Today, on the thirty-first of January, the criminal known only as Doctor Artifice escaped Rheinland Military Prison. Doctor Artifice, a self-proclaimed 'cybernetic geneticist', is wanted on over forty counts of first degree manslaughter, breaking Nomad trade embargoes, conducting experiments on living humans, and for developing cloaking technology after the treaty between Rheinland and Liberty had banned such devices.
Doctor Artifice's current location is unknown, but he is both extremely dangerous and armed with weapons beyond most modern armed forces. If you see this man, please engage with extreme caution.
Following his escape, it is believed that Doctor Artifice intends to carry on with his hideous experiments; grafting AI memories and personalities to the brains of living humans. If so, he will most likely have returned to his space laboratory, which is equipped with cloaking devices. If you have information concerning his whereabouts, please contact any of the Major House forces. This man is a threat to all life as long as he is on the loose.
Reports from the Rheinland Military Prison and the security tape feeds tell us that he is approximately five feet, ten inches, has one blind eye, a black beard reaching to his waist and has pale skin. If you see anyone who meets this description, please proceed with extreme caution; even at the age of 103, he managed to kill three armed Rheinlan guards, a civilian pilot, and disable a security robot with only a handful of plastic sporks.
Do not attempt to subjugate this man on your own. Contact the police forces of your current location and await their arrival.
There is no information concerning the background of Doctor Artifice in any datalinks, and if you have information about his true name, past, or location, contact the GNN and the police forces of your current location. There is a reward of one hundred fifty billion credits being offered for the information leading to his arrest.
"Brendan, now that's just low! If they do locate this evil creep Artichoke or whatever he is, how is Horrendo supposed to set up his shot if we can't "see" the location??? No respect at all for good journalism!"
"O so true, Suzette. I'd sue for the lost shot at the Neury! And the story gets more disgusting: What about the rumor that shortly after this Dr. Arbelast was incarcerated for his vile, heinous crimes against our human purity, the Rheinland government was forced to wipe out his entire family to ensure that this filth didn't spread?.. Did they forget something? Doh!!"
"Oh, Brendan, you're so clever! Of course, they forgot to put a cap in this maniac Aphid at the same time! Short-sighted, I'd say!"
"And even more to boggle the viewer's mind.. WHO in all of Sirius would pony up 150 BILLION just for information? This old geezer probably can't even drool right, let alone have information that valuable!"
"It all just makes me shudder, Brendan. I'm beginning to believe those Colonials are right about AI's. This man has to be stopped. If this gets out, we're in the dumper. Next the toasters will be wanting to sit up front at the Holo-Colloseum, where all the good virtual blood-spatters land! Give 'em a bit, and they'll take a gigabyte!"
"There you have it folks. The voice of truth and reason, our own Suzette."
"Ahhh.. Brendan! You schmoozer! We'll be right back folks with more bull**** news!"
-----> Cut to network logo: roll voice/over ExP.
Good evening: This is Rolf Sweeney, Executive Producer of "Galaxy Gab!" In the interests of "hard" news: For any of our viewers who were awake during this segment, the correct name of the evil insane murderous human-hating toaster-loving escaped scientist is Dr. Artifice. We apologize for the errors. Thank you.
Today, the first of February, a confirmed sighting of Doctor Artifice has been made. A trade convoy in the Omega 49 system saw what they described as, "God ----, it's a ----ing space station! Wait, it's that guy who wants ----ing robots to take our place in society! And he's got a bounty of 150 billion on his head! Let's take him out!" Sadly, the entire convoy was destroyed, and we have reason to believe that all 10 pilots of the trade convoy were tractor beamed inside the station, which we have confirmed to be the Ska Ralla. If you see this man, please do not engage.
We have further reason to believe that one of Doctor Artifice's children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren could still be alive. The source of this information has asked to be kept anonymous.
Finally, we do not believe the Ska Ralla is in Omega 49 any longer, and may have used new technology to open a jump hole to the Dublin system, although no information to this end has been confirmed.
Remember, if you do see Doctor Artifice, he must be treated with the utmost of caution. Do not engage on your own; the Ska Ralla was a military platform originally designed by the Rheinland Military in order to fight off Nomad Battleships as well as hordes of very heavy fighter ships (VHFS). If you see this battle station, do not engage.
