Some feed back on the concepts ofthis story I'm setting up.

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

I'm confused... :confusion:

[quote='FreezaSama'][quote='Animepsyco']I'd say derivatives.

[quote="Frank]that's pretty good. excellent descriptive writing.

Freeze's dumb ass said he couldn't.[/quote]

Actually, it was more of a tl;dr thing.

I saw Asarian, skimmed it, realized it wasn't about hot blue Mass Effect babes, and was in turn disappointed.[/quote]


Asarian was actually supposed to be taken from one of the other names of the Egyptian god Osiris[/quote]

Amazingly thought-out, AP. It definitely needs some work with the grammar and spelling and some of the concepts need to be fleshed out a little more, but overall it is more promising than 99% of the stories out there. I was only planning to skim some of it and then tl;dr, but it hooked me. I especially liked how the caste system took the escalating mutations as a sign of religious strength. Tied alot of the chance occurrence in the story together and gave it a feel of true progression...like these were real events that could logically happen instead of just some fantasy bull****.

Keep it up, man. You've done well so far, I look forward to reading more.

[quote='visitorQ']Amazingly thought-out, AP. It definitely needs some work with the grammar and spelling and some of the concepts need to be fleshed out a little more,

Which concepts exactly?

but overall it is more promising than 99% of the stories out there. I was only planning to skim some of it and then tl;dr, but it hooked me. I especially liked how the caste system took the escalating mutations as a sign of religious strength.

I was thinking of imposing a few drawbacks/advantages of these changes.

1. Eyesight - A special and unique form of lighting will allow them to "see through" minor obstructions that would otherwise make objects behind them opaque to translucent look more like translucent to silhouette to almost color clear. This will apply to things such as smoke, steam, gases, not brick walls.

2. Adaptation - They have greater resistance to arrid and hot climate with massive sun exposure. However Much higher sensitivity to colder elements from tundra-like environments to consistent ingestion of cold food (like ice cream of ice water).

3. Reproduction - Half breed off spring of female Asarian parentage will have a 50-75% chance of inheriting one or more the their race's distinguished traits while those of male parentage will have only 25-50%.

Despite their traits resembling those of dominant genes, their version is quasi-recessive (basically the Red eyes chance of expression is equal or less dominant to brown eyes. Dark skin and and hair ranges are also subject to even the receive genes from the other parent and even the ones locked away inside their genetic codes from their ancestors. from 25-75% (Depending on the parentage though I might not limit the probability of gene expression by gender).

4. Racial stereotypes/Behavior - During the years of puberty, they will experience episodes of intense (near) unprovoked tantrums. (undecided whether this will be a fact, myth or both)

Tied alot of the chance occurrence in the story together and gave it a feel of true progression...like these were real events that could logically happen instead of just some fantasy bull****.

I'm a complete retard can you explain a little more and how specifically.

Keep it up, man. You've done well so far, I look forward to reading more.

I'm having difficulty as to where to start. Should I just **** around. Should I hit with a list of character profiles and how deep they run into it the plot or what? I don't wanna focus too hard on the charactera as to were I'm stuck or lose interest in the main devices. But I also don't want the make the overarching story or plot device to be so great I lose the personal plots and motives making the only thing that's keeping things in motion (appear as) a giant war, conspiracy, rescue mission, or quest to save/avenge/impress a town/the world that doesn't even like you.[/quote]

Which concepts exactly?

Seemed a little too rushed on the development of society outside of the Kay'an culture. Prejudice obviously still exists in your world, but what else exists? What other negative human traits from Earth survived the journey? Are the Kay'an people reawakening the prejudice, or are they just the new focus for all of these other cultures, like the Britainians? That kind of stuff.

I'm having difficulty as to where to start. Should I just **** around. Should I hit with a list of character profiles and how deep they run into it the plot or what? I don't wanna focus too hard on the charactera as to were I'm stuck or lose interest in the main devices. But I also don't want the make the overarching story or plot device to be so great I lose the personal plots and motives making the only thing that's keeping things in motion (appear as) I giant war, conspiracy, rescue mission, or quest to save/avenge/impress a town/the world that doesn't even like you.

