... Found this thing under the seat of the Outflyer... Heh, wondered where it went...
Y'know... I kinda forgot why I used to use this thing... I mean, I hear myself enough, but, maybe it's... it's just that whole "Listen to stuff that happened, laugh now 'cause it's all over and let the good times roll" and junk, but...
Damn...
For all the crap I went through, I feel like my head was screwed on straighter... before...
...
Damn...
I don't wanna go back to my place... Christ's sake, it's Father's Day in somethin' like forty-eight hours, and I don't even wanna see Papa Gerry over at Ames. Hell, I don't feel like movin' at all...
Just... me and the ol' girl floatin' over Hallam...
Heh, ol' girl... God, I haven't flown the Outflyer in ages... and it shows. Had a nav-computer crash while I was watching...
...
Damnit...
Why can't I just get on with my life...? Like every time I poke my head outta the shell I hit a wall with my face. I can't keep doin' it, it just... doesn't work...
Why'd I bother? Hell, why'd I pick her anyway? Of all the pieces of work out there, I had to pick the one flyin' a Goddamn Scylla, right? What the Hell was I thinkin'? I can't take on the whole world, the Hell made me think I could take on one...
Some kinda... knight in shinin' armor routine... But Hell, I wouldn't date that if I was given an option to punch out into a star and...
Damn...
All... all I got is this ol' girl... Heh, me and my ol' steed, still ridin' about like one of those old "Western" things...
Kinda...
Kinda sad, ain't it?
'Least the stars are kinda pretty... Always look nice from way out here, I reckon...
So apparently little Miss "Watch Your Back" wasn't in her right mind. Or just some angrier mind. Or she just didn't hear out what I was sayin'. Who knows?
Anywho, so she tries to say sorry... I guess... and then screws it all up by bein' all hostile and such. I kinda picked up somewhere along the way that you have to beat this girl upside the head with a spanner and eventually she might get a clue. Well, reckon she did.
Savin' a couple million credits worth of slaves? Damn, that really is new.
So she gives me this speech, right? All this crap about "My name is tainted" and so on. She was right, of course, but still, always beatin' herself up like it's in fashion. Shovin' all the good things she's done on my shoulders like I'm some kinda savior, then loadin' all the bad stuff on her own like some kinda martyr. Sheesh.
Anywho, change of name, change of pace, all that good stuff. Now, somewhere along the line I was feelin' kinda guilty since it looked like this nutjob was actually tryin' to fix herself, and when she mentioned somethin' about needing a new ship I let the Outflyer Two slip my tongue.
Hell... I mean, it's true, I wasn't usin' her, hadn't for a while. Collectin' dust in hangar two wasn't doin' her justice.
Still...
Bah... I let her have it.
Y'know, I left all those strings attached like, "If I ever need it" and "Don't junk it" and "Don't screw up the paint" but c'mon, this is Eva McDowell. It's gonna end up like some kinda mobile whorehouse or somethin', she'll call it the "Vomit Comet".
Yikes...
But... but it was the right thing to do.. right? Y'know, givin' her a leg up, settin' her on her way. I mean she's starting to steal all my lines too. She keeps it up and she might be a little like me, and that's always a good thing. 'Course some folks never change...
Well... Damn, that ship looked good from the outside, I was makin' myself jealous just lookin' at her...
So she filched the Two. That was bad enough; but at least it wasn't the Outflyer. Holy Hell, if I gave... Over my dead freakin' body, I'd give her...
Anywho...
So I ended up turnin' Eva into my next "project". That'll prolly bite me in the rear end sooner or later, but Hell, I love the challenge and all...
... Not all bad. Earlier it was like she was comin' on to me even though she said otherwise. I reckon I got a chance to turn down the infamous Eva McDowell.
New Personal Log Entry: 7.1.819.A.S. "Twisted Webs"
I never really thought I'd end up in a spot like this again. Not after... that one up and left me high and dry. Thought I was finally on my way to bein' myself again, but I kinda wasn't. Felt pretty bad for awhile, y'know, "let myself go" and all that...
Then the next thing I remember is goin' outta my way to help a freakin' psychopathic murderer and...
Jesus Christ, what a mess...
I reckon I didn't have enough time with the other one to figure it out, but you can't just be "friends" with 'em... women, I mean.
For all the stuff about her I just plain hate... though I'll admit she's actually been workin' on a lot of it... there's some stuff I just can't help but like and... and it's killin' me. Every time I look at her I get the same stupid idea in the back of my head. "What if?"
I dunno how much more of this I can take. I reckon I can only do so much before I gotta start looking after myself for a change...
...
Hell of a time for Papa Gerry to get cancer, too...