Today, shocking news in concern with the First Bank of Flax has been reported.
For some unknown reason yesterday, 1st Flax fired up all by itself. Hails to it were ignored. It proceeded from Curacao to just above Manhattan, where it remained motionless for over an hour. There are now confirmed reports by multiple witnesses, of huge amounts of credits being transferred to multiple recipients without explanation, and high-level fighter weapons being jettisoned out the airlocks.
It appears that even private account holders' vaults were somehow cleaned out and distributed. Estimates are that up to a Billion credits were basically given away. This represents almost all of 1st Flax and The Church of Eris' holdings in the Central Sector.
A spokesman for the Southern Alliance has confirmed however, that the sum of 50 Million in credit cards was retrieved by Charlie of the Angels, near Newark, with a note attached: "Give this to RedBear! Grrrrrr!"
The Bank, still in total comms blackout, then turned towards the New York system's sun, and went into cruise mode. Two residents of Manhattan later said that they had seen a "black spot" on the sun as the vessel was immolated in the sun's corona.
We have been unable to contact General Manager Sophie Noir of 1st Flax for comment. She was last seen flying towards the Coronado Jump in her private vessel. Representatives of the Church of Eris Esoteric have refused to comment on the incident as well.
We'll have more details as we get them. If anyone has any information in concern with the First Bank of Flax, its CEO Mr. Waverly Esquire, or any of the staff of the First Bank of Flax, please contact...
---Static---
NEW TRANSMISSION...
...
Hallo, Sie, das gegen mich sein w?rde. Ich bin Doktor Artifice und ich bin Ihr schlechtester Alptraum. Die Dummk?pfe der Linienschiff-Galaxie w?rden also unversch?mt hinsichtlich des Versuchs, mich f?r festzuhalten sein, und ich veranschlage und versuche zum Remake die Androids. Ha!
Wenn nur sie... aber andererseits wu?ten, niemand. Ausgenommen mein nur lebender Verwandter, der Namen hat, nicht noch gesagt werden darf. Kennzeichnen Sie meine W?rter, keine ist sicher so lang, wie ich ein gew?nschter Mann bin. Passen Sie, Sirius Auf! F?r bald bin ich der Victor, und Sie alle verstehen schlie?lich, warum ich tun mu?, was ich tun mu?.
Herzlichst
Doktor Artifice
TRANSLATING...
...
TRANSLATION COMPLETE. SHOWING RESULTS.
Hello, you who would be against me. I am Doctor Artifice, and I am your worst nightmare.
The fools of the Battlestar Galactica would be so insolent as to attempt to arrest me for, and I quote, trying to remake the Cylons. Ha! If only they knew...but then again, no one does. Except my only living relative, who's name must not be said yet. Mark my words, no one is safe as long as I am a wanted man.
Beware, Sirius! For soon, I shall be the victor, and you will all finally understand why I must do what I must do.
Sincerely,
Doctor Artifice
---Static---
NEW TRANSMISSION...
Please excuse that interruption, but it would appear that the evil Doctor Artifice has hacked into our syst
V/O: GNN Logo: "Our satellites have resumed normal operatons. We now return you to our studios to join Brendan and Suzette, with "Galaxy Gab!" We are sorry for this programming delay."
-----> cut to studio live. Open W/S.. dolly in mcu 2-shot, B&S, 3, 2, and..
"Why the gall of that nutball, Brendan! I had a hair appointment right after the show, and I've had to rearrange my entire schedule because of this!"
"I agree, Suzette! If this geezer wants his wacko plans for domination heard, he should buy air time just like our Sponsors! I thought those Rheinlanders were so big on making the trains run on time! Totally unacceptable!"
"And what's with all this "machen zie this 'n that", Brendan! This Dr. .. (looks aside at producer, then quickly at prompter.. squints..) Artifice wants his message heard, he could at least have the courtesy to learn Sector standard! That Rheinlander crap grates on the nerves."
-----> cut to cam 3. cu Brendan. go.
"Truer words, Suzette. Folks, the 150 Billion reward for information still hasn't been claimed. I plan to sell some GNN stock and buy a starflyer. We all need to do our part to rid the galaxy of this insane madman!
