Brakelatabasaasta Message Dump

[Zukeenee]

Comm ID: Brakelatabasaasta
Transmit to: Brakelatabasaasta

Time for minor celebration, space-men! Today marks our first major victory over the Treeple of Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau Eleventy-Eight!

So I was flyin' around, lookin' to get some new pens for my pen-collection, when I heard some guy shout over the noise-box, sayin' all stuff like "You horrible tree! You shot me!" And stuff. Immediately, I forgot all about my pen-collection and swung into action! I searched high and low for the Tree-person, and near and far... and I found it in front of the "Bush" place! Coincidence? I think maybe.

We had a long back and forth discussion, where the Tree-person was all talking about things like "I'm gonna spread my seeds" and "Blah blah blah I eat babies n' stuff" and I stood there yelling "EEEEVIL" and "DEEEAAATH" at the Tree-person.

It talked about its "Garden" again, and said that it wasn't actually in Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau Eleventy Eight. Apparently, its home-garden-thing can move. This makes the Treeple a much greater threat! Imagine if they moved their garden to the New Yorky place and started throwing their plant-stuff everywhere? Oh, the Who-man-ity!

After much more yelling on my part, and threats of cuddling on the Tree-person's part, the Tree-person got into a whoosh-ring and left toward the planet! Fearing the worst, I took off after it, thinking it would spread its EVIL SPORES to the ground-side and mercilessly slaughter everyone on the Man-Hat! "EEEEVIL TREE-PERSON!" I said, "I've got my eye on you!" But then the Tree-person went all like "I like it when you look at me" and things got kinda creep-a-creep-a. So I stopped looking at it! But I still followed...

At the planet, we took another whoosh-ring, and then another, and then we flew into one of those shiny-metal-magic claws and ended up in a New Space! I was afraid that the Tree-person had somehow used its EEEVIL POWERS of dimensional-gates and teleported us both to the Omi-Sig-Mega-Tau Eleventy-Eight system, but my fears were soon... made not feary. I soon recognized the Space-Place as the Penns-- Pennzoi-- Pennahennasee... Um, the Pen-System. Which has lots of Pens. But I had no time to think of my collection here!

I followed the Tree-person through two more whoosh-rings, and we came to a stationplace called "Beth." The Tree-person docked with the station and came out a few seconds later, and gave me some stuff. It was all like, "Take this and eat it, for this is my body" or something, so I went all "FISH NO" and threw the stuff from Bert's belly as hard as I could! Then I used my green-makers to make it green by going all-a "pewpewpew."

So then the Tree-person went all "OW that hurt," but it wanted to give me more of the stuff! They were like, smelly leave or something. I dunno. But destroying them clearly hurt the Tree-person, so I was all for it! Except that when the Tree-person gave me more of the leafy-thingies, it told me that destroying them with space-lasers just made the seeds spread faster! It told me that in order to destroy it properly, I'd have to burn it! So I was like, "Fish yeah, then, gimme all of that stuff, so I can take it back to my dumpster home to burn and DESTROY YOU!" Well, I mean, destroy a part of it. Like I told the Tree-person, I'm not so daft to believe that destroying these small parts of the Treeple had any major effect on the whole. But hey! It's a start!

So here I am, back at my dumpster home, ready to dump all these smelly leaves in a bi and light it all on fire! And the Tree-person gave really good advice, too, like "make sure to breathe in the smoke" and "Remember to take deep breaths while burning that stuff" and things like that. So I will. I'll breathe in my victory with great victoriousness! That'll teach those Treeple. They CAN'T control me!

But for every major victory, there must be a loss. I'm sad to say that we lost yet another unsuspecting civilian-guy to the EVIL Treeple. He was called Duane, and his final moments before total Tree-person mind-control were documented on the System-Comms-Thing. You fought well, soldier-Duane. May you find peace and rainbows in the next reality.

And now it's time to get off and burn this stuff! See ya later... um... who am I transmitting to? Oh right. See ya later, then, "Brakelatabasaasta!" And keep an eye out for the EVIL Treeple!

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