The first thing you should know is everyone has their own wirting style, you cannot say when it is perfect or when it is a total failur, but only becuase it never is perfect and never is a failure. With that out of the way I feel like this story is missing a main subject something that the character is talking about or referring to but this feeling didn't last long as I figured out you were jumping from your past and present talking about your history so for now that is good to go. Short, sweet and simple. This is great.
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