[font=Verdana][color=#33CC00]SUBMITTER: [color=#FFCC00]Flieger Alla Sulzer, Rheinland Military. [color=#33CC00]RECIPIENT: [color=#FFCC00]Rheinland Military Report Database. [color=#33CC00]SUBJECT: [color=#FFCC00]Patrol report, 04. 06. 819.
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Flieger Sulzer reporting.
I'm confident by now that the Coalition forces that showed up in Hamburg attempted claiming total victory over a ludicrous ass-kicking we performed with Viv, the two of us (plus poor Watzmann) put an entire fleet of them communists to the run. Here's an official statement, for the press:
Spearheaded by a Destroyer and a gunboat, the 'Totenkopf' (if you're unsure what that means, check the hat of doctor Miller), the enemy force was lurking around the lane to Westfalen from Hamburg. As they spotted me, they made a run for the nearby Nordheide, but I saw it fit to make sure they leave Rheinland. They didn't.
After a shorter period of conversation, they attacked me with three to four fighters, to "chase me off." Watzmann soon arrived, but it seemed he left the fleet back at home.
Quote:[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Say, Watzmann.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Where's the rest of the fleet?
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: Tied up.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: I pin them here and you come alone.
[RM]Fl.Billy.Watzmann: Admiring they're own ships.
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: Pin us here? *He Laughs*
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Pin you here.
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: You take too much credit where it's due.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: I'm dodging three ships, damn it! Sure as hell I feel important!
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: Not really. We just want to run you off
By that conversation, you can also determine how they were trying to run me off, yes. Then just as Watzmann was shot down, Viv arrived. The commies gave us another chance to "leave."
Quote:SCRA|Jacob.Forge: Ladies, leaving now will avoid bloodshed.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: We'll stay, prepare the coffins.
SCRA|Jacob.Forge: Your choice then.
Then they threw their whole force at us, even their gunboat came in to shoot pulses at my ass.
Following a few minutes of fierce fighting during which we crippled two of their fighters, they suddenly decided to distract us so they can evacuate some very important person who didn't even exist before we kicked their asses! Needless to say, it was a hilarious excuse to cover up their retreat and look like the victors over a situation that turned out against their original plans.
We shot down their "distraction", a very heavy fighter and then some retard in a light fighter shot his escape pod into the sun as we were chasing him. Very cunning.
Quote:SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: *He Slow Claps* Brilliant. You destroyed the distraction.
SCRA|Boris.Bykov: *ejects both pods* Who is stupid no, da?
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Sun sun sun sun.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: You obviously are.
Vivien.Schmitt: YOU MAD OR WHAT ?
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Ejecting his pod into the sun.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Very clever.
Vivien.Schmitt: Tehehehehe
Vivien.Schmitt: What a loser
Death: SCRA|Boris.Bykov was killed by Vivien.Schmitt (Gun)
I suffered minimal damage, Viv was unharmed. We made our way back to Hamburg while the Coalitionists were yelling about how smart they were by running from two fighters with their tails between their legs.
Quote:SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: Well, that was unexpected. *He Shrugs* But it's Boris.
Vivien.Schmitt: POOR BORIS
Vivien.Schmitt: POOR SOUL
BNG|LNS-Santo.Domingo: Poor him.
BNG|LNS-Santo.Domingo: May he rest in peace.
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Oh no Vivien!
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: We were so trapped!
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: The SCRA was actually fooling us!
Vivien.Schmitt: Ah now the biggest losers are here too
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Oh noooo!
Realizing it was ALL A MASTER PLAN!!!!
Quote:SCRA|Jacob.Forge: Now go kiss and whatnot ladies.
Being instructed to kiss. Alright...
Quote:[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: Vivien!
Vivien.Schmitt: Me ?
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: The SCRA defeated us, face it.
Vivien.Schmitt: Tehehehehe
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: We so got distracted.
Vivien.Schmitt: Failed commies
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: In the meantime they must have bombed the pope's residence.
Vivien.Schmitt: Yeee
[RM]Fl.Alla.Sulzer: *Sarcastically wipes off a non-existing tear.*
We SO GOT DEFEATED OH MY GOD!
Quote:SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: It's almost amusing how you assume the distraction meant anything more then a window to pull out our more valuable
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: assets.
SCRA|Jacob.Forge: Wow...I hear stuff about Female being superior...Um...no. Not in this case.
SCRA|CPW-Totenkopf: Wolfe: *He smirks to himself* Once again, you completely miss the point Rheinlanders. Fighter Corps, return to base.
And finally, we COMPLETELY missed the point! It has all been a master plan! They pulled out their more valuable assets which weren't valuable at all five minutes before that!
So yeah, their propaganda ministry needs some replacement, I haven't laughed so hard during my military service.
Finally, here's the glorious Coalition force in its full might:
It's such a shame that we only got two of them before they ran off.
![[Image: alla-1.png]](http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm144/zombie2279/alla-1.png)
![[Image: EPICTRICKYCOALITIONFORCEOMG.png]](http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm144/zombie2279/EPICTRICKYCOALITIONFORCEOMG.png)