My apologies if this thread is not made for feedback, report for movement to a proper thread if needed. It's nice to see yet another Dragons faction to appear, hope you will last for longer, however, I have a question and a couple of propositions to you.
1) You mentioned "Ichigo" - this means a strawberry in Japanese. Not sure if this is a good pick of a name, especially to a male one, unless you taken it from some anime.
2) The font you use is heavy for eyes: please try a different one, something common, like Open Sans, Roboto, Arial. You can use google fonts service to pick up a good combination. I can give you a hand with this if you need, my Discord is Groshyr#4914.
3) General write up is a bit, as for my taste, childish - I am not trying to offend you as I understand you may be not native or good with English. So, let me to quote: "For the Golden Chrysanthemums, they had more likely the same ideology. Even if, Dragons found the cardamine nasty." Why not to write it like "The Golden Chrysanthemums have similar ideology, however, the Dragons do not welcome the use of Cardamine."? Looks a little more solid, isn't it? I recommend you to ask a native or someone with better English to take a look for both grammar and stylistic.
(09-15-2021, 02:01 PM)Hayazaki-Clan Wrote: At the beginning, the Blood Dragons were the hiers of the throne of Kusari
That is incorrect. The Blood Dragons are the descendants of the shogun's royal guards. They are not related to the royal family itself and have no claim to the throne.
(09-15-2021, 02:13 PM)Groshyr Wrote: My apologies if this thread is not made for feedback, report for movement to a proper thread if needed. It's nice to see yet another Dragons faction to appear, hope you will last for longer, however, I have a question and a couple of propositions to you.
1) You mentioned "Ichigo" - this means a strawberry in Japanese. Not sure if this is a good pick of a name, especially to a male one, unless you taken it from some anime.
2) The font you use is heavy for eyes: please try a different one, something common, like Open Sans, Roboto, Arial. You can use google fonts service to pick up a good combination. I can give you a hand with this if you need, my Discord is Groshyr#4914.
3) General write up is a bit, as for my taste, childish - I am not trying to offend you as I understand you may be not native or good with English. So, let me to quote: "For the Golden Chrysanthemums, they had more likely the same ideology. Even if, Dragons found the cardamine nasty." Why not to write it like "The Golden Chrysanthemums have similar ideology, however, the Dragons do not welcome the use of Cardamine."? Looks a little more solid, isn't it? I recommend you to ask a native or someone with better English to take a look for both grammar and stylistic.
This is quite a good point you bring Groshyr. I am indeed not the best in english... I also did not make a feedback thread yet so I will make it soon.
1) For the names, I don't really care about it. I don't really care about the meaning too.
2) About the font, I thought it was more unique using this one. I put in the medium size because it would be to big or not big enough. To be honest with you, it is my own opinion, each faction should have their own style. Even for the faction page and other pages.
3) I take notes and yes, I am not the best writer of the world.
As for the point #2 - you can use [size=number] instead of [size=value], like [size=12] supposed to be equal to [size=medium], if memory serves me well, as for the rest -- fair enough
(09-15-2021, 02:30 PM)Groshyr Wrote: As for the point #2 - you can use [size=number] instead of [size=value], like [size=12] supposed to be equal to [size=medium], if memory serves me well, as for the rest -- fair enough
(09-15-2021, 02:27 PM)Hayazaki-Clan Wrote: 1) For the names, I don't really care about it. I don't really care about the meaning too.
Why are you making a Kusari faction then?
Well a friend told me it would be better if I make a some kind of faction if I want to launch some big RP sequence.
Ex: Threaten a station for a ransom.
And like Groshyr said earlier about names, I effectively was inspired by animes... The important in a RP is not the name of a character or the meaining of it, but what you do and how you do. Actually it is my thought.
(09-15-2021, 02:13 PM)Groshyr Wrote: Looks a little more solid, isn't it? I recommend you to ask a native or someone with better English to take a look for both grammar and stylistic.
Yes, yes you shoud
Anyways OP , good luck in your endeavour, nice to see more BD around!
Seeing some similarities to what I have been doing for RP, I wish you luck with the faction and hope you have fun playing it. It is a niche RP so do not get upset if it does not fly, especially given the history of previous BD factions. Good luck and have fun!
