Serpentis feedback thread

[Serpentis]

So, I am slowly getting back into writing and it's all friggin new to me, after having written only plots for DND and other TRPGS, where writing hasn't been important. Here's the only really relevant story.


Lost to the Wind
A story tied to one of my oldest characters on the mod, an old SCRA character.

Here comes a list of characters and their appearances, they also show up the first time a character (that matters) is named (or near), the links are blue and bolden names, should be easy to see, but here is the list.

• Sergei
  
• Heinrich
  
• Karl
  
• Marlon
  
• Alice
  
• Jurgen
  
• Klaus
  
• Stein
  
• Morgan
  
• Julian
  
• Cassie O'clare
  
• Li Hana
  
• Richard Haine
  
• Lina
  

All of the OLD (ancient) stories are unimportant right now, I can link some if you want, but, they're honestly just too old.

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread

[Demonic]

I'm enjoying Lost in the Wind, keep it up!

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Links
Characters and feedback | Freelancer's Woes | MacRory's Irregulars

[Serpentis]

I'm enjoying Lost in the Wind, keep it up!

Aaw, thank you! Means a lot!

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread

[Demonic]

Got a rogue bbc tag in there buddy:

Spoiler

Sergei looked over at Karl, “That went really well.” to which Karl nodded, [color=#FF8000]“Yeah, nice change.”. Sergei chuckled and grinned, then steered the ship into the trade lane.

Another thing, sometimes you chain too many sentances separated by comma I'd say. It wouldn't hurt to separate them in smaller chunks.

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Links
Characters and feedback | Freelancer's Woes | MacRory's Irregulars

[Serpentis]

Fixed, and yeah, I noticed that too now, will work on it in the future, thank you for your feedback!

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread

[Fiorella de Marco]

I would suggest dividing longer texts into several paragraphs for better readability as a long, single block of text is harder to read and keep a track of its lines.

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Fiorella Arianna de Marco | As Dawn Mayflower
Feedback Thread

[Serpentis]

I personally found it easier when it's compressed, but yeah, I may go over and fix that! Thanks for the feedback!

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread

[Demonic]

yeah, paragraphs would also help. Large blocks of text are harder to read and may actively turn people off.

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Links
Characters and feedback | Freelancer's Woes | MacRory's Irregulars

[Serpentis]

Okay! I'll go separate things, thanks!

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread

[Serpentis]

Ok, did as good as I could I am no writer so was not sure exactly where to do a paragraph, but hope it's easier to read now!

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Abadan and the Arcadia | Sergei, The lost | Feedback Thread