Yar, so as the title suggests, constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome, but please don't come in here just to tell me you hated my story and I'm a crappy writer xD
Oh my god it sucked so bad, where did you learn to write? Even I, an idiot can write better!
Nah, it was pretty good, I enjoyed the dark humor and the evil atmosphere just remember to keep your character unique and don't always do the typical "evil/psycho/maniac" moves. Keep thinking outside the box. Can your characters emotions change her typical actions? It does so with normal human beings. Can certain conditions in a situation affect how she would react normally? Point being, keep her dark and evil just don't present her in a way that I can almost guess what she is gonna do next, that's when it becomes uninteresting.
i like it dident really know your slaver but well if its nt in fighter-fighter combat itd be a intresting meeting between my main and your phantom,there both good with blades
I'd just like to thank everyone for the feedback they've dropped in here, Sina, for your good suggestions and everyone else for all the positive feedback which serves as good motivation.
I'm with Zeltak here. The story is well written, but... kids watch too many rambo and diehardt. Every evil character is portrayed the same. Maniac, kills up close, enjoys killing, twisted, can take on 15 dudes at once. Also..what's up with blades? Let's be honest they are much more cool than guns, but not effective otherwise every marine would carry a katana. Nah, the blade is okay, but don't overdo it.
Playing an evil character doesn't mean you have to pick the most evil solution in every situation, solve every puzzle by going on a kill streak. Especially if your combatant is the underdog.
You need more depth to the character. What drives her? Why does she do what she does? Does your character have doubts about taking people's lives away? Will that eventually mess with her head? That kind of thing.
' Wrote:I'm with Zeltak here. The story is well written, but... kids watch too many rambo and diehardt. Every evil character is portrayed the same. Maniac, kills up close, enjoys killing, twisted, can take on 15 dudes at once. Also..what's up with blades? Let's be honest they are much more cool than guns, but not effective otherwise every marine would carry a katana. Nah, the blade is okay, but don't overdo it.
Playing an evil character doesn't mean you have to pick the most evil solution in every situation, solve every puzzle by going on a kill streak. Especially if your combatant is the underdog.
You need more depth to the character. What drives her? Why does she do what she does? Does your character have doubts about taking people's lives away? Will that eventually mess with her head? That kind of thing.
Hope you don't mind some criticism.
I don't mind the criticism, but in regards to the events going on in this particular story, Jasmine (Djinn's) driving force is her desire to end the life of the Captain of the Heavy Metal Queen, which Djinn used to serve on, before being taken by the Phantoms. Like, the events occurring in this particular story are merely one particular set of circumstances for Djinn, she isn't always going off in a bloodthirsty rage and killing massive amounts of people. I wouldn't say either that Djinn solves every problem by killing people, but she doesn't regret killing people either, Though she does tend to stray away from killing people unless they give her a reason. I dunno if you've ever encountered Djinn in game or not either, but her mind is already a mess. I'd say between her past of being a Slaver and the brainwashing done to her by the Phantoms after taking her, she's mentally, quite the mess.
but yeah, I don't mind criticism, so long as it's constructive, so thanks for your input;)
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