Rio Umeda raises an eyebrow as she hears the mumbling infront of her door, knowing who it should be since she was informed by the people working at the Shipyard. They were not happy to play message service for her but since she helped when an emergeny occured the mechanics respect her and seem to be more willing to help out. She leans back in her chair and simply waits for when the man infront of the door decides to enter. Pressure would make him run right now and something tells her that things won't be easy, if she really wants him to get better again. The mumbling stops and Captain Rascal enters her office.
"Kon'nichiwa Captain. I am glad you were able to get here so quickly. How have you been?" She raises from her chair and walks slowly to the captain, registrating his stressed body language and the nervous eyemovements. Still she takes his hand for a greeting and shows to the small corner she prepared for talks or meetings. This times the two comfy, cream-coloured armchairs and the table with cups on it will give the scene for James Rascals therapy. "I hope you like black tea, since I only have this here right now but I can also ask a nurse to bring coffee or something else. Have a seat please."
While he sits down and obviously can't relax right now, Rio removes the tealeaves from the teapot she prepared some minutes ago. Once the tea is finished the doctor takes the other chair and fills herself a cup, giving James some more time to calm down. "So Captain, tell me... What keeps you from relaxing right now? We won't touch topics you want to avoid for now and we will only talk about them when you wish to do so. Just say what is on your mind." She leans back with a small smile and the filled cup in her hands, giving him some more space and a clear sign of relaxation and calmness.
James sits down and tries to relax a bit, but can hardly hide that he is nervous and really anxious about talking to someone else than himself. He always tried to avoid going into details about his thoughts and his past.
"Tea is fine, thank you. Heard it helps to calm down..."
He leans back and rubs his head. After remaining silent for a minute of thinking and getting a hold of his thoughts, he leans forth with his elbows on the knees and closed hands.
"It's somehow unusual to speak to someone else than myself about what goes on in my mind... And relaxing is not what I'm best at... But I will try..."
He takes a deep breath.
"Actually, I was asking for help without really knowing what kind of help I need... It's as if what happened to me lately has triggered something I don't like, something I tried to bury deep inside the darkest corner of my mind... And it's really not helping..."
He looks up to Rio, awaiting some kind of answer or comment.
As she listens Rio takes a small sip of her tea. "Things which get burried but not solved might return when they get the chance and you don't pay attention. Even though they can change from becoming unloved thoughts or memories to yokais... demons which will haunt you. It won't be easy to get your soul and inner self into balance again."
She gives him some moments to think over what she said before she continues. "Captain I won't lie to you with telling you that it will be easy and done in no time. You will have to work hard, you might even suffer from flashbacks of the most horrifying moments in your life. I can listen, I can aid you when you need it, I can give you techniques to return to the here and now but I can not force you to work on it, and I can't ease the horror you might have to face again. The tools I think which might help you right now might sound strange but they can help you. If you are willing to use them."
She takes another sip, watching the man infront of her very attentive. Knowing how much it troubles him that he can't handle it alone anymore and he actually had to ask for help of a more or less stranger to him. Also realising that some of her ideas won't work because this pilot lives to fly his ship and keeping him from this again would destroy his soul once again, definietly this time. "For the beginning you should start to meditate everyday, it helps to calm the thoughts, sharpens your focus on things and might make it easier for you to decide which topic you would talk about with me. For now we will take it in your pace, as slow or fast as it may be. You should also think about starting with Yoga practice, it will help you to calm down as well, still I leave the decision for this one up to you."
"Demons... It sounds like one of those stories... But I guess you're right. Those memories and visions haunt me whenever I let my feeling go out of control... Which happens a lot more often than usual..."
A slight, sad smile is showing on his face.
"It's so strange that, even if I was helpless, powerless and still a child back then, today I get those dreams, visions, memories like there was something I should have done... Like I am guilty of...
He stops talking as he feels the need to get a hold of the surfacing anger and tears.
After having kept silent for a moment, he takes a deep breath and goes on.
"I don't know about yoga... Seems not really something for me... But I already tried to meditate somehow... Trying to sort out what bothers me, trying to somehow deal with it... And I can focus in combat... I just do as I'm told, do my work, and that's all good... But it's afterwards... After each and every fight, I get those headaches, followed up by the memories I had buried for so long...
But this moment I'm out there... Even if it's only for a short patrol... Every time I climb into my fighter, I become numb, deaf and blind to those memories and visions. Like nothing goes on in my head from the take off to the landing..."
He stops talking again, thinks for a short time about what he just said, then looks at Rio with a worried face.
"Is that... That I feel light and free, and without any pain only when I'm out there fighting... Is that a bad thing?"
"Why shoul that be a bad thing? Captain, it is a natural human reaction that, once you found a way to escape the heavy feelings past might cause for you, you will want to escape it as soon as you found a way to ease your suffering. When you fight you have to focus on what is going on in that instant moment, otherwise you might end up dead. In a... well alternative way of view you could say, if you fly you are meditating as well, hai? The only diffrence is that your focus lies not within your body but at your surroundings. Since there are ways of meditation which will lead to focus on what is going on around you as well we might be able to work with that." Dr Umeda looks him closely, keeping her voice soft and calming.
"Hai, you were a child and with that the things you were able to do were limited. Again it is natural that you feel troubled, that you might have not done enough, that it is your fault that your parents died. It is the complete opposite, I believe you were brave enough to safe the biggest treasure your parents had by then, and you are still cherishing it. Right now you might think diffrent, or that this is simply the soft-hearted talk of a woman or that this is not true. I am not asking you to accept my words in this moment. Just think a bit over them." She takes some sips of her tea, giving him the time and silence to think of her words.
