Thanks every one, wasn't really expecting any one to tell me that the bio was alright. Thanks for taking the time to read it, i do appreciate it!
After this, I'm gonna start adding personal logs about events in game (with permission of the other person) or a few made up stories to boost character interest. something along the lines to help every one get a better understanding of his personality.
I've already started thinking of a "back up plan", in case he doesn't get accepted into the LN.