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Jonathan Seabourne · 08-31-2021, 12:23 AM,

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[Image: Titanic-Second-Officer-Charles-Lightoller.jpg]

ID: Jonathan Seabourne

Location: OS&C|Widdershins, Planet Manhattan, New York System

To: =LSF=Ashland

Subject: I found the name!

Kallisti!

Good news, friend of friends! I was sifting through the assorted piles of records in our hold (I mentioned our filing system is charitably called a rat's nest, but a more accurate description probably necessitates the Fujita scale) when I looked under the pile formerly known as J (long story, lots of artistic differences, you know how artists get) and I found the missing entry! Seems instead of putting it under N for "Navy" (or "Nomad Power Cell") we filed it under J for "Jerkface". In any event, the cabbage you're looking for is Karla Kassera of the 5th fleet. Recreated chat logs are included where we could properly decipher the lipstick on synth paste wrappers. Probably best to ignore any bits that refer to "squid flavoring", "low fat", or "not intended for human consumption" as a result.

Records!

Regards,
Jonathan Seabourne
Titles(???)

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OS&C|Widdershins

Sanity, Sanity, All is Sanity

The_Godslayer · 08-31-2021, 07:04 AM,

Incoming Transmission
Liberty Security Force
Central Intelligence Unit
Agent Excelsus

Hello,

The information has been dually noted. I have some work to do on my end, now, but I did think up a few questions while I've got you on the line. Firstly, you said earlier that you found that power core in a Core wreck. Do you happen to have any recollection of what or where that wreck was, or the power core's position inside of it? The Core obviously spend much time out in the Omicrons, and of course strange things happen out there, but Nomad tech is a little too strange for them, using or transporting.

Secondly, in this audio log you're recorded saying "Will it be destroyed or studied?" Do your Discordians have means with which to conduct research on these kinds of materials? Have they done so before?

And third, you also said "I don't think the tongues of men can pronounce what they call themselves." Have you heard what they call themselves at any point, or do you have samples of their language?

Excelsus,
Agent,
Central Intelligence Unit

Important: This communication remains the property of the Libertonian Armed Forces and is subject to the jurisdiction of the Neural Net Communications Act 807 A.S, Section 30. If you have received this message in error, you are requested to contact the sender and delete the communication.

I'll do something about my superiority complex when I cease to be superior.

"Whatever happened to catchin' a good old-fashioned passionate ass-whoopin and gettin' your shoes, coat, and your hat tooken?"

Jonathan Seabourne · (This post was last modified: 08-31-2021, 11:33 PM by Jonathan Seabourne.)

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ID: Jonathan Seabourne

Location: OS&C|Widdershins, Shasta Orbital Skyhook, Baffin System

To: Agent Agent, Liberty Security Force

Subject: Curiouser and Curiouser

Kallisti

An agent named Agent? Either you're an officer so nice they named you twice or you were promoted by an IBM machine with a sense of humor. Either way, it's good to have a name to put to the face, even if both are just placeholders.

First, the provenance! We were reconnoitering possible other exits out of Delta (read: dicking around) when we came across planet Vaitupu. I am never one to let an unassuming rock with a silly name go without paying my respects, so we made up some calling cards to drop into whatever atmosphere it possesses. Don't want to seem TOO eager if you know what I mean. Lo and behold we discovered we were NOT the planetoid's only gentlemen caller. Fortunately, these romantic rivals had long since timed out thanks to a statute of limitations on breathing.

The wreck of the APM transport Brilliance wasn't going to add anyone to their dance card for quite some time. Being something of a first hand expert on what a ship looks like when it's blown apart by weapons fire (alas, poor Breezewood, I knew you well!) it was curious to see the signature weapon scarring from the outside for a change. The core was inside (the power core, not the core core), along with some other odds and/or ends that APM makes. I dumped the trinkets on the first freeport willing to offer decent credits for them. The power cell, though, that was SUPER shiny, so shiny you could even see the sparkles on the back of your eyeballs with your eyelids closed. I am told that is usually a bad thing that leads to cancer, but being a Pisces myself I should be safe for now.

Secondly, we Discordians are not scientists. We barely have a GED between us, let alone a fancy degree (I get to have the G on alternate Wednesdays). As a result, it is safe to say we have no sophisticated means of studying said baubles outside of basic field observations. The cell was shiny, warm to the touch, made an ominous MWwWwWAAAAMP sound that would cycle in intensity (note the number of W's, very important) and tasted strongly of blood. This last point is less credible than the rest since Crewman Davis's mouth was full of blood after licking the orb, possibly tainting the experiment. Ironically we chose him since he was the only crew member currently without scurvy. We really need to find the can opener for our fruit stores sooner rather than later.

