The Story of Aidan Patrick

[McNeo]

Well, since i forgot the whole story, I re-read the whole thing and it has a lot of depth in it. Things don't seem out of place like they may do in other stories, or unreal. It is a turbulent story of your character, which is excellent. Nothing too eccentric or unreal, which makes the story all the more believable.

There is nothing which could really be improved enough to make a difference to your story, though if you intend to post chapter II, or part of it, then make sure you don't leave out things that happened in your absence (if they tie in adequately to your story).

If you feel like putting Stuart into the story (or Mandy for that matter), feel free. Just make sure, if you include Stuart, that this happened before his emotional breakdown, which I am currently writing.

Overall, great story so far, and it leaves enough to be imagined as well as described.

(As a tip, you may want to post all of the story in the Stories section where we wont comment, we will just read.)