I'm not to sure where you should go with it. Like I said, as the basis for a story, what you already have is solid. I could see you creating a protagonist amidst that background. Then again, there are a few things that you might do well to expound upon, some of which I've listed above. As the author, its all up to you, but I found the most interesting parts of the story to revolve around the social implications of reintroducing one culture to others it had known before it took a transformative journey. Its sort of like the story of Moses, only on a much larger scale.[/quote]

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

Which concepts exactly?

Seemed a little too rushed on the development of society outside of the Kay'an culture. Prejudice obviously still exists in your world, but what else exists? What other negative human traits from Earth survived the journey? Are the Kay'an people reawakening the prejudice, or are they just the new focus for all of these other cultures, like the Britainians? That kind of stuff.

Good question, just how greatly did the past transgressions affect the way the Asarians and all the other colonies perception of one another? What exactly is earth to them now? A bad memory? A painful reminder? Is it even tangible?

I'm a complete retard can you explain a little more and how specifically.

Something random, like landing on the wrong planet and getting poisoned by radiation, became a jumping off point for religious zealotry and it seems like the story will evolve it further into an all out war or terrorism at least.

I'm considering making the part of the reason their voyage was even possible was the fact that their group was being use as a mean to transfer resource from great ranges to the other colonies. Rather than a group equal to others, a sub servant band of misfits, no different from a colony that were merely strung along for their desperation rather than a great belief they would find true independence. That may make a good means for distrusting the others.

I can follow that logic as you present it. You talk about the mutations blinding people and disfiguring them, as would be expected of radiation poisoning. Even in the post I'm quoting from, you talk about how their enhanced abilities that are derived from the radiation are very minor (able to see through smoke, not walls, etc). In other words, you treat the subject with respect and don't use it like some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle "ooze" that is all benefit and no downside. Reminds me of how Mass Effect treated the subject of Bionics. Most kids died outright, others went crazy trying to control their powers, and only a select few could truly harness anything good out of the effects of Element Zero poisoning. Like I said, its logical that something like that would lead to more tragedy than superpowers.

I don't know why but I always felt that in order to truly expose a character you need to show them at their greatest and their weakest. Not only manifest in their physical abilities but also their own moral structure and the moral structure of their local societies. Let them question their triumphant acts while others only see object truths. Allow their optimism and pessimism to fluctuate aggressively at times. It's like Red dead redemption has been so far, the guy's modesty and direct criticism is what makes stand out. Not just in matters that appeal to his plight but also in he most trivial of things. Greatest example can be the stranger tasks and how they seem to compliment the "Dying west" allowing the player to recognize the authentic conflict within the scenery.

So yeah, the undying human fear of things that are different, the need for a divine explanation of a chance occurance (the mutations), this divine explanation leading people to think they are "chosen", this leading to zealotry, the zealotry leading to possible war....hell man, all of that just flows beautifully.

These were inspired by concepts like Aryan-ism, Adam and Eve, and hell Even Trigun (Vash and Knives). Speaking of which the introduction of the whole populace in question would actually be prompt by a rather uncomfortable reunion of two or more scouts,(although, that would require me to escalate the mutation rate and stability of certain people over others) that discover the first planet and their new found look...

I'm having difficulty as to where to start. Should I just **** around. Should I hit with a list of character profiles and how deep they run into it the plot or what? I don't wanna focus too hard on the charactera as to were I'm stuck or lose interest in the main devices. But I also don't want the make the overarching story or plot device to be so great I lose the personal plots and motives making the only thing that's keeping things in motion (appear as) I giant war, conspiracy, rescue mission, or quest to save/avenge/impress a town/the world that doesn't even like you.

I'm not to sure where you should go with it. Like I said, as the basis for a story, what you already have is solid. I could see you creating a protagonist amidst that background.

---

Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

Miles ahead of you. Lenox Casper Will be his name a full blooded, first Osiris class Asarian. Adopted under pressing circumstances which are as following"

His mother, a peasant girl turned activist/terrorist, eventually fled to become a Qurytan Ziryha. After being accompanied by two second Osiris class soldiers as well as her elder sister and younger sister. Some years had past and she had two children with the soldier she met Lenox and his older sister.

