The Truth Unveiled

[Saerieve]

It's been a whole week since he got the news about Rin, although that wasn't much of a news as it's been nearly a year ago since what he didn't want to think about happened to her. He never thought realizing the truth would've been this hard for him, he never thought it would hurt him this bad. Realizing the one you loved, the one you wanted, the one you spent months thinking about, was no more... Realizing it was all a trick, a bad joke you were stuck in...

All that kept repeating in his head was how didn't he realize it from the very first moment? Now that he thought about it, it was just too obvious to ignore. All those dreams, all those feelings, all those voices... It wasn't the first time he was victim of a nomad mind-control, and yet, he didn't realize it. What kind of a fool was he? Flying right into a trap completely willingly, and getting stuck in it for months... That's nothing like what he ever wanted be. It was just like someone was playing his own game on him.

It's been nine days since the last time he left for space. His Katana was sitting in the hangar of Ainu, unused ever since, only because he was too 'wounded' to go to space. Any place other than his small room felt too big for him that he felt lost, even the corridors of Ainu. The same corridors that he tried to avoid in past few days, and would only go out when most of the station were asleep. He was trying to think less about Rin, to push her out of his mind, as she was never what he thought of her to be... But every single girl he walked past reminding him of her, even when they looked nothing similar, didn't help at all.

One thing he knew, was that he can't stay there anymore. He wanted to be somewhere quiet, somewhere that doesn't remind him of her, somewhere that helps him get rid of all the thoughts he didn't want, and somewhere that brought him closer to what he wanted to be, someone 'unattached'. But where could he go? He didn't have any real place to call his own before he met Rin, he would wander around Sirius, system to system, parking his ship somewhere off the plane and sleeping in the cockpit, and only visiting stations to resupply his ship. Where could he go now? He had to either give his Katana up, so he could leave Kusari, so he could return to his past life - which seemed totally pointless to him now -, or stay and suffer from every familiarity in every face that reminded him of what he wanted to forget.

He wished he could just grab the ship and fly away pointlessly, but having no goal was something he wasn't used to anymore. He now had a life, a goal, a cause. He had earned respect of many with what he had done in past months, and although he didn't do any of these for himself, and only to 'win' the girl he wanted, now that he had realized the girl never really existed, he knew one thing - That although he had earned all these for someone else, but those were his own now, so he had to use them.

Abandoning everything and walking off - although seemed like the best way of soothing him - was nothing other than a move he would regret some time in close future, that much he knew.

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