Emily looked at the pictures, and then back and doc, she lightly smiled and nodded lightly.
"She's so beautiful" she said softly, trying to turn her thought back onto her own deceased daughter. She moved a piece of her hair behind her ear, whilst holding the baby with the other arm.
Slowly, Emily's thoughts went back to the face she supposedly saw. With the face came a new flush of thoughts, and memories. Her mother, her childhood friends, how much she loved her life before the family split in two. The life which Emily so much wanted back, and through time she had forgotten, came rushing back into her brain, this time her wishes being tripled by the past. Emily dealt with situations such as the present one mainly because of the past she had.
Emily looked up to Doc, and then down again.
"Do you mind ?" Emily said softly? John looked up at her. "I don't think I can afford starting to cry again." she continued
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He just gently nodded and without saying a word, leaned over and gently took the child in his own hands, eventually cradling her in his left arm. He looked upon her and forced a weak smile, "en pace requiescat, infans Katie." Then, over his com link, he called the nurse in.
"I will be back in a few minutes," he said to the nurse, "stay with Emily."
"Yes, Doctor," she answered.
He took the child to an office where some members of the medical staff were. They knew what had happened and said nothing. They could only watch as he walked in cradling the deceased child. One nurse placed a hand on his shoulder. They knew each other well and were on a first name basis. "John, you know I've been where Emily is. I took the liberty to prepare a special casket for her," she explained as she took him to it.
He remembered the pain she had went through herself a couple of years before hand, herself losing a child to a tragic accident. He just nodded, "Yes, Connie, you do know."
She had made up a casket into a small bed for the child. She was laid in several blanket with her head on a small pillow. About her head, a ribbon was tied with a bow at the side. It looked as if she was sleeping. Beside her was a small teddy bear. Doc found himself smiling weakly, "It is beautiful, Connie. I only hope that Emily can stand to see it for herself. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to return and see about arrangements with her."
And so he did.
Coming back to Emily's room, he excused the nurse. "I want you to know that Katie is being well taken care of." He sat down beside her and took her hand, "Now, I know this isn't what you want to think about but I will arrange proper burial if you wish, wherever you wish. As she was born on a Zoner facility, she is considered one of us and can be buried at the Zoner cemetery at Gran Canaria if you like or I will help you with arrangements elsewhere." He then patted her arm, "Don't answer now. Just think about it."
"As for you," he continued, "I'm not releasing you until tomorrow at least, depending how you feel. But, I don't want you to sit alone with your thoughts. I have a nurse who has been in your shoes. If you wish, she can keep you company. She would be honored."
He just sat, trying to be a good friend at this point.
Emily sat their quietly for a moment and then looked at doc.
"OK" she said softly, clearing her throat afterwards. "Thank you"
Her thoughts were all over the place, how was she going to tell Keith? after all, Emily only contacted him only because she felt he had to know. So, what now ? If it wasn't for Kate, she would never have met Keith again. Was her relationship dependent on this child ? A child which was no more? Emily began to panic, preparing herself for this day, and yet not being prepared for the worst..
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A middle aged nurse arrived, probably in her late 30's to early 40's. Doc just gave her a nod, "Connie, I will leave you two to your peace. The door slid shut behind him while the nurse just stood in front of it with a weak smile, her hands together at her beltline.
"Hi," she said softly, "I am Connie Murphy. Just call me Connie." She then stepped forward and sat next to Emily. She gently shook her head. Her words were softly spoken through her weak smile as her own eyes welled up a bit. She took Emily's hand in both of hers, clutching it tightly.
"Emily, I am so sorry," she said, "so very sorry," her last words barely audible.
Tears began to fall, "I understand how you feel. I too lost an infant child." She began to nod, "Yes, I do know the feeling. It's a feeling that never goes away, a feeling that never stops hurting nor do you truly get passed it. You only learn to cope with it and deal with it. But always remember, what happened wasn't your fault."
She then sat back just a little. With one hand, she removed a locket from under her shirt and opened it. Inside was a picture of a baby. She held it for Emily to see, "His name was Stephen Michael Porter. He died of crib death at about a month old. That was 10 years ago now. By the time it was discovered, it was too late. I blamed myself. My ex-husband couldn't take it and I never heard from him again. It was that day that I decided to take the experience and try to help women in that same situation. That is why John came for me."
She then put the locket away and place her free hand back on Emily's arm, "Only someone who has been through this can fully understand it. I won't say that I know how it feels because I don't. While most of what I went through and what you are going through have much in common, there are differences."
She sat back a bit, her hands still clutching the one of Emily. She managed a weak smile again, "at least let me be your friend."
'Friends' Emily thought. She had so many in her previous life, so many friendly people to come and talk to, so many shoulders trust worthy to cry, Emily only wondered how she managed to become the person she was today. Liberty, Emily grew up living in it, taking each day without thinking about her future, nor her past, but now'a'days she didn't see Libety as a home, but as a prison holding all of Emliy's nightmares, and she was the one in the middle rapped in chains.
Emily clenched Connies' hand tightly, looking into her eyes knowing she felt what she had, even though only half of her actually believed it.
"Thank you" Emily said softly, still looking into Connies eyes, she took her eyes from Connie's and looked away taking a little breathe and she did so. Though Emily didn't want to ask personal questions about Connies personal life, her emotions and thoughts weren't stable to say at least.
"Was your ex-husband a good man ?" She asked, facing Connie again.
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Connie softly nodded with a smile, "He was. He just couldn't take losing his son. He tried to deal with it but couldn't. One morning, I woke up and he was gone. That was the last time I saw him or even heard from him."
"As I said," she continued, "you learn to live with it. While I never married again, I did have a daughter a few years later. She is 5 now. I wasn't ready to marry her father but I think soon we might. He too is a good man and has been very supportive of what happened with Stephen. I would give him another child but not until we are married....whenever that may be."
She clutched Emily's hand again, "there is good after all of this. I promise."
Emily looked at Connie with her deep brown eyes, still holding tight of her hand.
"Tell me" She paused, thinking about the words to follow.
"How do you find such strenth to put up with a man which is hardly around, and swarn to secrecy? While at any day, of any hour, you could get a call from someone you never met, telling you that your life love has 'gone to a better place' ?" Emily asked, with a slight tone of anger.
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Connie sensed her anger. She just smile a bit, "You don't find the strength, My Dear, somehow, the strength finds you. I can't explain how but it just does. I think that immersing myself in my work was a big help. When John Holliday came along, he listened and kept me busy."
She chuckled to herself, "I kind of wish he wasn't married!"
She smiled, removing some dangling hair from her view.
"He is a great man, someone you can almost instantly trust." She said with alot of heart
"Though one thing is for sure" Emily continued, Connie looked at her curiously, and Emily looked back.
"I wouldn't want to be in his shoes, dealing with pain extreme as death.." Emily shook her head.
"I couldn't take it.." She ended.
"So, what does your partner do now ?" Emily asked, changing the subject.
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She pepped up a bit, "Ronald? He's an engineer on Freeport 6 so he's gone for days at a time. He also has a transport ship so he runs freight a bit too. I just wish he wouldn't with all the piracy out there."
She got serious again, "I think that is what makes him as good as he is. It's not the healing, the life saving or his research knowledge, I think it's the empathy he feels for others. Sure, it hurts him for awhile at times but he always finds a way to use the experience for something positive. He never stops trying."
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