Feedback for my stories

[Derkylos]

Well, I've started uploading my story(s). Please post constructive criticism here...or, if you must, deconstructive criticism (but note that i won't read deconstructive stuff...).

"The Awakening"

"A Meeting of Fortune" (NB: any assists with the main conversation would be gratefully recieved.)

"Simon's Enlistment" (Hope Deiter dosn't mind me "borrowing" his material...)

Dunno what to call this one

Another story with no title (Damn, I suck at making up titles...)

Pew Pew =]

The Crew of The Gremlyn

The Unseen Guardians

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[Derkylos]

Bump, 'coz noone is taking the blindest bit of notice, and I added another one.

NB: The titles kinda suck, but that's 'coz im not very good at titles...suggestions welcome.

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[Laowai]

They are both good - the first one with the drifting order pilot especially, good amount of detail too which i like:)- You've left enough questions and "whys?" there to get me to want to read the next part!

The second one is good too but i do have questions on it - are the two "Anthonys" from the stories the same guy? That was a little confusing reading them back to back - also, the dialogue between them is good but it seems to jump - has he been missing for three years? why has he not contacted his family? they seem to just jump straight into it without the first brother asking the million questions that he must have about "where the hell have you been and why haven't you contacted us? we thought you were dead you bast**d!"

Good stuff, ill read more when you put it up!

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http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/3289/...047770.png

[Derkylos]

Yes, "both" Anthonys are the same guy, hence the same names (note that he asked for transport to FP1 at the end of the first one). No, they are not meant to be read back-to-back, most writing I do starts somewhere in the middle and ends somewhere in the middle.
As for the dialogue...like i said, my creativity..ahem..."died", so anything to help there is good.

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[Doc Holliday]

Nice stories, Dude. I freelance write myself and enjoy learning from others. Keep it up.:cool:

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[MFE]Med Force One | Tales of Recovery|Med Force Enterprises

[Derkylos]

Bump, another one added...some feedback is good, more is better =]

Oh, and now you get some background on my "official" character...

NB: the request for an assist with he dialogue in the 2nd one still stands...anyone willing to help, please get in touch.

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[Dieter Schprokets]

You started a second thread to better explain your BAF character's recruitment...

nice:)

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[Derkylos]

You started a second thread to better explain your BAF character's recruitment...

nice:)

Yeah, so read eet and comment on eet! :angry:

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[Tomtomrawr]

i havn't had time to read all 3 of them yet, only the first one. But i think the Awakening was brilliant. I like the fact that he can't remember anything about like where he's been, or who he works for etc.

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[17:45:39] Wolfs Ghost (Murphy): Tom, you have problems. Go kill yourself.
[19:25:12] Johnny (Jam): Tomtom, I will beat you with a spoon.
[14:22:56] Prarabdh Thakur: KILL HIM WITH A SHEEP.
[17:40:48] Eagle (Junes): Tom should be slapped with a spoon.
[11:32:18] Warspite: Thank you for being so awesome Tom. <3
[18:17:36] Metano: I love you tomtom
[20:06:24] Warspite: I will seriously give you epic head.

Edit: also, Tomtomrawr, fappin' like a boss.

[Niezck]

Pretty damn good as it goes:)

Incidently ...

The Awakening

One of us is gonna have to change, and I sure do love this dress.