Mr Alex T. Alabaster Thanks for your application, H.R are being consulted imminently.
We hope that you have put menial labour behind you, we're not in the habit of rubbing shoulders with grease-monkeys. And you better not just be doing this just to legally distribute restricted class drugs, We expect all of our employees to uphold the Cryer legacy with dillgence.
We're prepared to be discreet about your indiscretions if you are; we'd like to make sure you can stay off the sauce if need be; to that end - we'd like you to have a cortex bomb fitted which triggers if you blood alcohol level exceeds 0.10, which would of course be removed after a probationary period.
Of course, no more vehicle theft for thrills; and we'd like you to make financial compensation to any previously aggrieved parties, and attend a short seminar entitled "All hands: zero productivity".
If you can agree to these terms and keep your nose clean, you can collect your fashionably tailored red trousers from Denver reception.