I had a salaciously sordid and unhealthily unconventional dream about Nanny. Her devil's dumplings were as moist and milky as ever. I do miss them so. Note to self: have sheets laundered.
Received crucial communication from the Admiralty this morning. I was sitting down to some buttered muffins when the blower rang. I pushed the young fellow aside and got on the horn.
Long story short: it appears I shall be forced to give more frequent, detailed, accurate and less-sounding-like-the-ramblings-of-a-senile-halfwit accounts of my daring deeds On Her Mountable Majesty's Homoerotic and Homicidal Service in order to secure further funding for the S.O.E.'s mission to remove the innards of the Kusari Emperor, his family, pet llama, the Kusari government, and everyone not in possession of a title and to display said organs in a public place as a stark warning to anyone that to trifle with Her Majesty's Armed Forces is akin to waving one's be-jammed genitalia before a swarm of killer bees that have succumbed to psychopathic tendencies and ingested some methamphetamine.
We had a sing-song last night after the interrogation session with the now unfortunately deceased-and-most-likey-in-the-chemical-toilet captain of the gunboat we captured previously. I was scrubbing the tangled entrails from my arthiritic hands when I decided to belt out a delightful ditty which I must remember to teach the staff at HQ in order to raise morale. I shall record it here in case I have another "episode" and find myself in the mess-hall requesting more cucumbers.
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I'd keep some vaseline handy if I was you.
Keep smilin' through - just like you always do
'Til you hear my heavy breathing come your way.
So will you say "Tally ho" to the chaps down below
Tell them - the engine room is where I long to be.
They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go
I was getting ready to do a "Number Three".
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I would have some vaseline on standby if I was you.
