New story that i started writing(Mikes Story and logs)

[Crusader4]

You can find a story here and you can post some feedback here :)

Now a few questions, am i going the right way, do you kinda like the story so far?
if you think i should add something to it, post, if you want to fix grammar mistakes,
PM me with fixed version, THANKS.

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Hate will eat you up from the inside, so hurry up and give your heart to a girl before you get eaten up.

[Crusader4]

Bumpeh :(

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Hate will eat you up from the inside, so hurry up and give your heart to a girl before you get eaten up.

[[Cerberus] Illusive Man]

Some grammatical errors are present, but that's not the actual problem.

The story is pretty well worked-out, in short words: Thumbs Up for your Biography.

[Crusader4]

Some grammatical errors are present, but that's not the actual problem.

The story is pretty well worked-out, in short words: Thumbs Up for your Biography.

Thanks, too bad, i didn't had any time to work on it more these days. :(

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Hate will eat you up from the inside, so hurry up and give your heart to a girl before you get eaten up.