Soon after the younger sibling, angry, confused, and alone, slowly befriends the other soldier that accompanied them has inadvertently made the ideal blind spot for a manipulative and ambitious ambassador for the Empire. He states subtly that unless certain measure are made her, her love, her family, and her desire to build her own family will not suffice unless other elements are removed. Elements such as key persons, technology, and wisdom responsible the enormous power the Ziryha have and influence the Qurytans posses as a nomadic herd of explorers. This in turn leads to the downfall of many of the Qurytan fleets, and effectively strangle any positive influence the Qurytans had towards the Empire's future enemies. The younger siblings actions also lead to the rape and murder of the older sister. Lenox's mother confronts her sister with this revelation only to be blindly rebutted and then beaten nearly to death before subduing and leaving her crazed loved one to die (presumably).

Fleeing the the Empire's navy, she, her lover, and two children escape to the uninvolved states to hide out in peace. Along the way, her lover and daughter become separated from the continuing invasion. eventually making her way into her son's future stepfather's ship. Where was eventually crippled by persistent Imperial stowaways which forced the ship and her into such extreme circumstances, she had to nearly kill herself to keep them at bay. When the authorities came to assist the distressed vessel in question, they came with a very cold and confidential purpose. Which was to take Lenox and his mother's body to be questioned and examined. Instead the agents where informed it be best to leave the child in the hands of the captain and the supposed fate of Lenox's mother was kept from him. (I'm clouding this up purposely for a possible reconciliation of epic proportions.)

Back to Lenox, I'm too much of a lazy **** so I'll coply/paste an older post from years before which is really ****ed with.

Major Zero=Lenox Casper

The essential story is she's an officer from a long line of proud military history. Her country along with others similar to ones today (RL wise) are at war with another country with people of Arab/African descent. these people use ideals and past dealings with other civilizations and races (like slavery and white devil concepts in order to dehumanize other ethnic groups and break down the sympathy the people of that nation have regarding starting a massive war with them) as propaganda to rally the government, military and population into a war of justice and claim the rightful dominance of the X nation (name pending). Due to both their population/economy and the vast amount of raw materials they have at their possession as well is their acquired ability to hunt so precisely within a nebula (which 40% of their home system is covered by and borders much like how the GMG was able to out smart the RM in the eighty) they were able to effectively hound and wear down the borders of other nations for years.

Somewhere else in another country allied to the char in question a Major Zero (acronym ofor his real name) is an adopted son of a famous Navy captain, he, frustrated with his boring life joins the navy. After several months of basic fight training he is assigned escort duties for 5 new experimental bipedal tanks (Xenopeds) Around the same time the X nation has agreed to sign a cease fire to end their bloody war with the other nations. However this is just a setup, thus necessitating the creation (or should I say reverse engineering is the case of these experimental of the Xenopeds). At the same time in the confusion Felyse on a patrol with her squadron his ambushed by several wings of attack fighters her fighter squadron with full intent of sacrificing themselves allow her to retreat to a nearby communications base she lands to make vital repairs and have the base crew relay a message to the nearest command installation. However almost seconds after she makes her landing a detachment from the X nation's bomber squadron manages take down most of the station's primary systems and compartments and killing almost everyone onboard.

Major Zero after having to land his fighter due to engine trouble lands back on the transport ship of the Xenopeds at that time his step-brother is as usual interrogating him in matters regarding his personal life and his plans for the future (future family, wife, kids, etc.) during which the ship alarms go off notifying the distress that a nearby comm station is in (the same one our heroine is on). The captain coldly ignores it and attempts to remain on course. Major Zero still young and confused about the duties of a soldier and more importantly, a man futility argues with the transport captain. After realizing there's no time to argue nor any point he rushes into the hangar to find an appropriate ship (seeing as his own was damaged to use to help rescue any survivors. There he discovers one of the 5 secret projects a black and yellow bipedal tank with two twin laser cannons mounted on it's back and laserblades on each arm. Painted on it's lower left leg is it's codename the "Black Sun". Ignoring the dammings from the transport captain Zero launches the machine and heads for the base at full speed.