Lastly, I was just waxing poetic on the topic of tongues. I imagine Nomads don't speak English (after all, this is the real world, not some silly video game with universal translators). But I do like talking about tongues. Tongues are SO WEIRD. Like, do they taste themselves constantly? Our eyeballs look like eyeballs, do our tongues taste like tongues? Am I tasting myself right now? AM I A MAN WHO TASTES OF TONGUES OR A TONGUE WHO TASTES OF MAN?!?!

Questions to ponder, especially now that I have all this free time after dropping that hussy of a planet Vaitupu. Maybe I should see what Maine has been up to, hopefully my number's not still blocked after the "incident"...

Regards,
Jonathan Seabourne
Titles(???)

> > > > Closing Transmission < < < <

OS&C|Widdershins

Sanity, Sanity, All is Sanity

The_Godslayer · 09-01-2021, 04:47 AM,

Incoming Transmission
Liberty Security Force
Central Intelligence Unit
Agent Excelsus

Discordian,

I am Agent Excelsus. I don't really use any name other than that because it'd be more of a hinderance than a benefit. If you really need some sort of distinguishing name for me, you may call me Reverend Dr. Excelsus, Excelsus the Spook, C.I.U Bastard, or even Backstabbing giga-C***. Primarily, I am not Agent Agent. At best I am Agent Excelsus.

On another note, thank you for this information. While you and your friends are certainly strange, slightly unhinged, and possibly schizophrenic, you don't seem to be any sort of threat to public safety. Please remain that way, it'd be a shame if something had to happen. Also, I suggest refraining from putting foreign objects in your mouth, alien or otherwise. Though, if you're of the frame of mind of engaging in interpersonal relationships with planets, perhaps it's not my position to question any lesser form of bodily harm you engage in. And last but not least, in case you've not been informed before, the astrology of old Sol doesn't apply to medical conditions and diseases, not to mention that while a few fish back then did eat crabs, all crabs would eat fish if the chance arose.

Excelsus,
Agent,
Central Intelligence Unit

Important: This communication remains the property of the Libertonian Armed Forces and is subject to the jurisdiction of the Neural Net Communications Act 807 A.S, Section 30. If you have received this message in error, you are requested to contact the sender and delete the communication.

I'll do something about my superiority complex when I cease to be superior.

"Whatever happened to catchin' a good old-fashioned passionate ass-whoopin and gettin' your shoes, coat, and your hat tooken?"

Jonathan Seabourne · 09-01-2021, 11:37 AM,

- - - - Incoming Transmission - - - -

ID: Jonathan Seabourne

Location: OS&C|Widdershins, Planet Manhattan, New York System

To: Agent Excelsus AKA Reverend Dr. Excelsus AKA Excelsus the Spook AKA C.I.U Bastard AKA The Yellow Dart

Subject: A Thousand Pardons!

Kallisti!

Sorry for the mix-up with the name! I thought Excelsus was a whatever-the-opposite-of-a-salutation is. As an organization that likes to greet everyone with a friendly "Kallisti!" (From Old Greek on Ol' Terra, means "To the Fairest", long story, literally one of the oldest ones we have written down) I thought it was just another clever word used to start or end a conversation. I shall of course give all due respect to your myriad titles, and myriad weapons when within range of the Widdershins.

As for the rest, we have been called worse things than essentially "mostly harmless." You do your thing, we'll do ours, and if our paths cross again may the venture be equally fruitful as this one. Goddess knows we need the vitamin C, the crew is getting upset that the tooth fairy doesn't seem to have Shasta on her itinerary. The ship's shared toothbrush will soon be accurately named at this rate.

And to be fair, the astrology of Sol is just as relevant today as it was 800 years ago, a statement that the believer and skeptic would most certainly agree to though from opposite sides. But I agree it's probably best to stick to the tarot cards for now, which I now know CAN'T be substituted for taro in a recipe. Seems the major arcana do not agree with my lower digestive track.

Regards,
Jonathan Seabourne
Titles(???)

> > > > Closing Transmission < < < <

OS&C|Widdershins

Sanity, Sanity, All is Sanity

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