Now Hiring: Moderators

[Remnant]

MORTALS

It is near time that we descend from our divine office desks bearing a singular problem. One in which we can solve ourselves, however the sheer re-occurrence brings the need of a lowly human. It is to be understood that the art of being a 'Janitor' is a skill for many. A very noble mastery. A mastery in which we have smited an endangered species in honor of hearing the news.

We require people of this profession with residence in the Temple of the Damned.
There is very many tractor fuel stains, ghost residue, and 'cat droppings' which must be picked up after. Apparently despite the never-ending knowledge of the universe, printer paper only does a temporary job.

If thou are interested in the slavery job to the ancients, you shall receive an attachment to fill out.
You will be rewarded with coffee once a week. That you must make yourself.

You will find that this is not a task in which a mere mortal like you can handle. You must go to the shady shop, named "The Shady Shop" and learn of rituals in order to speak to YOUR PERSONAL ALMIGHTY OVERLORD - As he is the one who shall take the position.
You will learn that the Janitor job once you have finished cleaning up, comes with a few other slave responsibilities. You will be given a seat at the "Windows DOS Computer of Amazing (Some sort of totally real thing inc.)" and be forced to clean up after other peoples mistakes over the Neural Net. Regretfully, I can inform you that you will only be given enough ordinance to destroy any information in a Computer System connected to the Neural Net. Universe destruction you will not achieve as easily.

You will also be allowed to silently judge people from afar. Everyone loves to silently judge others.

We have high expectations. Bring your mop.

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//The Moderator Application is to be filled out inRP as one of your characters. Be creative! There's no real wrong way to do it.

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Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

---

If you make an impression of being someone worthy of the position, we shall contact you after the deadline.

Deadline: July 28th (Server Time)

[Pinko]

Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

Oh god, where am I? I don't remember anything, I was having a drink in Los Angeles, and then, I don't know, I passed out, someone put a bag on my head and - am I even still in Liberty? Oh dear god please this place smells terrible I want to go home!

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

Is this about the heist on Curacao? Is that it? You think you'll get me to talk? No, I swore on my mom's life - may she rest in peace - that I'd never mention it agai... Wait, is that a bug over there? Oh, no no no no no, why is it hissing at me?! Someone help me!

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

No Signal, I can't reach the Neural net here, and all the exits are locked. No one's going to come for me... I can feel it. Who are you, monster? LSF? MND? Kempei? Show your face, you dirty rascal, I'll take you all!

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

I. WON'T. DIE. IN. THIS. HOLE. FREE ME! AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT! YOU WON'T HEAR A WORD OF THE GOLDEN DRAGON CASINO PLOT! YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE CORPSES! I WILL GO ON! I'LL BLAST THIS WHOLE DAMN STATION TO BITS IF I HAVE TO!

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

That's it, I guess- I guess... I guess I'm going to die here. I guess... Oh god no I can't, I can't.... Maaamaaaa, come back for meeeeeee!!!

[Rodent]

The man in black set out across the desert, and the pursuit followed...and promptly tripped and fell.

"God...damn..." He stumbled groggily to his feet, gingerly touching his nose, it had been broken. That only added to the list of injuries he already had, a litany of bruises that went from his feet to his temple.

"Maybe following this guy is bad for me..." He muttered, when a floating piece of paper hit him right in the face, propelled by a freak gust of wind. Rage descended on him with the power of a thousand suns, and he punched the sidewalk in frustration. He felt the anger bleed out of him and...wait. Reverse. It did not actually help. The world was pain. He could barely see, his eyesight was blurry from anger and pain, but he groped wildly and found the paper, somewhat soggy with his blood.

"What the shit is this?" He said out aloud. He gave it a look. "Wait...what?"

He absently scratched a blood mark off the pamphlet. "Huh...might as well. Fuck the man in the black."

Q1 - What brings you to the Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

A: I don't know what you're looking for, but have you ever had an employee who was dragged off the street and beaten till he...PISSED. BLOOD. And carried on after that?

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

See [PISSING BLOOD] above.

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

Eh, no. Not being dead would be nice.

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

As long as it's not herding fucking bees, I'll do whatever. I'm a determined man, son.

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

Probably. What is experience? A metaphysical thing that depends on arbitrary representations of time to determine the material worth of an individual as higher than another. I reject such plebeian notions. Try hiring a random idiot on a naval station, see where that gets you.

