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  Discovery Gaming Community Role-Playing Stories and Biographies RP Stories Feedback Forum
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GuapMan Feedback Thread

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GuapMan Feedback Thread
Offline GuapMan
08-17-2016, 05:59 AM, (This post was last modified: 10-19-2017, 02:13 PM by GuapMan.)
#1
Member
Posts: 329
Threads: 26
Joined: Mar 2016

I'm working on character stories and what not i haven't written much before. I'm still learning a bit but i'm happy with what I can produce at this point in time. Let me know what you think of it all, any feedback is greatly appreciated. ( Would prefer positive, but anything helps )


- Orlando Spiteri Journal [IN PROGRESS]

- Orlando Spiteri Datebase/Bio [IN PROGRESS]

- MIA - Past events of Orlando Spiteri [IN PROGRESS]
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Offline Vendetta
08-17-2016, 06:02 AM,
#2
Technocrat Overlord
Posts: 2,689
Threads: 230
Joined: Sep 2013

You've been putting effort in to things and trying, and I'm glad you're asking for help with stuff. Keep up the good work and you'll improve in no time.

Currently unable to consistently be present in the Community due to life constraints.

Youtube
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[Image: rherh3.png]
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Offline GuapMan
08-17-2016, 06:27 AM, (This post was last modified: 08-17-2016, 06:27 AM by GuapMan.)
#3
Member
Posts: 329
Threads: 26
Joined: Mar 2016

(08-17-2016, 06:02 AM)Vendetta Wrote: You've been putting effort in to things and trying, and I'm glad you're asking for help with stuff. Keep up the good work and you'll improve in no time.

Thanks Ven, it's been good with you helping i appreciate it alot!
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Offline WildBill
08-17-2016, 06:56 AM,
#4
Member
Posts: 268
Threads: 44
Joined: Jun 2011

Great job so far. It's good work for a starting story. We chatted a bit about it on skype, so none of this will be news to you. Some visual aids would really improve your story. Screenshots, video, chat logs, etc help to tie it in with the actual in game encounters you have. It allows players to physically see what you have experienced. As you continue the story I am sure it will start coming together into a more cohesive story. I like the premise, starting off as CR. I don't know if this will help or not, but it would be cool to know more about your life before leaving the Republic. Like, what did you do? Did you achieve any sort of rank or acclaim? Did you leave family behind in the Republic? Some more backstory would be awesome.

[Image: uc?export=view&id=0B2Lt2LOfU6qySTRHdUNWaGxGeEk]
Wild Bill's Custom Interface
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Offline GuapMan
08-17-2016, 08:22 AM,
#5
Member
Posts: 329
Threads: 26
Joined: Mar 2016

Yeah i understand what you mean, I'm working on a character bio that's just his journal i'll end up making his story soon!

but thanks heaps bill, means heaps. Smile
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Offline Operator
08-17-2016, 08:40 AM,
#6
Member
Posts: 1,068
Threads: 60
Joined: Apr 2015

looks good, keep up a good work pal
  Reply  
Offline Enkidu
08-17-2016, 08:58 AM,
#7
UN| Unioners
Posts: 4,082
Threads: 378
Joined: Apr 2013

You're starting to develop Orlando into a nuanced character. He comes off as a hotblooded, hotheaded hotshot, but with a conscience which is ultimately lawful good and an ego directed at helping people out. Him and Nesrin are going to get along swimmingly.

[Image: XTF1d6x.png]
THE SYNDIC LEAGUES
(A co-operative of Rheinland's Shipping Unions, retired from a life of piracy.)
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(Links pending redevelopment).
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Offline GuapMan
08-17-2016, 09:32 AM,
#8
Member
Posts: 329
Threads: 26
Joined: Mar 2016

I'm glad you like it dunc, I generally like your RP aswell.
It's good to spend most my time flying with you and learning a lot, I learnt alot from you. Smile
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Offline GuapMan
10-19-2017, 02:15 PM, (This post was last modified: 10-19-2017, 02:16 PM by GuapMan.)
#9
Member
Posts: 329
Threads: 26
Joined: Mar 2016

Just wanted to give this a bump that I Edited / Added some things and am in the progress of catching up on some of this.
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Offline Reeves
10-19-2017, 03:20 PM,
#10
Redeemed by popularity
Posts: 3,173
Threads: 254
Joined: Apr 2016

Decently written. I appreciate the ample amount of scenic detail without the need to go over-board describing things that don't matter.

[Image: GAy6bGA.gif]
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