There was that great fire that left 2/3 of the city of Rome itself destroyed. There were rumors that Nero played his fiddle when Rome burned. What is a fiddle anyway? Does it even exist? Well, shortly after the fire, Nero was overthrown and Trajan took his place. Nero started working for me. He was one of my personal bodyguards. I was thrown into a battle against Carthage at Tripoli, Libya. Half of the emperor's men are severely wounded or fallen.
Personal Entry:
(67 A.D.)
We beat Carthage at Tripoli and managed to drive them back to the city Carthage itself. I also gained another bodyguard, Flavius.
Personal Entry:
(68 A.D.)
I was sitting at my villa when a wormhole appeared. Me and my bodyguards entered the wormhole.
Personal Entry:
(702 A.A.S.)
I've appeared at another different freaking dimension! The locals thought my last name was too complex and so started calling me Romanus! I hate that name. It took 2 whole days for some officer to teach me about the world today. I've been recruited to the police force. I only entered that application as a joke! And they accepted it! I can't believe how incompetent these police peeps are! Oh well, I guess I'll sleep on this heap of glowing green chemicals.
Personal Entry:
(703 A.A.S.)
Well, at least I'm respected here like I was back in Rome. I guess this was not so bad after all, since I slept on those green chemicals called plutonium, I have to spend an hour sitting in those toxic fumes at Fort Bush every day or else it'll start hurting like hell. I still don't get what this red lever does. Let me give it a try.
===Interupption===
=Fast Forward Initiated=
Personal Entry:
(704 A.A.S.)
Oh my god! Okay, now I know what that red lever does. I don't even know why they included it in this piece of heaping junk. Anyway, people coming.
Well, got some work to do. Found this giant donut right next to Baltimore. My ship identifies it as "Conneticut Jump Hole" crazy little heap of junk. Anyway, time to do my daily toxic-fume-resting. Maybe I should just build a shrine to the Catholic god right next to the toxic fumes.
Woo! We just beat this group of 6 rogues the other day! All thanks to-
The San Francisco. Hmm, I remember invading that place back in my time. I hate dealing with Indians. They're so barbaric. Anyway, gonna go eat some live snakes now! Topped with black tree fungus. And maybe watch some games if there are any around here.
Wow, I searched and I searched and I searched. There are no games and no one sells black tree fungus. But I did get some snakes from a couple of Xenos. The only games here are the arcade games. Dang, no gladiators and no bloodshed. I hate the future.
I was chewing on this dried coffee bit and I tore my lip open. I'm not eating coffee toffees again.
Anyway, got on this fight with the Liberty government. Hopefully I erased the history of what happened. Me and about 10 leigionnarres from my time got into a fight with the Navy, don't know how though. They barged into my house and started a fight. Flavius was killed and Nero's arm was burnt badly from the lasers. *Flashback*
Quintus: Archers Ignite!
*The men put their arrow tips into a fire*
Quintus: Draw!
*The men raise their bows*
Quintus: Unleash Hell!!!
Nero: Fire!!
Brutus: Fire!!
*A frenzy of flames come showering down on the Liberty forces*
*6/20 soldiers burn to the ground*
Quintus: Chhharrrge!!!
*The men draw their short Gladiuses and charge* The following sequences contain extreme nastiness and blood proceed at your own will
* stab stab shink shink yell scream blood shower yell yell yell order scream blood shower order blood shower blood shower blood shower decapitation long scream blood shower order arrows yell scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
*White flash*
Quintus: Brutus! Casualty report!
Brutus: All Liberty soldiers eliminated. Everyone but you, me, and some random soldier still alive. Nero is badly burned, and that random soldier is missing one ear, one arm and is currently bleeding to death
===Commercial===
=Presented by: Interspace Commerce (with some help by Quintus' Leigionnarres)
Roma.
Population: 19
Weight: Unknown
Hi: ???
The useless moon "Maine" is renamed "Roma" by the infamous Quintus Romanus. Recently, the Liberty government gave permission to Quintus to operate there. Most of Quintus' men are working on Pittsburg. Be the first there! You may get one thousand credits!
===Commercial===
=Presented by Interspace Commerce and the Junkers=
Puerto Rico.
Population: A lot
Weight: Priceless
Hi: A million
Puerto Rico! You go there, you can have a great time! Go there, get a Pina Colada! Have a drink! Have a date! and-*tough voice* Stay the hell out of our system, capisce?
===End===
Um, okayyyy... so today I got this papercut and my boss said "Hey, go-
===Comercial===
=Presented by Interspace Commerce and the Liberty Rogues=
Montezuma Base.
Population: 200
Weight: Hi
Hi: Weight
M-m-montezuma Base... um... j-j-just st-st- HEY!!! YOU GUYS WATCH ONE MORE SECOND OF THIS AND ME AND MY ROGUE FRIENDS BLOW THIS GUY'S BRAINS OUT, OKAY??!!
===End===
-... Goddamnit! I can't have one second of telling my story?! Well, I give up! Bye-bye!!!!
===Commercial===
=Presented by Interspace Commerce and the Liberty Navy=
Liberty Navy.
Population: About 4 or 5
Weight: Tons
Hi: Zero
In the Navy!!! You get shot alot! So go join our navy now!!! Please? Cmon!!!! Join and you get a free ice cream cone!!! WEEE!!! Okay, please? It's not as bad as you think. and poopideepoop. JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
===End===
Personal Entry:
(710 A.A.S.)
Yeah, thats right! Don't join the Liberty Navy! They're just a bunch of people who sit around eating poop. Hmm... Whats in this closet? *opens* The following sequences contain ALOT OF VIOLENCE AND BLOOD AND SOME SEXUAL MATERIAL AND DRUG REFERRAL/TOBACCO USE proceed at your own risk
Hey what are you doing here?! What? WHAT??? HEY!!! *stab stab poop scream "yyahhh" poop scream hi poop poop pee shoot fat man fall down thud wee disco-music DISCO STU!! yoyoyo hey man hows bout some little candy for the little kid? huh? poop down throw up JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY poopteepoo ice cream dormouse cooked in hunny yummy yummers*
Hi, today I- JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
pooped in my pants and- JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
and... and... JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
*pin drops* JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
Ahem JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
... JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
MAXIMUS WEIRDUS!!!
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE-
===Interruption===
===Commercial===
=Presented by the Liberty Navy and ONLY the Liberty Navy=
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY
JOIN THE LIBERTY NAVY AND GET A FREE ICE CREAM CONE
===End===
I GIVE UP ON THIS DIARY!!! GGGAAAHHH!!! *flips table over*
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