Felyse also making an attemp to help any survivors still on board. She enters a room reserved for refugees and to her horror discovers the smoldering remians of a mother and infant. She colapses and throws up in disgust, disorented and shocked by her discovery (she's still a novice in many respects namely on the psychological level). she hurries back to the docking bay to escape but is thrown back by a subsystem explosion which colapses the ceiling crushing her shipp in the process tightly gripping the back of her head in pain she loses conscienceness. After finding a stable docking port he lands and begins to seach on foot for any survivors. Eventually he finds Felyse in another hangar just meters away from a light fighter crushed by rubble. Noting that had she been a bit hastier he would have needed a spatula to get her from out of that place. With an awkwardly admiring stare he reached down to grab her helpless body when her eyes opened to catch a glimpse of the man that saved her. Rushing back into the Xenoped he blasted his way out from the station into the vacuum where his step brother and fellow comrades were waiting with both pessimism and anticipation. While being scolded for his disobedience another fighter/bomber patrol jumps in to finish all remaining vessels in the area. His brother tells him to retreat to another sector to avoid being captured or scanned (his vessel is very top secret they wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands;)) reluctantly pulling away from the battlescene he looks from his rear monitor the bloody fight taking place.....

After successfully making it to an allied control nav point enforced by several cruisers and a battleship (Felyse's home base). In the confusion and of fighting off several fighter wings and attack vessel's the battlegroup completely unaware of both the existence of both a Xenoped of that caliber and it's standings begin to open fire on Major Zero, dealing relatively mild damage due to the advanced armor and shield systems. In an attempt to stop the onslaught he opens a comm. channel with the ship's captain to no avail, as that only entices the ship crews to continue their assault. (our hero is very similar to the enemy soldiers in terms of appearance dark skin, red eyes (an adaptation the people of the X nation underwent which actually makes the more distinguished from the regular non-X nation blacks and Arabs that are found in other settlements and back on earth) The shooting only comes to an end when the captain recognizes the woman lying in Zero's lap of which had saved earlier, his daughter. It's too late as the Major is knocked unconscience by the impacting shots.

The Felyse V Schneider chick still exist that but with a new name.

Then again, there are a few things that you might do well to expound upon, some of which I've listed above. As the author, its all up to you, but I found the most interesting parts of the story to revolve around the social implications of reintroducing one culture to others it had known before it took a transformative journey. Its sort of like the story of Moses, only on a much larger scale.

I can tell you this much. Which ever fame and love he acquire from his family and love interest, will be dashed and divided, through either manipulation, blackmail, or personal ineptitude. He'll end up somewhat like solid snake. 20 later a cool individual, constantly troubled by his past actions on top of how the events of his life made him see himself now as a natural murderer rather than a trained killer. Consistently haunted by situational metaphors which remind him of all the things he was "too weak" to do when he was younger. However can he make amends for his past?

P.S. worse synopsis ever I know CBF took me over, that and Madagascar 2.

---

Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

[quote='Animepsyco']I'm gonna give you something on the empire's "leader", Empress Zuna of the Asarian Empire AKA Osiris Imperium.

After the death of her father, the title of Empress shifted to Zuna about 5 years after the start of the war when she was only 10. At current she is 15 years old and the dominating power in the nation. She even possess more power than her father due to inheritance being matrilineal and the gynocentric influences in it's infancy. While she was the true ruler of their society, Adilah's parent-like influence over her ensured that her youth wouldn't be a sign of weakness or complacency for the nation. Allowing the war to continue long after her father's death without consideration for peace. Despite Adilah being more than capable of maintaining leadership, Zuna's bloodline was essential for keeping the 14 provinces united with one another. To Adilah, her blood was as dirty as anyone not an Asarian, however it was the glue and paste that kept the whole country from plunging into civil war or splinter away from the war.

Her primary thoughts are the stresses of maintaining the appearance of an icon of hope for the people while simultaneously forwarding the bloodshed on the battlefront. Zuna is a girted spokeswoman and a very competent persuader, often never having to resort to force other than raising her voice. Though she is merely a competent politician. Her prodigy shows not just in the arrangement of political priorities but mostly in the presentation of them. One the outside she extrudes to her company a supreme level of composure and high expectations. Swift and menacingly calm when eliminating obstacles of various forms. To her subordinates and those who work closely with her she appears both direct and cold, passive yet villainous, and somewhat aggressive. Bearing no tolerance to those who take her or her authority lightly.

