Well, it was good, until she randomly ends up in the Sinestre cloud. That was kind of... Well, random. Revise that part so there is a reason for her to be in the cloud, and it should be fine.
Oh, and I absolutely hate orphans. But I'm pretty sure that that's just me.
' Wrote:Well, it was good, until she randomly ends up in the Sinestre cloud. That was kind of... Well, random. Revise that part so there is a reason for her to be in the cloud, and it should be fine.
Oh, and I absolutely hate orphans. But I'm pretty sure that that's just me.
Erm, why did she have to go to Liberty to obtain information about Zoners, and who exactly did she do the "asking around" to? And how was she so easily able to find that information? If it was destroyed by Nomads in an uncharted system, long enough ago that Maria is now an adult, why did people remember it?