TO: Liberty citizens

[Tomtomrawr]

Officer Stevenson of the Liberty Traffic Police was browsing his neural net mail account. The keyboard was covered with sugar dust that fell from the jam donuts he was stuffing down his throat. He took another sip of his soft drink through the stereotypically loud straw for fast food drink cups, and moved on to the next message.

'Spam', he said aloud, casting the 50% off liposuction offer to eternal oblivion. He took another bite out of his sugar donut and checked the next message. He laughed.

'Order? "Are you aware of the threat?" Are you aware of the time you're wasting for me to delete your spam?' It joined the liposuction discount in oblivion.

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[17:45:39] Wolfs Ghost (Murphy): Tom, you have problems. Go kill yourself.
[19:25:12] Johnny (Jam): Tomtom, I will beat you with a spoon.
[14:22:56] Prarabdh Thakur: KILL HIM WITH A SHEEP.
[17:40:48] Eagle (Junes): Tom should be slapped with a spoon.
[11:32:18] Warspite: Thank you for being so awesome Tom. <3
[18:17:36] Metano: I love you tomtom
[20:06:24] Warspite: I will seriously give you epic head.

Edit: also, Tomtomrawr, fappin' like a boss.