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  Discovery Gaming Community Discovery General Discovery RP 24/7 General Discussions
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Saigo.Watanabe

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Saigo.Watanabe
Offline Saigo.Watanabe
11-16-2008, 12:28 PM,
#1
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Story
Constructive Criticism and praise only.

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline Saigo.Watanabe
11-26-2008, 10:54 PM,
#2
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

No Comments? awh. Well i guess this needs a BuMp!

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline Saigo.Watanabe
11-29-2008, 07:52 PM,
#3
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Again no comments yet, please post ^^
Bump.

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline Saigo.Watanabe
12-07-2008, 01:53 PM,
#4
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Awww, Come on guys comment! I need feedback!:P

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline kikatsu
12-08-2008, 12:14 AM,
#5
Member
Posts: 2,199
Threads: 253
Joined: Jul 2008

seems very good so far, makes me wonder what the thing in the end was for sure

and thats very bold of the Navy I would say


**side note
i do have a crime boss who operates out of Hokkiado, Abura Koefutoro, maybe we will run into each other sometime
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Offline Ironwatsas
12-09-2008, 02:34 AM,
#6
Member
Posts: 1,180
Threads: 118
Joined: May 2008

Not enough refrances to/stuff about Me in it.

Other then that, good job. Still waiting to see what comes next.

All that begins must end.
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Offline Saigo.Watanabe
06-09-2009, 02:50 PM,
#7
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Bump for a new part just done.

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline Saigo.Watanabe
01-12-2010, 03:30 PM, (This post was last modified: 01-12-2010, 03:31 PM by Saigo.Watanabe.)
#8
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Bump:Dnew part done

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  
Offline Laowai
01-12-2010, 04:47 PM, (This post was last modified: 01-12-2010, 04:49 PM by Laowai.)
#9
Member
Posts: 1,452
Threads: 181
Joined: Dec 2007

Ah yes... the story feedback want....;)

I did this for a while, then i realised the cold harsh truth, stories are only read at certain times, by certain people and its few and far between.
Thats not to say they dont get read, - but more that, they do, but not often, and not regularly, and only by a few people when the mood takes them.
I know if only 4 people i think who have read the entirety of my Corsair story for example (and it is rather long).

However, i do read them, when the mood takes me now:)I read yours....

I can only give feedback based on what i like in a story, that doesnt mean its really a good criticism of your story at all, whether its actually good or bad from a literary point of view... it just means its my opinion of whether it has the things i like to find in fiction that i read!;)


So far? Its not bad - Though to me, whats lacking is a real depth of character... who is this person, what motivates her, what does she think, feel... real chunky background that you can sink your teeth into and suspend disbelief for a moment and actually get into the head of this fictional character.
That said, so far the writing is solid, its descriptive of events in a good way, i say keep it up and expand it.

Lastly, general advice for stories (again this is just my opinion) - I tend to use mine as ways of fleshing out my characters in a way that i cant completely do in game, its as much for me as anyone else... when i go ingame, i have this massive and complex backstory and various story arcs that give me a very real and solid foundation for who my character's are and why they do what they do.... I do like writing them... Its nice to know some people read them as well, but i dont bank on anyone reading them, its just a nice surprise when i find someone has.

Anyway, good work and keep it up!

http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/3289/...047770.png
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Offline Saigo.Watanabe
01-12-2010, 05:19 PM,
#10
Member
Posts: 847
Threads: 41
Joined: May 2008

Yeh- about the backstory, im yet to do that little arc- but im doing it as a family arc:
http://discoverygc.com/forums/index.php?sh...mp;#entry340670

As she has 3 sisters and so id have to flesh it out as a family- then do the usual depth into each character there aswell.
It's just something i haven't got into teh right mind to write up yet, but probably will within the next few weeks.

Also cheers for the comments Lao- they are always welcome ^^

[Image: 1lNfI0Y.jpg]
"Time is too precious to be idle." - Saigo Watanabe
"Death is something that is inevitable, Something you cannot run away from." - Katharina Hildegard
Now going under the gaming name: Seraxia
www.twitter.com/Seraxia
Reply  


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