Zuna is, at heart, a confused and feeble girl. Having little time for social interactions. She is lonely and irritable. Often lacking energy except when giving direction or defending her posture from critique. She possess little interest in things outside of her duties as Empress. Often carrying a saddened or broken posture when not observed, she has much unrest in her heart about the social caste system that was implemented by her father and his advisers and the succeeding war. But is too cowardly to accept the burden of leadership and thus relies too heavily on Adilah's awareness despite her suspicion of Adilah and her father's ideals. Unfortunately this takes a toll on her health while present on the Osiris flagship during it's assault and capture of the Chelsea planetary settlement of the Brittainians nation. Gagging and nearly collapsing at the site of war, yet her young heart is forced to abolish all compassion and guilt in order to protect her people from themselves and now, their new enemies. Despite her reliance on Adilah, her greatest fear is probably Adilah herself. Greatly ambitious and in many ways, superior to her.

I'll make changes and edits later I'm **** tired.

She first encounters Lenox and Katarine when they're are left with no choice but to fight off the full force of the Osiris and it's fleet after the invasion of Chelsea (Which the Legionnaire was stationed on.) After diverting smaller forces away from the battle, hides away the "Black Zero" (unofficial name for his mecha) and then makes his way onto a returning vessel that lands on the Osiris. Katarine is meanwhile securing the rest of the groups escape several miles away. After stealing a uniform belonging to the empire, he makes his way through the ship, rejoining briefly knowing this is the first time in a long time his bloodline wasn't a burden. Eventually he sneaks all the way to the Empress' chambers, there he witnesses a brief argument between Adilah and Zuna.

After which, Zuna then discovers Lenox hiding away. She demands to know what business has has there, not realizing what side he is on. In an attempt to calm her down, he draws closer, telling her to "shush". Insulted, Zuna becomes even more aggressive until finally Lenox grabs her and tries to quiet her down by force. They scuffle until her personal guards of the empress bust in and realize the situation. Using Zuna as a hostage, he manages to escape. They reach the secondary bridge before meeting Colonel Togo, one of the field commanders for the ground forces Combing Chelsea. A brief conversation is followed by Lenox being subdued by one of the Colonel's men. Before being personally executed by Togo, Zuna steps in and asks for him only to be detained for questioning. As the carry him away, Togo listens in on his ear piece and then quietly walks behind Empress Zuna and raises his sidearm to the back of her head. Giving solid and threaten eye contact to those in view of him and Zuna. Just before he pulls the trigger, Lenox screams to warn her of the attempt on her life. Just as Zuna spins around the floor below Togo collapses, causing him to fire his weapon and hit Zuna in the Shoulder instead. The lower half of the room continues to shatter as a large silver fist plows into wall. Katarine's mecha along with the "Perceptual Response Unit" activated Black Zero begin a surprise assault on the Osiris. In the confusion, Lenox pulls an injured Zuna into his Mecha. As they fly away Katarine states, she couldn't wait any longer. Seeing Zuna in Lenox's arms she jealously begins questioning him about who she is.

5:00 am here guys I'll continue.

When returns to the Legionnaire, Zuna is detained and loosely questioned by the captain with both Lenox, Katarine, and a few others in the room. Her racist teachings became apparent as well as her confusion in where Lenox stands in all of this. Katarine leans towards her while speaking a few words directed at the captain, resulting in a smack from Zuna, followed by a toss across the room by Kararine, and a headlock from Lenox on Katarine to restrain her. The conflict within Zuna about her very own teachings were apparent for an experienced individual like the captain. With that, he asked Lenox to take Katarine back to her room. Almost having to fight her into the hallway as she spouted out countless profanities in German (Yes her people descend from that region.) Asking in a clam voice, he spoke to her as if her were a humble fan of hers. He even leaned over to adjust her bandages from the incident earlier. With this she became more cooperative, calm, and respectful, even changing her posture to show appreciation to her captor's courtesy. He then asked if all Asarians were charmingly clever as her. She turned away blushing slightly. "I think you want more than this" the captain said as he made his way to the door. She begins to wonder what exactly "more" meant.

