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[Hidamari]

Dear Mother.

Brrrr... its cold out a little, and inside too actually.. got to save those credits. Ive got a confession to make, ive actually not been on patrol in, well a little over a week now. I put myself on the reserve listing, so my pay has gotten drastically less, heh.

I felt strange mother, remember I wrote you and told you about the corsairs we found. I couldn't shake off this feeling of.. well, you know when somthing inside you just snaps. I felt like I was going out of my mind, i was so upset mother. If im honest, I did cry many times after that day, alone here in my appartment. Its a good job my captain didnt see, did I tell you about Captain Zanders? hes a very straigh arrow man, sort of like dad was, I think id die inside if he had seen what I was like at that time, or what I was like here afterwards.

The thought of getting all mushy infront of him, and even the others, makes me shiver a little, 'you have to be tougher than that to stick it out here' is what he'd say mother, im sure of it.

So I put myself in reserve, try to calm down a little, im sorry I wont be home for christmas, i'll be doing a lot of training exercises during my down time... you know when dad used to want me to follow what he said to the letter, and then you would tell me to use my head, that keeps happening. suddenly I find myself in a bad situation and without any orders to go by... its, hard to make the right choice. Miss Kelly and Leiutenant Valieri seem to be able to manage it like it was nothing. I get stuck in my mind, then I panic, then I screw up.

You know like I said, I didnt want you to send any money. I think I may need some soon.. I cant aford to live like this much longer.. I'm sorry for letting you down. I've seen a job at a club, it looks a little.. risque, but the man said I'd be perfect for the job and right now, I really need the money. Someday soon i'll be able to come home and see you, and i'll be on top form again.. hopefully

love you loads Mother, Greg and Vinny.

Tia X x x

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