[Apollon]

[INCOMING TRANSMISSION]

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[img float=right]http://i.imgur.com/W1gKDnG.jpg?1[/img]
» LOCATION: Omicron Delta, Temple of the Damned vicinity
» COMM-ID: Ryuzaki Kuruso
» TARGET-ID: Staff of the Temple of the Damned
» SUBJECT: Hiring.
» PRIORITY: Medium
» ENCRYPTION: Medium

---

Konnichiwa tractors, false ghosts, cats, old men, etc..

Allow me to represent myself, I am Ryuzaki Kuruso, a renown dead guildkeeper of The Core, your neighbors. Since I have turned in to a ghost after dieing for the sake of my beloved Sapphire Raven, I now look for a suitable job to fill my time when I do not stalk her excellency. I'm sending the form's details now.

Q1 - What brings you to the Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

NOTHING DEFY THE POWER OF RAMEN! - Oh, crap! Uhh..... I seek stalking equipment, assassination equipment. I CAN'T STALK RAVEN-SAN PROPERLY AT THE MOMENT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!! No. I seek to dominate the false ghost group that the staff has and spread my ghost'd knowledge to them, poor morphs.

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

RAMEN! I have not defied Kami-sama, the god(s) yet, does that count? *Smiles*

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

MORE PRIVILEGES TO STALK MY BELOVED RAVEN-SAN!! AND DEFEND HERE REMOTELY! Why did you not sleep with my Raven-San!! I am now full of regrets!

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

Defending the mighty empire from the savage beasts that seek to pollute it with their sins. Defend the taboo from being broken, assisting the ghosts domination of the staff. And, most importantly, make more RAMEN!!!!

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

DIMI! GREENIE DIMI! WHERE ARE YOU DIMI!??!!??! VLAD CALLS FOR YOU!! SHOW ME YOUR SHEKELS!

[END OF TRANSMISSION]

[TheJarl]

The only two hippies that ever figured Fort Leniex would make for a cosy home stared at the postcard. The card raised questions. The one that kept the two busy for at least half an hour was about the apparent existence of a post office on the Hellfire station. The next half hour was spend thinking about how any mailman could've gotten to it Leniex. They had been residing there for years and still would get lost every other day.

Once effect of the synthetic marijuana started to wear off they figured they should perhaps look at what's actually written on the card. The hippie Legionnaires frowned. A job as a janitor? But with such strange questions. Something was odd about it.

After a few minutes of carefully deliberating they figured that there's no way the people who had sent the postcard didn't have a really big stash. There's no way they could've come up with this otherwise. The two looked at each other and both started grinning. This was a perfect oppurtunity. After all, one of them was a janitor already. The man, known as the Jarlnitor (nobody knows why), high-fived his friend Tharog Frosthearth. They had to find that stash.

Quickly they started filling in the blanks.

Q1 - What brings you to the Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

I've been proudly keeping the hallways of Fort Leniex nice and shiny for over four years. Ask the Lord Commander, there ain't nobody as clean as me. Actually don't ask the big boss! Apparently his definition of "clean" is apparently a bit broader than mine. But ask any other Legionnaire that's not a big boss, or a small boss! I work hard, but never stress!

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

Most of my colleague janitors in the Legion always complain that nobody respects them. Say all those pilots and captains are arrogant and think they are above them. But me? I say they are just grumpy! All the pilots love hanging around with me!

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

Clean hallways! Nothing else! I am totally not after some stash you may or may not have!

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

Keeping the hallways clean! As well as such tasks as replacing light bulbs, making sure visitors can enter their rooms and scaring geese.

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

I heard rumours of one person that's almost red but not quite. A pink person and from what I've heard it's not an onion.

The two spend another two hours in search of the post office before they finally sent the letter back to its sender.

[Wildkins]

--- Inbound Transmission Detected ---

COMM ID: Petty Officer (Third Class) Wildkins, NOF 31 Long Island
TARGET ID: unidentified frequency, "Temple of the Damned"
SUBJECT: Janitorial work?
ENCRYPTION: None
PRIORITY: HIGH

Hello? Who's there?

Ugh...where am I? I don't remember Long Island being this dark or goopy. And I remember distinctly fewer coffee machines. And where are all the doors? Who builds a room with no doors and thirty-eight coffee machines? Nevermind, this must be Long Island. I've never seen a more textbook example of red tape combined with bureaucratic stupidity.

