Feedback on 'Fantasmas de la Nube Siniestra' RP

[Vince Piccio]

The RP is here. I'd like comments on it, and no flames please.

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[Heartless]

hmm...

It's... odd for one thing.

It can give you an image in your head of what's happening, although it could do better on that.

So if he sees the light after he dies, is he in heaven?

I'm sure you'll add more, because more is what you need right now, but not too shabby at this point.

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SwissScorch --> Heartless

[Fellow Hoodlum]

Gawd, one post and the 'Critics Jitters' ... Get a couple more in print before asking. Always hard to judge
anything on the first outing.

Hood:dry:

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[onca]

Vince, don't worry about nothing. It sounds fine, it was a good lead-in. Short 'n sweet is good, most people have an attention span of 8 seconds. Let's see where it's headed.....:cool:

[McNeo]

Its good that your first post was RP, unlike so many who's first post is usually in the "sanctions" section...

Of course, I don't understand what is going on entirely, BUT I can picture the scene very vividly in my mind. It is defiantly very good in this respect, even though it is a little hard to tell if you can be that consistent. Either way though, kudos to you for your first post being RP!

[Vince Piccio]

Yeah, McNeo, just so you know... this is an alias that I post the RP and take the feedback under. But thank you all, and yes, there is a lot more.

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[Korrd]

One correction:

The title. It should read "Fantasmas de la Nube Siniestra", not siniestre.

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(Really, I speak terrible English, so please, tell me if I make mistakes. I'd like to improve it a bit )

[Willert]

that is good more more MORE

[Vince Piccio]

Thanks for the positive feedback, and another post made.

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[onca]

That's was enjoyable, Vince:)Not what I expected. It creates a good atmosphere. And it has a bit of a lurve scene;)