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  Discovery Gaming Community Role-Playing Stories and Biographies RP Stories Feedback Forum
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Sonya Blade Feedback

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Sonya Blade Feedback
Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 11:19 AM,
#1
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

Hey guys, this is my new Geb commander. i want to focus something else other then my Osiris and possibly work towards another SRP ship.

Sonya's Dossier can be found here

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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Offline HanCloudstone
03-11-2017, 11:20 AM,
#2
Bulwark of Kyushu
Posts: 515
Threads: 41
Joined: Jan 2017

Well, same thingie again. Did you need the name to be a reference?

My char info and rp feedback thread

Currently schizoposting from Omicron Chi
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Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 11:23 AM,
#3
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

im sorry what?

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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Offline HanCloudstone
03-11-2017, 11:27 AM,
#4
Bulwark of Kyushu
Posts: 515
Threads: 41
Joined: Jan 2017

Sonya Blade is a character from Mortal Kombat. I thought the rules kind of apply. No?

My char info and rp feedback thread

Currently schizoposting from Omicron Chi
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Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 11:30 AM, (This post was last modified: 03-11-2017, 11:30 AM by Kalhmera.)
#5
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

My character is not a representative of that game, hence no rule violation.

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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Offline Thunderer
03-11-2017, 11:31 AM, (This post was last modified: 03-11-2017, 11:37 AM by Thunderer.)
#6
Tea Disposal Unit
Posts: 5,611
Threads: 463
Joined: Jul 2011

Too hot to be a captain. If I was among her crew, I'd slander her arse with my mates every time she passes by (and gets far enough not to whip me for it. Or maybe I wouldn't mind to get whipped by her...)

At least she uses it to her advantage. Explains how a young woman got to command a Geb (and reminds me of someone *giggles*). I like how her brother got employed right after graduating, by the way, due to his family connection, and now the bugger gets to advise a captain out of turn too. Her story seems unfinished, though. "Something snapped" is a very vague justification for changing one's mind. What snapped and why exactly?

Her parents' deaths as the reason to start using her beauty to her advantage is very vague as well. Something must have happened in between. What has?

[Image: 396AUfe.png]
Bretonian Treaty Database Bretonian Armed Forces Recruitment Center
Bretonian Charter of Interstellar Law Bretonian Secrets Act
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Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 11:36 AM,
#7
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

you are correct @Thunderer its not finished and as time goes on i will add more, when i say something snapped i was trying to reference the fall of toledo and for Sonya hearing Liberty was under attack made her feel like she had to do something to try and make a difference.

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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Offline Gen
03-11-2017, 11:42 AM,
#8
Member
Posts: 86
Threads: 11
Joined: Jun 2008

Besides Thunderer's suggestions, the write up could use more care generally.

The first sentence is wrong. 'She was is known to be kind'. Also, 'tho'? 'All tho'? Should be, though and although.

Best get a friend to read it and point out the problems.
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Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 11:47 AM,
#9
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

@"Riot" guess i should not make RP at 4 am haha problems fixed.

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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Offline Kalhmera
03-11-2017, 12:38 PM,
#10
Sadistic Tentacle
Posts: 3,205
Threads: 546
Joined: Nov 2015

More content added to her biography and very brief ship specs added

[Image: iytffEd.png]
Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to struggle against entropy. - V. Havel
Amenhotep SRP Thread | Amenhotep Captains Log | Jean Holiday Dossier & Logs | Vermont History


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