Kaiserliche Polizei Rheinland Message Dump

[Tomtomrawr]

PRIORITY: [color=#33CC00]High
ENCRYPTION: Medium
IDENTIFICATION: Oberst Alison Falke
SOURCE: Battleship Strausberg, New Berlin system
SUBJECT: Report

Yesterday, I was given temporary command of the Prison Liner Saarbrucken for an important mission. We had received reports of the dangerous terrorist - the Joker - entering Rheinland space through the Omegas. The Saarbrucken was dispatched as a test of the Prison Liner abilities in combat against gunboat-class ships.

We arrived at Bonn and were soon joined by Wachmann Kurlei in his Banshee and Kommissar Olavsson in one of the shared Bergelmirs. No other support was coming, so we moved to the confirmed location of the Joker, the Stuttgart gate.

The lunatic wasted no times with pleasentries, and after some brief words he opened fire. We returned fire, with Olavsson and the Saarbrucken targetting the gunboat, while Kurlei targetted the Eagle that the Joker had brought as an escort.

The attack ended in disaster. Olavsson was soon shot down, along with Kurlei, and the Prison Liner proved extremely inefficient in its attack. We were soon in the retreat, with the Joker and his thug bombarding the now exposed hull of the crippled Liner. I gave the order to evacuate the ship, when suddenly the fire stopped. He hailed us, and gave us an offer: executing over one hundred of our crew in exchange for the lives of the rest.

My mind was already focused on my decision on this offer, and was busy ordering the immediate restart of the engines, the full focus of power moving into the weapons, and the movement of the crew to the escape pods. The crew installed an auto-pilot and auto-fire procedure into the computer, and we made our way to the escape pods and ship-dock. My Wraith was parked on the Saarbrucken, and I opened the hangar doors and drifted out of the ship. I only kept life support on, so I escaped undetected.

I watched the escape pods launch from the ship, and then saw the engines fire up and the Saarbrucken resume firing. I deployed my tractor beam and scooped up as many pods as possible before entering cruise, much to the anger of the Joker and his servant.

Twenty-four crewmembers are currently unaccounted for, and the Saarbrucken has been destroyed. A salvage team has been despatched to pick up the pieces.

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[17:45:39] Wolfs Ghost (Murphy): Tom, you have problems. Go kill yourself.
[19:25:12] Johnny (Jam): Tomtom, I will beat you with a spoon.
[14:22:56] Prarabdh Thakur: KILL HIM WITH A SHEEP.
[17:40:48] Eagle (Junes): Tom should be slapped with a spoon.
[11:32:18] Warspite: Thank you for being so awesome Tom. <3
[18:17:36] Metano: I love you tomtom
[20:06:24] Warspite: I will seriously give you epic head.

Edit: also, Tomtomrawr, fappin' like a boss.