Red Hessian Army wants you!

[Theranes]

[Incoming Transmission]
[Sender Location: Encrypted
[Sender ID: Raimund Koertig]
[Incoming transmission begins in 5,4,3,2,1...]

Guten Tag to ze Honoured Leadership ov ze Red Hessian Army, zis is Ralf Koertig speaking. Ze story ov my life will perhaps not interest you, but I zink a proper introduction is in order if I try to joing Ihr ranks.
My early life was, to say, typical ov any citizen ov Der Vaterland - I was born on ze planet ov New Berlin, to a moderately wealthy family ov journalists for many generations - a quite, dangerous profession in Rheinland these days. It was natural that I took up their profession after I've grown up, and started working for various propaganda broadcasts ov "Ze Gottkannzler" - as we were all taught to belive during childhood under ze opression ov terror. I myself would not have recognised ze pure evil governing the society ov Der Vaterland, if it weren't for a report I made on some shady deals ov a Kruger middleman - which would not have been such a problem if ze Kruger batboy weren't a distant relative ov der Kannzler - a recognition which came to late in order to save my family from destruction. One night, ze operatives ov ze MND broke ze door open ov our family appartment on Berlin, and took us into custody. I was warned that for "gratuitious disturbance ov the safety ov Rheinland" I was to be sentenced to 15 years ov prison, und as an additional punishment to stop "ze enemies ov Ze Gottkannzler from lurking in ze shadows", be confiscated ov all our family property.
However, in ze preliminary jail, I met one ov Ihr operatives - whose name is still unknown to me, but I promised I would pay him back personally one day for his good deeds - helped me escape custody, und obtain a leftover Junker CSV with which I eventually escaped ze planet.
Until I am able to find ze aforementioned operative though, I'd like to help Ze Volkrevolution personally - I have recognised the vile condition Ze Vaterland currently suffers from, and I shall do my best to change it for ze better, be it through the weapon ov words or the words ov weapons.

Raimund Koertig over und out.

[Incoming Transmission ends]

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