So, what's this here? Some kind of recruitment leaflet? I don't quite recognize the insignia, but it must be Libertonian. Well, if I am stuck in what appears to be a bureaucratic death trap, maybe I can at least get a better salary before I die of hunger. God knows it won't be of thirst, as long as I have enough pocket change. Let's see here...

Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?

Almighty temple? God, I knew the uppers of Long Island's bureaucracy had a bit of a god complex, but I didn't realize it was this severe. With all due respect, my superiors, my only formal training involves cleaning and maintenance work. I've served on Long Island for the past two years, and under my jurisdiction, we've received the "Cleanest Naval Orbital Facility" award twice in a row. Suck it, Norfolk!

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

I am intimately familiar with the workings of all janitorial equipment, from the lowly mop all the way to the DSE-845-Z Tractor-Cleaner All-in-One Deluxe Turbo. I once cleaned an entire wing of Long Island in only twenty minutes. My service and janitorial record is stellar, and as I have been informed, I'm due for a promotion soon! Of course, that's leaving out the part where seven officers received concussions after falling due to the sheer volume of cleaning fluid I used to wipe the floors...
Oh well, I'm sure they'll look over that.

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

While I would be most pleased by an increase in pay grade, sirs, the simple honor of legitimizing my janitorial duties would be more than sufficient for my tastes. Maybe a coffee voucher or two? Hmm.

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

Hah, responsibilities. What is this, Basic Training? My responsibilities will, first and foremost, maintaining the cleanliness of the entire facility and its surrounding Net. I also have a duty as a Naval Seaman to protect the House of Liberty against all threats, foreign and domestic, as I pledged in my oath. Of course, if a Gaul or Rogue steps onto this base and I'm the only one on it, I hope he has a severe allergy to cleaning supplies.

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?

More experienced Janitor? Is that even a question? Who would actually want to be an experienced janitor? Do they offer master's degrees in Janitorial Studies or something? I swear, the Admiralty must be using some of those drugs we confiscate from Junkers. If there is, sir, I haven't met them. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am the finest janitor the Liberty Navy has to offer, and my service record aboard the Station has shown that. I hope to improve my methods and maintain a fine member of this here Navy, and give you my all.

What the - it disappeared! I swear, this is just getting more wacky by the minute. Did I accidentally inhale some chemicals or something? I have to be hallucinating.

Does this room really not have any exits? Nope, doesn't look like it - only a bunch of coffee machines and a broom. Well, I guess I can fill myself full of caffeine and sweep away the dust and my tears as I slowly die of hunger. What a fun way to go!

--- Transmission Complete - No Further Data ---

[AlphaWolf215]

Captain Briggson signed ANOTHER denied request for a Dunkirk, before placing it on his "out" pile. Picking up the next piece of paper, and taking a moment to read through, he pulled out a pen to begin writing his reply

Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?
I run an extremely tidy office. Everything must be ship shape and I expect perfection. I have led many teams of mop wielders, and have myself served as a warrior of the mop. A new setting to get started on would be just wonderful. This office is rather large right now... I'd like something smaller.. and it must require more mop attention!

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?
I wouldn't say I was superior... but I was born into a life with the mop. My early days where spent training with a mop. Vigorous hours, many different locations. My Janitorial skills are superb, and earned me the position of Chief Janitor in Her Majesty's Armed Forces.

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?
Only a new, shinny mop! (and maybe the matching bucket.. ooh that would be nice)

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)
Taking care of the floors, cleaning the toilets... Oh, and of course taking care of the Holy Rooms!

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?
That very nice gentleman keeping the police officers in check around here... ooh, St.Denis? Hmm.. that can't be right, sounds Gallic...

He read it through once more. Satisfied, placing the pen down before him, he dropped it on top of the "out" pile, watching it become engulfed in a blinding green light. As the light resided, it was gone, leaving the familiar, yet strange, smell of Sunbucks coffee...

[Miaou]

<Input sound to text detected>

<...Translating...>

---

Les Concierges,

Ah, the people who clean my liter box sometimes. I've always wanted to know the art of that. All I have is my toungue though, and something about licking poop doesn't really appeal to me, non? Perhaps I can claw together some arms out of spare robotics around here... Hmm...

Ah well, the notion will stay on the tips of my whiskers. I guess this liter cleaning class might be of use though. If not, I may wish to ask for your services to clean it. I can pay in rats, I hope you find those purrfect!

