I'm afraid, people. I'm afraid for all of us. Those of you who have decided to tune in for the is broadcast, please, find a seat. Sit down, have a cup of hot mud, and relax. You're not going to like what you hear.
Folks, I've known about this for a long time. A long time, folks, I've seen this coming. If you look far enough back in this "dump" of "messages" that I keep as my personal journal, you'll see it plain as day. I knew that one day we'd have to face our worst fears head on and confront our greatest enemies. People said, "Oh, that Brakel-man, he's just CRAAAZY. He don't mean what he says." And you know what? They're right. Most of the time, they're probably right. Nothing that I say matters anymore. There are no words that I could possibly speak that hold more weight than these:
The Tree-People are here.
People, people, please, remain calm. We cannot allow the Tree-People of Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau-Eleventy-Eight to gain the upper hand here just because we cannot find it in ourselves to remain civil.
Now, after the initial panic, I imagine many of you will turn immediately to doubt. "Surely it's a lie!", you'll think. "Our defenses are impenetrable! The Tree-People of Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau-Eleventy-Eight would never make it to our front door in one piece!" Well, I though so, too. But I have FIRST-HAND proof that the Tree-People have made their way as far as Manhattan. And yet, you'll have to bear with me as I relay my story. I cannot provide photographic evidence, nor can I provide an official "log" of the exact events that took place tonight. Undoubtedly, the Tree-Person I met disabled my recording devices before I could even think to turn them on. Listen well, friends.
It began as any other night. Actually, it began with a Xeenuh-m'n. There was a Navyguy looking for him, and the Xeenuh-m'n gave his position as the Colorado Color-hole. However, I was sitting right next to the Xeenuh-m'n in Purpleland, the big cloud at the "south" end of the system. Despite my efforts to aid in confusing the Xeenuh-m'n's pursuer, the Xeenuh-m'n ordered me to leave him, and threatened to hurt me and Bert.
So we left. We left for Manhattan.
Upon arriving at Manhattan, I saw another ship. A normal-looking ship, with a pilot that called itself "Williow". I thought nothing odd about the ship or its pilot at the time. "Williow" offered me a peach, and I accpeted it. Eventually, another pilot came to the scene, this one called Tess. "Willow" began to speak of its "fruits", which it apparently "makes". And still, I was blind to this pilot's strangeness. When Tess and myself questioned "Willow" further, it explained to us just what it was. It explained in great detail just how its body was formed, leaves, flesh and all. It described itself as some crazy "science experiment." Clearly a lie, but to my shame, I bought it.
There it was: A Tree-Person of Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau-Eleventy-Eight, displaying itself directly in front of me, and I did nothing. I was oblivious. Tess and I even went on to describe our bodies in great detail, just as "Willow" had done for us. I told this newcomer everything about my physical self, from my Ground-Slappers right up to my Fishnoodle! I gave the enemy a perfect image of our species-type without even thinking.
Later, after Tess had left, I was alone with this "Willow." It asked me to come to its "garden" some time, to "Frolic in the trees" or some such nonsense. I asked about the garden, and as it descibed to me its home, it finally hit me: Oh my Fish. These are the Tree-People. AS IF IT HADN'T GIVEN ME ENOUGH HINTS ALREADY. With my words, and with Bert's fearsomeness, we were able to drive off this "Willow" for now. But this isn't the end, folks. We've only just begun.
Clearly, the Tree-People of Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau-Eleventy-Eight (from here on referred to as "Treeple") seem to possess some form of Psionic power. This Treeperson was able to scramble my thoughts so badly that I was unable to realize just what I was dealing with, even after the Treeperson exposed itself to me. And what I fear most right now... that "peach". I realize that I have never even seen a peach before. How do I know that this fruit it gave was actually a peach? Or even a fruit at all? It said that it produced this fruit on its own... so what dangers did I face when I ate it? What could it contain? Poison? Neuro-toxin? mind-control device? Dirty socks? I fear the worst...
People, I am sorry for my disjointed presentation here... I'm still quite shaken up from the experience, and I may not have crafted quite as interesting a read as I normally do, but this is serious business, people.
Some of you may remember the time when we found ourselves under attack by the Treeples' allies, the evil Rocks. And during that time, many brave souls came forward to defend our great Greatness... and many did not return from the battlefield. I know that in that time, we managed a narrow victory thanks to my ingenious plan. But against the Treeple? I have no plan. I have no answers. I have little hope.
Our greatest enemy has finally arrived, and we are not ready.
![[Image: Zukeenee2.gif]](http://i.imgur.com/cMA8ubJ.png)