As time moves on Zuna finds herself drawn to Lenox, much to Katarine's dismay, this puts strain on their relationship. Zuna's question about his life with the others unlike them makes her (reluctantly) change her way of viewing the other races. However, as with Lenox she is faced with bigotry and rejection. Though not being exposed is the "empress" and "leader" of their great enemy (outside of the ship), she finds it very difficult to cope with all the atrocities that her father and people have been committing through the course of this war, with the ethnic cleansing of all non Asarians, and reprogramming of all the Asarians who left the empire in infancy (with the adults being labeled traitors and detained executed.) This becoming a common vantage point Katarine takes against her. Unfortunately she doesn't realize the distasteful vibe it gives Lenox, This happened to be just one more thing that Lenox has had far too much experience with himself, causing Lenox to shift even further away from her. Zuna's continued interference eventually leads to a face to face argument, that erupts into a fist fight that results in Katarine quite badly beating Zuna. Leaning in Zuna's favor, Lenox, remembering her attitude towards him after her father's death. Begins to wonder if this is what may happen if Katarine should "get tired of him." Lenox had no idea what to think of Katarine, she stood by him when everyone else treated him like the "red-eyed black sheep of the family", but in the end she was just as brutal to Zuna as all his adversaries were to him over the years. Not only that, she used the fact that Zuna was both an Asarian and the current war with them as an excuse to justify her actions. In short, he began to think that Katarine, his savior from social peril, was only holding onto him because of her undoubted attraction to him. But did she respect his heritage?

Kinda melding Story synopsizes to the characters they correlate to. Any ways tell me, as always if there may be a way to capitalize any any character developments or any cliche's that unnecessary.

Ok I did a quick read-through and you do good,character development is good and story is fine,but if I wrote it it would be a bit different as your style is more...I guess more like a game manual then anything,not bad if it's how you write since you can do it.

Here,if it's aright,I re-wrote a section just to show how I would word it/write it:

"Desperation:

As time went on the fleet found itself far off course and drifting past several large gas clouds,magnetic storms,and finally a huge barrier known by some at that time as the golden Beast (it takes the form of a cat or,perhaps,tiger-like appearance when seen from the earth) the crew found itself utterly unable to navigate back home or even their original intended course and the only option at that point was to hold on to the present heading and hope they would find some safe haven before time ran out,before the fighting began again,before the food ran out,or before the engines failed...

There they found themselves swallowed up in the beast-like nebula, with only the vain hope that behind this cosmic behemoth there was a land that would bring them the sustenance they had once taken for granted so long ago. Another five years had passed since they first found themselves lost and with little to no direction. It became more and more common to find one's mother or father hanging from the ceiling, a metaphor for the hope that had been so violently suffocated throughout the fleet. But despite these large casualties, the people in this group were still very numerous, what's more is that they've still allowed themselves to get out of bed in the morning, and this was all that was needed to assure their future...this,of course,was all that they could do."

Now that's just me and how I write,but I did read that trying to vary words and not repeating or using something that sound similar is a good idea,you don't do that but I'm a bit more...descriptive the way I write.

Again that's me and maybe not you,but you asked for an honest assessment and that's mine.

I'll re-read it again in a bit,but I do like what you're doing :thumbs up:

Once again guys I know it's muddle and I quoted others from a forum to give better context. But please if you can find it in your time to comment, specifically on some of the mojor comments.

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

I'm considering this character, Anton Von Wulfram into the fray, though I'm unsure whether he may be a minor or major character (or possibly in between).

He's partially inspired by Sesshomaru's haughtiness and androgynous appearance from Inuyasha.

Anton Von Wulfram is the older brother of Katarine Von Wulfram. Born two years before Katarine. Like his sister he is both highly respected and well known for his linage. However, unlike is sister, he is somewhat feared by those directly below him. Often pejoratively called "Astor" rather than his real name by others in his absence due to his personality being very ambitious and slightly predator-like. He, like Katarine, shares great interest in family affairs, but unlike Katarine, his interest lean towards the professions on his mother's side, such as the mineral and natural resource economy, and, more precisely, the political maneuvering often involved.

Anton could be considered a cross between Empress Zuna and Katarine (read above to understand the comparisons). Like his sister, he is generally benign, calm and collective, often seeing petty attacks directed at his character not to be worth his time. However, like Zuna, when a threat does reveal itself, given the situation, Anton will react to it with swift and merciless action. He speaks and acts in a subtle manner, almost never raising his voice and showing only slight dissatisfaction to even some of the most infuriating insults.

