Comm ID: Brakelatabasaasta
Transmit to: Baron of Bacon
Bacon-man, I told you yesterday to meet me at the coordinates-place that I said! But then you had a meaty-Bacon-overcharge and kersploded before we could meet.
If you still have the Bacon, and still wish to give it to me, here's what to do:
STEP 1: Place some of your Bacon in a small cardboard package. STEP 2: Place the rest of your Bacon in an air-tight plastic container. STEP 3: Place the cardboard package in the mail, postmarked with the first address that comes to your mind. STEP 4: Take the plastic container of Bacon out to dinner and a movie and show it a good time. STEP FISH: Push button. STEP 6: Retrieve the Gavel of Convening from the Tomb of the Unregistered Voter STEP 7: On the surface of Maine, Planet Pittsburgh's moon, construct an exact 1:1 replica of the Taj Mahal out of margarine. STEP 8: Place Bacon and Gavel inside the Taj Mahal. STEP 9: Dance the Dance of Kings and Men. STEP 10: Brakelatabasaasta recieves Bacon.
Do this, and your Bacon will be safely delivered to me.
Now, I know we had an agreement, and I will honor my half of the bargain. But first, I will require proof of Baconage via this channel. Once you have done all that is asked of you, come to me here, and I will teach you the ways of the Brakelatabasaastaian Preists.