of Earth's moon..... I can survive that.... Hopefully...."
[12:59:12 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Nothing appears to happen.
[12:59:28 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "This could be bad...."
[12:59:51 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): You then realise that's because you have the comparative gravitational imprint of Betelgeuse.
[1:01:23 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): You also notice a peculiar drifting from a mass of land you hadn't noticed before.
[1:01:40 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem checks the harriers systems - could anything miraculously be online? Fuel dumps? A burst of fuel left in the engine, perhaps....
[1:01:46 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "What the hell...."
[1:02:15 AM | Edited 1:02:19 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The landmass smashes into the harrier, the equivalent of a crashlanding.
Luckily, you're quite cushioned.
[1:04:18 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem is thrashed about inside the cockpit as the harrier tumbles about, self-destructing. Eventually it Settles upright, Salem groaning inside, feeling as if he had been inside a blender.
[1:04:37 AM] Salem R. Jansen: ".. ..What a riiiiiiiide....."
[1:07:33 AM | Edited 1:11:07 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem lifts what was left of the glass canopy up, and shakily climbs out of the cockpit, only to fall uncerimoniously to the ground, facefirst. Luckily the gravity was low, and as stated before numerous times, Salem was quite cushioned. "I'm alright..." he mumbles to nobody in paticular, before standing up to gaze around.
[1:08:18 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): *Headcrab chirp*
[1:09:26 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "........."
[1:09:47 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Salem lets out a short burst of expletives in an old dialect of German.
[1:10:00 AM] Salem R. Jansen: Whilst stomping around.
[1:12:01 AM | Edited 1:12:08 AM] Salem R. Jansen: "MEIN KOPF ALREADY LOOKS LIKE A CUTTING BOARD, I DON'T NEED SOME GOTTVERDOME HEADHUMPER MAKING IT WORSE," Salem screams.
[1:13:10 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): The headcrab appears over a small chunk of debris.
It stands up on two legs and begins to speak.
[1:13:48 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): "We are the last two sentient beings in the universe, oh mighty warrior," it begins in an oddly human voice. "It is our job to repopulate it with our offspring."
[1:13:55 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): DUN
DUN
DUUUN
[1:13:56 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): ...
[1:13:57 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): THE END.

[1:14:24 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir) ducks and runs out of the room.



[1:14:49 AM] Salem R. Jansen: A shout of "sunnovabitch" can be heard, accompaned by the sound of a shotgun going off.




[1:14:56 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): o/
[1:15:06 AM] Salem R. Jansen: \o
[1:15:11 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): ICHS?
[1:15:17 AM] Salem R. Jansen: The entire thing, yes.
[1:15:26 AM] Salem R. Jansen: That was brilliant.
[1:15:30 AM] Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir): Sprolf (Hr?thvitnir) salutes, Yessir, Mrs. Headcrab sir.
[1:15:41 AM] Salem R. Jansen: .....

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