Sirius Business: The Life and Times of Jack Burton

[AngelOfIron]

Jack Burton is possibly the greatest man ever to travel the trade lanes of the Sirius Sector. Or at least that's what he'll tell you. Jack has seen it all working as an independent trader but not quite done it all and part of him hopes things will stay that way. He also has a gift for gab and can often be heard over system wide comm talking about his experiences of the day, be them mundane or otherwise. He's also not afraid to speak his mind about what he really thinks of the many superpowers that influence Sirius, exclaiming that free speech is the right of every citizen of Liberty.

Misc. Notes of Interest about Jack -
* Jack is a homage to the hero of John Carpenter's cult classic film Big Trouble in Little China.
* Jack will sometimes speak of how he used to be the captain of his very own Barge, but after he "forgot to leave the parking brake on" the vessel drifted into the gravitational well of a moon that he was orbiting and subsequently became pulverized on its surface which in turn resulted in his ID of the time being revoked. (An obvious nod to the grandiose "WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT PLANETARY LANDING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES" message displayed on the top of the Barge's wiki page.)
* Jack has been sued by several different radio stations across the sector claiming illegal infringement of the name "Sirius Business", which likely explains why Jack is in a constant state of financial debt.
* The visual basis for Jack can be seen here.
* This character has absolutely no connections to the user Jack Burton, GST CEO John Burton or The.Pork-Chop.Express.

//Just to clear up any confusion that might arise, breaks in paragraphs that feature a quintet of asterisks denote a burst of static, as do breaks between sentences that're comprised of thee periods encased in brackets. Either of these things can occur several times during a single log entry, and it's this author's way of dealing with writer's block.

Captain's Log, 01/24/3011

[Entry begins] If you're just reading this log it's because the rest of the entries have been corrupted beyond recovery, and if that's the case then let me fill you in on what all you've missed. It'd recently come to the realization that my baby, the almighty Dust Mite, was on 'er last legs. The Dust Mite was a CSV specifically designed to mine, process and haul scrap metal. She'd been serving me faithfully for the past five years now, but after this last layover on Los Angeles it dawned on me that I was going to have to look into retiring the old gal.

* * * * * *

During my routine scavenger operations in the debris fields surrounding Manhattan I happened to strike up a conversation with an individual who, for the sake of his reputation, shall remain anonymous. It's hard to say how long the two of us were out there exchangin' pleasantries, but before he was chased by the authorities he set me up with a set of coordinates that lead me to a nearby freighter wreck. "Consider it a parting gift," he told me. The hulk might've been impressive back in the day, but at this point it was hard to tell what classification she even was. The inside wasn't much to look at either, but it at least provided me with a change of scenery. I really can't say how long it took until my IGPS synced up with the precise latitude and longitude given to me, but, lemme tell you, the pay off was worth lost hours.

The colossal durasteel doors that stood before me had grown brittle from being exposed to the cold of space for God knows how long. It only took a couple of well placed demolition charges to free them from their hinges. Luckily I was prepared for the explosive decompression that followed, but that didn't make it any less frightening. Bodies, some possibly older than the ship itself, were sucked into the void, likely never to be seen again along with other debris and detritus. Luckily the safety deposit boxes were all intact and unopened. I pause then and wonder just how my mysterious friend had come to learn of the location of this long lost treasure. More importantly, why hadn't he bothered to claim it for himself? "Not important," I told myself. "What is important is that you take what you can before those Navy boys come back."

4,000,000 Sirius Credits. That's right folks, four-million! It's enough to make me think that maybe I should start dealing exclusively in antiquity. Man, oh man. Suddenly I could see my future again, all bright and shining. With four mil I could buy a fleet of CRVs! But, being the practical guy that I am, I decided to invest in something more... well... practical!

* * * * * *

So here I am now aboard the Brumas, a DL-Hai "Grizzly" Liberty Shuttle that I purchased second hand from my good buddy Dane Summers. I got 'er at the standard package price of $3,316,770, but I'm not regrettin' it. Honestly she's a pretty formidable machine, given her classification. 4 Class 9 Guns, 4 Class 2 Turrets, 1 Bedroom, 1 Bath. Yeah. Definitely a worthwhile investment! So the lawyers could wait a little longer. Who had time to worry about breaking copyright infringement when one's own livelihood hung in the balance? Nobody, that's who! And certainly not yours truly, good ol' Jack Burton!

* * * * * *

Now before I sign off I'd just like to say that I hope whoever purchases my CSV treats her well. Remember, she pulls a bit to the right when entering magnetic fields, and her targeting sights are always going to be off by a couple of degrees one way or another. But if you treat her kindly and don't knock her around, then you'll have a friend for life. [Entry ends]

---