Despite being male, Anton is very similar in appearance to his younger sister. He has long green hair in roughly the same style as hers, green eyes, pale white skin, and a very slim build, almost slimmer than Katarine's due to her activity in the military, unlike himself. When they were younger, he would often be confused with Katarine, even to the extent he was believed to be a younger sister of Katarine. He is very annoyed by this common error. Despite his seemingly relaxed reaction to most annoyances, he shows little remorse for those who insult him for his androgyny.

Despite Katarine's somewhat superior shape, Anton however, is still quite able to defend himself from physical attacks, including her's. When he first encounters Lenox, he is mistaken for Katarine, showing mild discomfort, he then introduces himself as Katarine's elder brother. However, as he begins to introduces himself to Lenox's family, friends, and associates, their reaction to his feminine qualities become apparent. Some mistake him for the "little sister" of Katarine, while Lenox's step father jokingly comments on him now having two beautiful "girlfriends". Later on Anton meets up with Lenox and confronts him on the issue. However Lenox misreads his passive-aggressive stance and tries to calm him by first apologizing for their behavior and then jokingly agreeing with everyone's initial thought, infuriating Anton. With this, he says in a quiet but demanding voice: "you will respect my manhood....even if I have to separate you from yours." He then reaches inside his coat to reveal a short staff with a black spade at the end, which extents to reveal it's nature as a spear. He quickly demonstrates his skill with this weapons before charging Lenox. After mostly evading Anton's attacks, Lenox is finally cornered and pinned to the ground. Katarine then intervenes, resulting in a brief skirmish, ending with Anton saying "you may be the second to follow father, but you hardly deserve the Wulfram". He then leaves an exhausted and somewhat shaken Katarine with little sign of fatigue.

Anton's attitude towards Lenox rest in between his younger sister and his father's. He isn't outwardly kind to Lenox, however, he bears no hostility towards him as his father Rudolf despite his origin. He does however insist on calling him "Moritz" rather than Lenox because of his dark skin. Despite nearly killing him earlier, Anton provides him with helpful information about Katarine, their father, Zuna, and the Empire as a whole, allowing him work and act more appropriately in their presence. He does so with Zuna to a greater extent. While initially intimidated by Anton, he realizes her insecurities and helps her past them. She and he can often be found discussing high intellect topics regarding politics or societal issues.

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper

[Colonel Z.e.r.o.]

Ok guys I've figured that in order to make the Empire's superiority in the war more plausible I have to create some back story as to why it is that way, both current and previous events. Since it is an Empire it would be logical if it conquered other nations in the past right? And in doing that it might have had a reason. Perhaps a need for resources from other regions or or a feud of sorts between reigning parties? Lets also say that the dates and time skips that I gave you were for the sake avoiding the use of applied Phlebotinum expanded and the initial find of a habitable world was actually several, that and they've found ways to colonize less practical areas, such as asteroid fields, nebulas, and even the massive barrier that nearly destroyed the ones before them.

Well here's one:

After the successful blasting off of their hellish haven the Asarian progenitors (I don't feel like using the word Kay'an anymore) spent quite a while on, the fleets began to fragment spinning off to new nearby worlds and even deep space (some in system, some a little further out). They're were initially about 80 colony ships as well as several dozen other vessels at the time of the discovery of the now quarantined world which had carried anywhere from several hundred to several thousand passengers and crew. By the time they'd escaped that ordeal these numbers had increased, and despite the initial loss of life they had at least 10% added to their total population. While the majority of the fleets fled to their most promising discovery, now named planet Asari, this was merely a pit stop for several others.

As time went on and the requirements for local space travel became common even amongst regular men, the number of settlements and governments to bind and organize them had grown as well. In fact the age of piracy took to this region as it took to the seas during ancient earth given the lack of security and potential profit. Unfortunately struggle and civil wars became just as common within this very loosely tied population. With the struggle over resources, population, and power, the Asarians were far from uniting as a whole much less, an Empire. This went on for another century. Causing the restless population to search even further beyond the barrier which closed them off from all others. Leading to other prosperous world and even more bountiful resources. Eventually the majority of the Asarians were then absorbed into one of the fourteen warring states. Over the next few years these "pieces" firmly held they're respective ground, be it on world, hidden within the many nebulas, slung along asteroid colonies, or in the deepest, blackest pits of space.

"Fourteen." The fourteen, that would give rise to the mightiest of nations, the fourteen that would breed the mightiest of warriors, the fourteen that would be bound and melded together by the blood of only the greatest of rulers/god-queens.