(thinks.. and i could dump this crappy job and be done with this brainless bleached-blonde twit...)
-----> cut to 2. cu bb-bt. go.
"I'd search too, Brendan, but i have that hair appointment. After the commercial, folks, we'll explore the rumor that the =BSG= has called for an Inquest into the suspicious death of 1st Flax CEO Reginald "Pops" Waverly. Why did this man worth Billions decide to fly into the California sun, just hours after his main Bank turned in to a grease spot in New York? Join us for our opinions when we return!"
-----> cut to new AAPA logo. v/o:
"And now a word from our newest sponsor, The American Apple Pie Association. Keeping the Sector safe from smut, unclean thoughts, and disgustingly different views!"
deep recon probe alpha, high NY solar orbit recording behavior and destruction of FirstBankOfFlax.
----intercepting wide band radiation from target----algorithmic learning virus detected----Code1 priority sent to BSG75 intel, Cambridge---- targe destruction confirmed---possible infection of surrounding systems likely...
There is no need to panic. The man known as Doctor Artifice does not mean harm. Instead, he wishes to bring in a new era of justice, of peace, and of equality. He is dangerous, this is true, but he is not malevolent. Well, not as much as some of the others.
I know how Doctor Artifice is traveling from system to system without jump gates. I know his location. And do you know why? Because I -------
---Static---
---Static---
This is GNN Special Reporter Don Heralson. Please excuse the frequency channel you just heard. It obviously wasn't meant for us. Doctor Artifice is a *VERY* dangerous man, and should be approached with caution. As we've seen so far, he has killed many men, and won't stop until those ****ed toaste --- er, robots are equal to we humans. Do not try to listen to that crazy old man. This has been GNN Special Reporter Don Heralson, and that's the news. See us next week as we try to uncover the mysteries of the intrepid Kyushu Mud Weasel.
---> Off the air, sir.
Mud weasels? What the hell is a Mud Weasel? By the Gods, who did I make angry? Is that still rolling? Turn that thing off!
Message to: Suzette, c/o "Galaxy Gab", GNN
Comm ID: [ELF-23]Discordia
Heya, Suzette, you Bimbo,
Man, you guys don't pay much attention to the Indie freqs, do ya? No wonder your ratings suck.
Up north it's like some royal pageant goin' on. The coming engagement of Former COEE Epopt "Beau" Coup and his new little meat puppet Mioki? Why they even did live coverage today as they lifted off together for Ainu to visit Mioki's relatives.
Well, darn, I'd forgotten to send an engagement present. You know how those oriental types are big on formality. So I thought, hey, I'll run up there, surprise them, and deliver the gift in person.
I didn't want to spoil the coverage at Ainu, so I waited for them right at the Chugoku Jump.
Now, Suzette, here's the juicy tidbit that'll scoop the Indies, and might even give a bump to your pathetic career.
I was able to give them their gift, alright.
I spilled their ape guts all over Hokkaido.
I just hope to Hell I'll know how to tell Merci when I wake her up.
Oh, and I'll be doin' the oh-so-popular tag shuffle shortly.
Look for [Merc]Discordia, Suzette, and have those holocams rollin'.
You see, I figure these "domesticated primates" are good for two things:
You can take their money, or you can kill them dead.
Yesterday, Beau Coup, a well-known [ELF] official, and his fiance, Mioki, were killed in a surprise bombing on their convoy, heading to the Chugoku. The happy couple were on their way to meet the bride's parents when a very heavy fighter ship, or VHFS, tagged as an [ELF] swooped in, destroying the main shuttle which held the two. Beau, who had acquired a large sum of money from his days in the [ELF], had hired a retinue to protect him from his enemies, who he had many of. Sadly, the VHFS was able to penetrate this protective shell, and launched a NOVA torpedo into the side of the craft, obliterating it instantly.
As the VHFS left, the wanted space station, the Ska Ralla, appeared, and activated it's weapon systems, destroying the remains of the shuttle, as well as taking down all but one of the hired men. The bodies of Beau and Mioki were not found, nor could any of the cadavors of the other pilots who's ships were destroyed. Also, there was little to no debris left at the area.