-Sire Merlin DeMatha

---

<...Attachments...>

Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?
Miaaaou miaaaou miaa miaaaaaaaou miaa mia miaaaou!

Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?
Miaaaaaaaaaaaau~

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?
Aou?

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)
Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *HISS HISS*

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more experienced janitor than you?
Miaaaaaaou mia miaaaaaa miaa miaaaaaou. Miaaaaa? Miaaaaaou mia miaaaou.

[Backo]

.:[Incoming Transmission]:.
.:[Comm ID: Gregory Tessier]:.
.:[Location: Omicron Theta]:.

This thing on? *bzzt bzzt* Gah! Ok it's working now.

So, *nasty sounds of throat clearing* it came to my attention that you fine gentlemen are in need of a good Janitor, yes? Let me introduce myself, I am Gregory Tessier and I can't really recall the rest at the moment, you'll have to excuse my hangover. But rest assured, I am a real person and I swear on my mother's grave you'll find more about me if you filter the Neural Net.

*some more throat clearing* Question 1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple?
Long long ago, in a system far away, I think it was Vespucci, I got enlisted into the Hellfire Legion. There I worked as a Janitor. I cleaned deck halls, made sure the Sabres were clean and kicked the drunk guys out of the bar so I can clean up their puke on America base. My superiors were so proud of me they made me fly a suicide missions in a Repair Ship next to the 2 big flagships that I honestly can't remember the name of. I think it was Vengir and Something-something-else. One had a sexy AI voice, which was nice. Was comforting in the middle of laser fire. But I'm drifting off. Point is one thing let to another and I left the Legion to pursue a career of freelancing. Give it a few more years and I am nearly broke on some zoner base that smells like piss and I'm drinking my last savings away. So given I've fallen so low it's time for me to clim- EY, YOU, YOU TOUCH THAT BOTTLE OF RUM AND I'LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF! Ha-ha-ha.

*cough* Question two - What makes me a superior janitor to everyone else?
Well you see, unlike the rest of the people here who are admirals, captains, pirates, traders, whatever, I am the only man who actually was an actual Janitor and has experience in such a job. And I liked my job, it was a quiet enough job and no Coalition pilot tried to shoot me back then. Neither did I have Kusarian mercenary chicks angry at me for whatever reason.

Onto 3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being, heh, you typed "being" twice here, you should get a guy to proof-read your stuff... Besides being able to wield the "HOLY WINDEX"?
I don't even know what that thing is, but I'll gladly let you know I expect nothing. That way you don't get disappointed.

Question 4! What responsibilities do I believe I'll have in the position?
I'll clean stuff up after people make a mess. Janitorial work is not rocket science.

Question 5 outta 5: Do I think anyone else is more experienced for the job than me?
Well there was that fella back at America who did the night janitor shift. He was pretty decent, I think his name was Bob. But last I heard of him he took his savings and began a new life on planet Baden Baden as a professional stripper. I guess the paramilitary thing to the Legion kinda put a lot of stress on the fella.

*sound of breaking glass can be heard* WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TOUCHING MY BOOZE!? I'LL FEED YOU TO THAT CORSAIR IN THE BAR YOU BASTARD! *bzzzzzzzzt*

.:[Data Link Closed]:.

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Republic of the Sword and Sun

[Gulryz]

Incoming Transmission

ID: Glock Anderson

Location: Planet Malta

PRIORITY: High

Q1 - What brings you to request being in a potential Janitor position of our almighty temple. We will work you hard. What have you done to deserve sitting at the janitors console, and hold the almighty mop of cleaning?
So how can I work, well I have served in the dark corners of space I have survive harsh conditions without supplies, I am here hold almighty mop of cleaning to find the light.


Q2 - What makes you a superior janitor to everyone else?

Better then them, Fast then them, Clever then them, Ruthless then them,

Q3 - Do you expect to gain anything besides being being able to wield "THE HOLY WINDEX"?

I will serve as told by Almighty Overlord until last drop of fluid in my body

Q4 - What responsibilities do you believe you'll have in the position. (Hint: Scaring away geese is 'not' one of these responsibilities)

Me small human being can just guess, I think scaring those off who play hard with neutral net, taking out those who make it laggy but big pictures on their back, Keeping neutral net safe from such threats.

Q5 - Out of the pool of Mortals - Is there anyone else you think would be a more
experienced janitor than you?

I don't have many friend Almighty Overlord

Transmission End