Eh, sorry I was watching 300 while writing this. Either way to wrap this up.

The long running feud between the fourteen was, at best, a means to their children's power much like the bonding of steel, the people and all their acquired resources and wealth would have never been had they not been made to endure the scolding heat of war, drought, desperation and division. As time went on, the people of Asari slowly but surely united themselves. For they knew the survival of their young race could only be achieved through a perfect unity of the other thirteen. It was quite obvious to see that while the Asarian and their descendants had great numbers and great resource, they had an even greater divide. The planet Asari had limitless food, and comfort, but others had not. Another powerful member of the fourteen was the Aset, a nation mostly limited to the many moons of a nearby gas giant. While some were even habitable, they lacked any significant food source for the population to increase. They did have a great amount of natural resources and metals. But ultimately alone or even in pairs they were stagnant and weak.

The only people who saw this fatal flaw and were even capable of tending to it were those of Asari. Through this revelation massive battles of both diplomacy and force, pen ans bullet, ensnared this divided bunch. One by one, the fourteen became, thirteen, then twelve, then ten. Slowly but surely unity was being forged from within chaos and calamity. Out of the many who fought and died for this cause there was one woman called Kali. A spirited young girl who through any means inspired those around her to unite for a better future. She had a companion (name/story pending), a champion of sorts. Felt not bound by her or people's desire for unity at any costs, but by his own life debt to her. A skilled cunning young man, and a bright, compassionate idealist of a woman, and a people in desperate need of unification.

Note: this may be one of the few short prequels to the main war story explained much earlier. Playing "Just Cause 2" has somehow given me the idea of an interesting revolutionary plot. In similar stance to a GTA (Such as gathering resources and allies after being pitted against the odds of the said location.)

Anyway, to make a long story short, the consistent battles of diplomacy, violence, and desperation eventually led to the the fourteen uniting into a whole now known as the "Empire of Asari". Ruled as an empire would be only with one major difference: That being supreme power over it was in the hands of an Empress instead of a typical Emperor, and this authority was passed from mother to daughter instead. Of course should an Empress meet an untimely death authority could be passed on to her husband and son if she had no daughters, but females generally get first dibs on it. Their society is quite lenient with women taking on more male specific roles, such as the military. Although their more often found performing roles that are slightly less laborious, such as their air/space force, and navy. Because of the increased involvement in the armed forces, the sheer number of female ranking officers, Generals, and captains are are nearly equal to their male counterparts. Giving the empire a severe advantage in their military's size and strength also complemented by the significantly larger population due to the size and number of settler ships when they first set from earth.

Another major portion of their defense and offense is the utilization of the nebula that encloses the majority of Asari's territories. A black and yellow tinted nebula resembling a hurricane littered with several cosmic wonders and dangers from magnetic storms, volatile gas pockets, debris, asteroids, and other impediments. Another unique attribute to this barrier is a substance, found through most of the cloud that impedes light and effectively makes those who are dependent on it (all humans) completely obscured. Even technology such as thermal sensors, x-ray, and other visionary amplifiers are hardly useful. The only effective visual amplifier is a very specific frequency of orange tinted light which only has positive results when combined with red eyes (those of Asarian blood). Throughout the years the empire discovered safe routes through the clouds with or without this new found technology. However at the start of the war the majority of vessels were equipped with these specialized devices to compliment swift movement towards enemy lines without using long time consuming routes. The navy also learned of how to artificially reproduce the cloud's appearance and obscuring nature, allowing them to harbor small strike groups and even fleets unnoticed. This was also used to tilt the odds in their favor by employing their natural advantages in simple skirmishes.

Finally, amongst all the resources their initial division had led them too they also uncovered many metals alloys superior to standard materials. This allowed for modules, weapons, and ammunition that would be entirely unfeasible to be built. Structures that would collapse under their own weight or mechanisms that would shatter when deployed were easily forged. Adding a new a level arsenal to use in their struggle. With the advance against their homeworld greatly discouraged, portability of their ancestral advantages and a navy superior in size and craftsmanship, the empire quickly destabilized their primary targets and put a severe grip and anxiety over their onlookers.

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Nathan's Log || The "Real Story" of Lenox Casper