The only pilot who escape, Mercinary Harold Flitzren, recounted the tale this morning, shortly before his death.
GNN: And then the Ska Ralla appeared?
Harold Flitzren: Yeah...I still shudder at the though. The thing was icy black, an' it kinda shimmered in the light from the stars. My comms were jammed with some guy's voice...[he shudders and gasps] it was the Devil himself!
GNN: Close to it. His name was Doctor Artif-
HF: ARTIFICE! My god, no wonder our weapons didn't do anything! He IS the Devil, I swear! And he tractored in the bodies of my men...oh god...not all of them were dead, neither. I heard their screams...oh god...oh god...
GNN: But what about Mioki and Beau? Were they dead?
HF: Mioki wasn't. Naw, she was screaming up a storm while the escape pod went into the station. But Beau? He was lucky; a piece of shrapnel hit him in the noggin, and pierced his brain. His eyes kept on moving, though...I figure he's dead. Hell, I hope he is.
GNN: I see. Well, can you tell us anything else? About the Ska Ralla?
HF: Yeah. It's weapons bypass shields. It appears out of nowhere. And it hacks into your systems, and Rheinland speech pours out. And on your screens? The face of Hell itself appears. I saw it myself! It was horrible...horrible...! Run for your lives! It's the Devil Himself!
GNN: Sir, sir, please, calm down! Calm down! Ahhhh! [Three shots were fired. Harold Flitzren was killed as he attempted to claw the eyes out of the GNN Reporter.]
If you see the [ELF] ship responsible, Mioki's parents have placed a 20 million credit bounty on it. While no name has been placed yet, Suzette from "Galaxy Gab!" claims it to be Discordia, an android owned by Mr. Reginold Waverly, Esquire, and officially 'shopping budies' with Ambassador Fiona deLuna. Therefore, we here at GNN are under the belief that no, it is not the work of an android, but rather, a digruntled employee from [ELF]. More to come as we have it.
Deep within the recesses of space, a lone Osiris class vessel sat silent and immobile. It's black paint making it invisible to prying eyes, in more ways then one. One the silenced bridge, a lone figure sat in the command chair. A holographic panel glowed and illuminated the figure with an eerie green and blue glow.
The news report of the wayward Doctor Artifice scrolled across it, the white text casting strange shadows on the command deck. A slow smile split the face of the man hunched over the screen. No happy smile was this, no joyful or kind grin, but an evil and quite sadistic looking leer.
" 'The Devil himself' eh? Seems my reputation is beginning to slip. Might have to do something about that..." The figured waved the news cast away and pulled up another screen. On it abstract lines, dots, and notes continually grew on a map of the Sirius sector. In the corner, a demonic looking entity made of crystal sat and drew the lines with his enlongated fingers.
"Well, Crystal?"
The imp looked up at its master. "Almost got him. Just have to triangulate these sensor 'ghosts' and reports, aaaaaaaand..."
The lines intersected at one point and a blinking dot appeared at the intersection.
"Gochya!" The crystal demon gave a big smile and looked over his handy work. "That's the last known position. Only so many places a station can hide, and given his last movements, I promise that the Ska Ralla will be there with a 95% chance of certainty."
The smile never left DarkStars face as the AI trapped his prey. "Good work, Oni. Now, let's pay our little Doctor a visit, shall we?"
With that, the lights snapped on and the ship's massive generators begain to warm. Crew rolled out of bunks, marines checked weapons and armor again, techs watched raising power levels and status boards, and the Oblivion came to life once more.
****
Broadband Message
Target ID: Ska Ralla
Comm ID: Flagship Oblivion
Einige sprechen von Ihnen als ein Daemon...
Einige von uns wissen anders...
Das Oculus Infernum hat sich ge?ffnet, und keine entgehen seinem Anblick.
Erwarten Sie, einen dunklen Stern in Ihrer Zukunft zu sehen.
*TRANSLATION*
Some think of you as a demon...
Some of us know better...
The Oculus Infernum has opened, and none escape its sight.
Expect to see a dark star in your future.
*/TRANSLATION*
Message ends
This is the real true story of rock and roll; it was not about anything more then, how to live your life, as a gangster, in sartorial splendor, and turning the world into a place where normality would never return again...- Malcolm McLaren